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New enemies worry an ancient entity. How do the Shinigami face beings as old as faith? 

Tags: Bleach, Shinigami, Roleplay, Soul Reaper, Zanpakuto 

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(Lazarus Jeager)「(First) (Death's Aparition)」

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Lazarus Dread

Aged Hunter

PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:24 am


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    Full Name: Lazarus Jeager (Lazarus)


    Alias/Title: Death's Aparition

    Code Name: Schnitter (Reaper)

    Nickname: Necro, Red, Laz

    Gender: Male

    Date of Birth: October 31st

    Actual Age: 1500

    Appearance Age: 26


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    Height: 5'11''

    Weight: 155 lbs.

    Eye Color: yellow

    Hair Color: red

    Nationality: Germanic

    Reiatsu Color: Blood Red


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    Occupation: White Fifteen

    Affiliation: The White Fifteen

    Former Occupation: Unknown

    Former Affiliation: Unknown


    Hobbies: Studying people, watching hollows, reading

    Likes: Bones, Silence, Courtesy

    Dislikes: Arrogance, Disrespect, Candy


    Personality: Lazarus is a calm, curious individual with plenty on his mind. He is often times vocal about his opinion, and will ask questions at any moment. He is also a very analytical person, not resting until he understands all or enough to satisfy his curiosity. There is a darker side to him, but that is only seen in serious battles, ones were life and death are resting on the fate of the fight.

    Sexual Preference: Bisexual


    Family: None


    Background: Lazarus was killed rather maliciously as a human being, and as such his soul was unable to leave the place his body was killed at. At this time he had lived in a Germanic tribe of shamans in the middle eastern world, killed just outside his village. As a soul who had yet to be found, he waited in anguish, ever roaring and screaming for vengeance on those who killed him. It wasn't that long before the chain vanished and a hole stood in his chest, unending and unmoving. As his spiritual body changed, he could feel himself slipping into an abyss of rage and hunger, losing himself to the madness of instinct.

    As a low level hollow, he didn't have a hard time finding souls, he had changed just outside of a rather large village, and the food supply was far more than he would consume in a day. but like all good things, it ended, and he had to search for a new source of food to eat. While traveling the world for souls, he came across a human looking creature with a shiny silver blade. Still low level in hollow form, he wasn't aware of what said creature was, or what it could do. Soon after the fight began, it had to end, with Lazarus half beaten to death, starving for souls. A newly turned hollow had made its way to him, and as it looked him over, he did the one thing nobody thought he would. He ate it. starved from lack of population and weak from his fight before, he did the only thing he could do with instinct and hunger. He made quick work of the hollow after it had died, and once he was done feeding, he could feel himself becoming stronger. This was a new discovery, and soon it became a craving.

    As the decades turned to centuries, he ate more and more souls and hollows. graduating through the ranks of hollow, he eventually became a vasto lorde. It was at this point that his thoughts were most clear, and he began to remember what his name was, and what his own mind felt like. But, due to the extensive time as a lowly hollow, his mind itself had taken a darker twist. Although he would think clearly, his thoughts would be malevolent, his intent disturbed. It wasn't until he became an arrancar that he finally understood what his place should be in the world. Taking his refugee in hueco Mundo, he would fall into a group known as the While Fifteen, slowly and silently rising into a new generation of fifteen.


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    Zanpakutō Name: Gilen Schnitter

    Zanpakutō Type: Unknown

    Sealed Zanpakutō: Sealed Form


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    Release Incantation: Rise Up

    Release Appearance: Ressurection


    Description: Upon activation of his Ressurection, Lazarus' normal zanpakuto changes into a scythe, (Scythe) Along with the physical change to his body. The activation of resurrection is instant, and a shockwave of spiritual pressure ripples through out the area, increasing the amount of shadows in the area. Since there are no major changes to his body, the transformation is simple and quick.


    Abilities:

    - Summon Dead: This technique allows Lazarus to raise several bodies from the dead (Max of Two) in the form of grotesque, vile creatures with claws and sharp teeth. they can fight until either damaged beyond movement, or Lazarus releases the technique. they have the strength and speed of a third seat shinigami. They stand at six feet tall and are very stalky, thin figures.
    {Four post cool down)

    - Blood heal: Using the blood spilt from the battlefield, Lazarus can heal some of his wounds. The blood must be in contact with the wound to heal it, and can only do so to one wound at a time. as far as the amount of healing it can do, it can only mend the most severe part of the wound, making them non-lethal if they are, and healing them to the point that he is no longer bleeding out if he is in fact doing so. the amount of blood needed for him to use this technique would be that of a small puddle, roughly one foot across.
    {Three post cool down}

    - Necrotic Cloud: Lazarus can send out a cloud of dark green poison, which has a paralytic attribute, affecting the motor skills slightly to all who breathe it in, including himself. To use this technique, Lazarus must inhale deeply, exhaling the toxic fumes in front of him. From then on it would expand outwards, away from him. The cloud of poison itself would take an area of 75 feet, being six feet from top to bottom. (Takes three posts to span the entire 75 feet)
    {four post cool down}

    - Scythe Cero: Rather than using his hand to charge, then fire a cero. Lazarus can charge a cero on the edge of his blade, then launch it at his opponent in the form of a wave. It would hold the power of a normal cero, and react on impact like a cero would. The wave itself is seven feet across, and two feet wide.
    {Three post cool down}



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    Segunda Etapa Name: Sterben Aussehen

    Segunda Etapa Incantation: Witness Death

    Release Appearance: (Segunda Etapa)


    Description: Upon activation of Segunda Etapa, another shockwave is sent out, although this one is almost twice as powerful. Since there is no major change to his body, the transformation is simple and quick only leaving his zanpakuto changed. Bankai


    Abilities:

    - Legion of Death: Lazarus can raise a couple dead bodies(Max of 4) to fight for him in battle. They are like the ones used in Ressurection, accept these are larger, standing at seven and a half feet tall. They are more lanky and have longs claws, along with claws on their feet and longer teeth. they have a poisonous blood in them that if ingested acts as a paralytic. They have the power and speed of a 3rd seat, along with a more durable body that can take more punishment.
    {Six turn cool down}

    - Black Death: Lazarus can send out a cloud of black poison, Much like the green one in Resurrection. the black cloud would span an area of 150 feet, and have the same paralytic effects, but a bit stronger. Lazarus must first inhale deeply, then exhale to use this technique, having it come from his mouth. I would then span outwards, away from him until it reached its maximum of 150 feet. It affects all who inhale it, including Lazarus himself. The cloud is seven feet tall from top to bottom.
    {Six post cool down}

    - Scythe Cero: Rather than using his hand to charge, then fire a cero. Lazarus can charge a cero on the edge of his blade, then launch it at his opponent in the form of a wave. It would hold the power of a normal cero, and react on impact like a cero would. Since he has two scythes in Segunda Etapa, he can charge a cero in each blade, and then launch one from each scythe. The wave itself is seven feet across, and two feet wide.
    {Four post cool down}



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    Cero: Cero, Gran Rey Cero, Cero Oscuros

    Other: Due to the fact that he doesn't posses incredible strength, he makes up for the lack of power in speed. Sonido being his specialty, he has mastered it to the point of after images. this can be very helpful when he needs time to prepare a technique or strategize.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:41 pm


Lazarus Dread

Sorry for the wait, time for the review!

Firstly, I'd like to make sure I'm understanding what I'm reading when I see the word "prep." I'd like to make sure this means preparation, and then also alert you to the fact that if that's true, you'll have to edit every skill to include a cool down time. In this guild, technique cool downs, are a requirement, and not having them is grounds for delaying your approval. If they are not short for preparation, then I ask you change it too cool down specifically.

Now onto the actual techniques.

Summon Dead is a tad too strong. It isn't in the fact that it creates more hostile forces, but rather, nine Third Seat able combatants. In other words, these nine bodies are merely too strong to be this numerous.

Necrotic Cloud has a rather large range, and it doesn't specify where it comes from or the actual range in which he can summon it from. On top of that, this technique, as it stands, will create friendly fire, as not even Lazarus would be immune. This technique needs to have its range reduced and a lot more detail put into it.

Blood Heal is also a tad too strong simply because of the resource used, especially if the dead bodies themselves have any amount of blood for whatever reason. I don't mind the healing factor, just simply have it able to only target one particular wound at a time rather than decreasing all of them at once (unless there's a draw back included).

Death Aura is simply too strong. I'm going to ask you to change its effect entirely due to the sheer amount of strength that being able to use the shadows as way of movement brings. This ability, active or passive, is simply over powered in every way shape and form.

Will o' Wisp is too strong as well. The problem is their individual strength appears to stack almost exponentially. I suggest toning the power of this technique back several notches.

Army of Death, once more, way too many bodies at way too high a level.

Black Death shares the same problem as its Stage One counter part, at three times the range. Again, more detail and severely dial down the range of this technique.

Creeping Death, like Death's Aura, is simply too over powered, and now, even more over powered than its predecessor. You'll have to change it.

Quote me again when you're ready for your review.

iChan-Chan
Captain

Tricky Informer


Lazarus Dread

Aged Hunter

PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:19 am


iChan-Chan


'Prep' is taking the two posts to charge and/or accumulate enough of his spirit energy to be able to use the technique. I.E. If he has a one post prep, he can use the technique after he prepares on that post. Same for two post and three, etc.

I took down the notches on the skills, taking off some that after consideration I saw as too much, replacing them with something else that wasn't nearly as powerful. I do hope I clarified my meaning on post prep!

I await your new review!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:21 am


Lazarus Dread

Well then, before I continue this review, I'd like to alert you that no skill requires a preparation time, merely a cool down period. That being said, you're free to keep them or free to dispose of them. I just want to let you know before I continue reviewing as a just in case.

iChan-Chan
Captain

Tricky Informer


Lazarus Dread

Aged Hunter

PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:56 am


iChan-Chan


edited
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 6:27 pm


Lazarus Dread

Very good changes. I'd just like you to make two more small edits and I think you will be ready to go. Firstly, your Legion of the Dead still says a couple dozen while stating he can control no more than four. Just a typo that needs to be fixed. The other thing to be edited also involves this skill. Rather than increase number and power, simply increase the number to four or five of the dead while keeping them at the rank of a Third Seat (as ranks drop from Captain to Lieutenant to Third Seat, so 2nd and 1st are technically the misnamed ranks of the highest two seats).

iChan-Chan
Captain

Tricky Informer


Lazarus Dread

Aged Hunter

PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:30 am


iChan-Chan


Edit made, if anything else needs changing let me know
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 1:48 pm


Lazarus Dread

iChan-Chan


Everything looks to be good. If Channy has no more edits, then this profile is approved.

Prometheus Blaze
Vice Captain

Magnetic Shapeshifter

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