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 Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 4:40 pm
Hey, so I'm not new to Gaia by any means, but I'm new to the guild thing. Anyways, I have this irritation going on. Though it's inside of me. Like i'm irritated with myself. I know many people don't trust the bi-sexual term.. But it's true with me. Actually I'm not sure if I'm bi-sexual or pansexual. Either way, I like both genders regardless. Now, I have dated both guys and girls, though I prefer the affection of women. And after a few things in my life... I don't trust men, and I can hardly look them in the eye. But now, my irritation, I can't hardly walk outside of my front door. I'm too scared. I don't like to socialize, it bothers me. Then I'm too afraid to continue talking because I feel like I have annoyed the person. Or, I'm afraid that my looks are not good enough.
As I did say in the introduction thread, I do have Depression and social anxiety... Both basically as a result from PTSD from experiences in my life. I'm not sure whether I feel like explaining what happened or not. And I get angry with myself, because of these. Like I feel like I fail not only everyone else but myself. It's a horrible feeling feeling like you let yourself down.
Another thing, I have been put onto online high school after a few bad things happening in the public school I was attending. I am to graduate this year. Though, I moved from my hometown. Same state though. Now, I never really hung out with anyone, I've always been more of a loner. Well, now I have literally no one. I get lucky when I get the nerve to finally Skype someone. I'm not really sure what to do, I guess I'm getting desperate for friends, and support.
I have started to come to the conclusion that I should stick to females, where I feel more secure and safe. Is this a good idea? What should I do? What can I do to begin to help myself? I knock myself harder than anyone could.. And I don't have a therapist anymore.. Not since I moved.
P.S. I know this post is a bit, jumpy. I'm just really.. All over the place right now. I'm sort of at a low.
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:19 pm
suck0nthatwh0re Hey, so I'm not new to Gaia by any means, but I'm new to the guild thing. Anyways, I have this irritation going on. Though it's inside of me. Like i'm irritated with myself. I know many people don't trust the bi-sexual term.. But it's true with me. Actually I'm not sure if I'm bi-sexual or pansexual. Either way, I like both genders regardless. Now, I have dated both guys and girls, though I prefer the affection of women. And after a few things in my life... I don't trust men, and I can hardly look them in the eye. But now, my irritation, I can't hardly walk outside of my front door. I'm too scared. I don't like to socialize, it bothers me. Then I'm too afraid to continue talking because I feel like I have annoyed the person. Or, I'm afraid that my looks are not good enough.
As I did say in the introduction thread, I do have Depression and social anxiety... Both basically as a result from PTSD from experiences in my life. I'm not sure whether I feel like explaining what happened or not. And I get angry with myself, because of these. Like I feel like I fail not only everyone else but myself. It's a horrible feeling feeling like you let yourself down.
Another thing, I have been put onto online high school after a few bad things happening in the public school I was attending. I am to graduate this year. Though, I moved from my hometown. Same state though. Now, I never really hung out with anyone, I've always been more of a loner. Well, now I have literally no one. I get lucky when I get the nerve to finally Skype someone. I'm not really sure what to do, I guess I'm getting desperate for friends, and support.
I have started to come to the conclusion that I should stick to females, where I feel more secure and safe. Is this a good idea? What should I do? What can I do to begin to help myself? I knock myself harder than anyone could.. And I don't have a therapist anymore.. Not since I moved.
P.S. I know this post is a bit, jumpy. I'm just really.. All over the place right now. I'm sort of at a low. I'm sorry to hear you've not been doing so well with everything... :[
(even though i know saying sorry doesn't do much or count for much.. i still am sorry because i sort of know what it's like)
- -
In regards to your question!
I think you should do what you're comfortable with and only what you're comfortable with. If you only feel comfortable and secure around other females then I say go for it!
I'm not sure what exactly to say to "How can I help myself?".
I share some of the same problems as you- anxiety, depression, bad experiences with people in general.
The way I try and help myself feel better is by doing something I really enjoy- if that makes sense? When I want to feel good about myself I just do what I like to do, I guess.
I also take to talking to really close friends about things that are bothering me. && in trying to get over some anxiety issues I try talking to some new people in a controlled environment- like a guild! If there's an issue with someone I simply can have a guildie staff person delete the topic or whatever else.
I'm sorry- I don't think I was much help :/ I hope things get better for you, dear. && If you ever need or want to talk to someone my pms are open and the offer shall stay open even if you shouldn't take it.
Good luck, sweetie.
heart
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:40 pm
PunkyHeart_Vampire suck0nthatwh0re Hey, so I'm not new to Gaia by any means, but I'm new to the guild thing. Anyways, I have this irritation going on. Though it's inside of me. Like i'm irritated with myself. I know many people don't trust the bi-sexual term.. But it's true with me. Actually I'm not sure if I'm bi-sexual or pansexual. Either way, I like both genders regardless. Now, I have dated both guys and girls, though I prefer the affection of women. And after a few things in my life... I don't trust men, and I can hardly look them in the eye. But now, my irritation, I can't hardly walk outside of my front door. I'm too scared. I don't like to socialize, it bothers me. Then I'm too afraid to continue talking because I feel like I have annoyed the person. Or, I'm afraid that my looks are not good enough.
As I did say in the introduction thread, I do have Depression and social anxiety... Both basically as a result from PTSD from experiences in my life. I'm not sure whether I feel like explaining what happened or not. And I get angry with myself, because of these. Like I feel like I fail not only everyone else but myself. It's a horrible feeling feeling like you let yourself down.
Another thing, I have been put onto online high school after a few bad things happening in the public school I was attending. I am to graduate this year. Though, I moved from my hometown. Same state though. Now, I never really hung out with anyone, I've always been more of a loner. Well, now I have literally no one. I get lucky when I get the nerve to finally Skype someone. I'm not really sure what to do, I guess I'm getting desperate for friends, and support.
I have started to come to the conclusion that I should stick to females, where I feel more secure and safe. Is this a good idea? What should I do? What can I do to begin to help myself? I knock myself harder than anyone could.. And I don't have a therapist anymore.. Not since I moved.
P.S. I know this post is a bit, jumpy. I'm just really.. All over the place right now. I'm sort of at a low. I'm sorry to hear you've not been doing so well with everything... :[
(even though i know saying sorry doesn't do much or count for much.. i still am sorry because i sort of know what it's like)
- -
In regards to your question!
I think you should do what you're comfortable with and only what you're comfortable with. If you only feel comfortable and secure around other females then I say go for it!
I'm not sure what exactly to say to "How can I help myself?".
I share some of the same problems as you- anxiety, depression, bad experiences with people in general.
The way I try and help myself feel better is by doing something I really enjoy- if that makes sense? When I want to feel good about myself I just do what I like to do, I guess.
I also take to talking to really close friends about things that are bothering me. && in trying to get over some anxiety issues I try talking to some new people in a controlled environment- like a guild! If there's an issue with someone I simply can have a guildie staff person delete the topic or whatever else.
I'm sorry- I don't think I was much help :/ I hope things get better for you, dear. && If you ever need or want to talk to someone my pms are open and the offer shall stay open even if you shouldn't take it.
Good luck, sweetie.
heart Thank you! Well, my main problem is I don't have anyone. No one close. Not anymore at least. My best friend doesn't really speak to me anymore since she moved out of the state. And I am too afraid to go anywhere, so I have become a computer "addict?" I did join the guild also for that purpose.. I'm trying, and willing to do anything at this point to help myself. (As long as it is safe, and not a dumb choice, of course. I do still know right from wrong, luckily.) I do thank you for at least trying to help, and reading it. I don't have many people to do that anymore either. Everyone practically left. As for your offer of PMs, I appreciate it, and I will definitely keep that in mind and accept it.
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:43 pm
suck0nthatwh0re PunkyHeart_Vampire suck0nthatwh0re Hey, so I'm not new to Gaia by any means, but I'm new to the guild thing. Anyways, I have this irritation going on. Though it's inside of me. Like i'm irritated with myself. I know many people don't trust the bi-sexual term.. But it's true with me. Actually I'm not sure if I'm bi-sexual or pansexual. Either way, I like both genders regardless. Now, I have dated both guys and girls, though I prefer the affection of women. And after a few things in my life... I don't trust men, and I can hardly look them in the eye. But now, my irritation, I can't hardly walk outside of my front door. I'm too scared. I don't like to socialize, it bothers me. Then I'm too afraid to continue talking because I feel like I have annoyed the person. Or, I'm afraid that my looks are not good enough.
As I did say in the introduction thread, I do have Depression and social anxiety... Both basically as a result from PTSD from experiences in my life. I'm not sure whether I feel like explaining what happened or not. And I get angry with myself, because of these. Like I feel like I fail not only everyone else but myself. It's a horrible feeling feeling like you let yourself down.
Another thing, I have been put onto online high school after a few bad things happening in the public school I was attending. I am to graduate this year. Though, I moved from my hometown. Same state though. Now, I never really hung out with anyone, I've always been more of a loner. Well, now I have literally no one. I get lucky when I get the nerve to finally Skype someone. I'm not really sure what to do, I guess I'm getting desperate for friends, and support.
I have started to come to the conclusion that I should stick to females, where I feel more secure and safe. Is this a good idea? What should I do? What can I do to begin to help myself? I knock myself harder than anyone could.. And I don't have a therapist anymore.. Not since I moved.
P.S. I know this post is a bit, jumpy. I'm just really.. All over the place right now. I'm sort of at a low. I'm sorry to hear you've not been doing so well with everything... :[
(even though i know saying sorry doesn't do much or count for much.. i still am sorry because i sort of know what it's like)
- -
In regards to your question!
I think you should do what you're comfortable with and only what you're comfortable with. If you only feel comfortable and secure around other females then I say go for it!
I'm not sure what exactly to say to "How can I help myself?".
I share some of the same problems as you- anxiety, depression, bad experiences with people in general.
The way I try and help myself feel better is by doing something I really enjoy- if that makes sense? When I want to feel good about myself I just do what I like to do, I guess.
I also take to talking to really close friends about things that are bothering me. && in trying to get over some anxiety issues I try talking to some new people in a controlled environment- like a guild! If there's an issue with someone I simply can have a guildie staff person delete the topic or whatever else.
I'm sorry- I don't think I was much help :/ I hope things get better for you, dear. && If you ever need or want to talk to someone my pms are open and the offer shall stay open even if you shouldn't take it.
Good luck, sweetie.
heart Thank you! Well, my main problem is I don't have anyone. No one close. Not anymore at least. My best friend doesn't really speak to me anymore since she moved out of the state. And I am too afraid to go anywhere, so I have become a computer "addict?" I did join the guild also for that purpose.. I'm trying, and willing to do anything at this point to help myself. (As long as it is safe, and not a dumb choice, of course. I do still know right from wrong, luckily.) I do thank you for at least trying to help, and reading it. I don't have many people to do that anymore either. Everyone practically left. As for your offer of PMs, I appreciate it, and I will definitely keep that in mind and accept it. Ahh I see.. I'm sorry to hear :[
If I can ever assist you- just let me know! <3
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 5:51 pm
PunkyHeart_Vampire suck0nthatwh0re PunkyHeart_Vampire suck0nthatwh0re Hey, so I'm not new to Gaia by any means, but I'm new to the guild thing. Anyways, I have this irritation going on. Though it's inside of me. Like i'm irritated with myself. I know many people don't trust the bi-sexual term.. But it's true with me. Actually I'm not sure if I'm bi-sexual or pansexual. Either way, I like both genders regardless. Now, I have dated both guys and girls, though I prefer the affection of women. And after a few things in my life... I don't trust men, and I can hardly look them in the eye. But now, my irritation, I can't hardly walk outside of my front door. I'm too scared. I don't like to socialize, it bothers me. Then I'm too afraid to continue talking because I feel like I have annoyed the person. Or, I'm afraid that my looks are not good enough.
As I did say in the introduction thread, I do have Depression and social anxiety... Both basically as a result from PTSD from experiences in my life. I'm not sure whether I feel like explaining what happened or not. And I get angry with myself, because of these. Like I feel like I fail not only everyone else but myself. It's a horrible feeling feeling like you let yourself down.
Another thing, I have been put onto online high school after a few bad things happening in the public school I was attending. I am to graduate this year. Though, I moved from my hometown. Same state though. Now, I never really hung out with anyone, I've always been more of a loner. Well, now I have literally no one. I get lucky when I get the nerve to finally Skype someone. I'm not really sure what to do, I guess I'm getting desperate for friends, and support.
I have started to come to the conclusion that I should stick to females, where I feel more secure and safe. Is this a good idea? What should I do? What can I do to begin to help myself? I knock myself harder than anyone could.. And I don't have a therapist anymore.. Not since I moved.
P.S. I know this post is a bit, jumpy. I'm just really.. All over the place right now. I'm sort of at a low. I'm sorry to hear you've not been doing so well with everything... :[
(even though i know saying sorry doesn't do much or count for much.. i still am sorry because i sort of know what it's like)
- -
In regards to your question!
I think you should do what you're comfortable with and only what you're comfortable with. If you only feel comfortable and secure around other females then I say go for it!
I'm not sure what exactly to say to "How can I help myself?".
I share some of the same problems as you- anxiety, depression, bad experiences with people in general.
The way I try and help myself feel better is by doing something I really enjoy- if that makes sense? When I want to feel good about myself I just do what I like to do, I guess.
I also take to talking to really close friends about things that are bothering me. && in trying to get over some anxiety issues I try talking to some new people in a controlled environment- like a guild! If there's an issue with someone I simply can have a guildie staff person delete the topic or whatever else.
I'm sorry- I don't think I was much help :/ I hope things get better for you, dear. && If you ever need or want to talk to someone my pms are open and the offer shall stay open even if you shouldn't take it.
Good luck, sweetie.
heart Thank you! Well, my main problem is I don't have anyone. No one close. Not anymore at least. My best friend doesn't really speak to me anymore since she moved out of the state. And I am too afraid to go anywhere, so I have become a computer "addict?" I did join the guild also for that purpose.. I'm trying, and willing to do anything at this point to help myself. (As long as it is safe, and not a dumb choice, of course. I do still know right from wrong, luckily.) I do thank you for at least trying to help, and reading it. I don't have many people to do that anymore either. Everyone practically left. As for your offer of PMs, I appreciate it, and I will definitely keep that in mind and accept it. Ahh I see.. I'm sorry to hear :[
If I can ever assist you- just let me know! <3 Thank you! I will find a way through this. I'm a strong person. ^^ emotion_bigheart
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Posted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:43 pm
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 9:35 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:37 pm
How are ya this terribly long Friday?
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:42 pm
ShiningStar KiraKira How are ya this terribly long Friday? I'm actually pretty good. How about yourself? I'm keeping myself occupied, by Youtube. Listening to music and such. Haha sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:46 pm
I'm not sure about your past experiences, I can infer but that's all. So apologies if I miss the mark. ;u;
I don't think you should shun all guys away for the mistakes of other guys. Though I understand that it's not as simple as how I typed it. I'm not new to the idea of thinking one way and feeling the other. I just hope you don't hold malice on all men for whatever may have happened, but ultimately you should just do what you're most comfortable with in that sense. Being comfortable is most important, then you can work on the other bits if you wish.
There is no good in being lonely and having no one to talk to though! I'm 100% willing to talk to you about things if you'd like or even just be your friend!
I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and social anxiety, so I can empathize with you there; to me empathy is worth more than sympathy. I'm at a pretty deep low for myself right now as well and helping someone out of their sadness hole would make me happy!
Edit: I'm not a judging-type when it comes to helping people and I keep everything nice and confidential, so no worries ;u;
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Posted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 10:17 am
Affers I'm not sure about your past experiences, I can infer but that's all. So apologies if I miss the mark. ;u; I don't think you should shun all guys away for the mistakes of other guys. Though I understand that it's not as simple as how I typed it. I'm not new to the idea of thinking one way and feeling the other. I just hope you don't hold malice on all men for whatever may have happened, but ultimately you should just do what you're most comfortable with in that sense. Being comfortable is most important, then you can work on the other bits if you wish. There is no good in being lonely and having no one to talk to though! I'm 100% willing to talk to you about things if you'd like or even just be your friend! I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and social anxiety, so I can empathize with you there; to me empathy is worth more than sympathy. I'm at a pretty deep low for myself right now as well and helping someone out of their sadness hole would make me happy! Edit: I'm not a judging-type when it comes to helping people and I keep everything nice and confidential, so no worries ;u; It's not really that I blame every man, It's just I'm afraid of them. (Unless it's my brother or my grandfather... Or basically my family.. The ones that know what happened and would protect me.) At the same time, In a time period when I don't think very well, for myself, I am trying to find out who I am. But my fear and all of that seem to hold me back. I don't think it will be forever, everyone tells me how strong I am as a person. I just think I'm in a time in my life where I have to figure it out and get through it. I was able to not have to face it before, doing online school don't have to worry about future college decisions and all of that. And now I do, which means I won't have the comfort of my home 24/7. You know? I think it's the fact that reality is beginning to hit me in the face as well. Though, my fears and all of that have never went away.
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Posted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 10:26 am
suck0nthatwh0re It's not really that I blame every man, It's just I'm afraid of them. (Unless it's my brother or my grandfather... Or basically my family.. The ones that know what happened and would protect me.) At the same time, In a time period when I don't think very well, for myself, I am trying to find out who I am. But my fear and all of that seem to hold me back. I don't think it will be forever, everyone tells me how strong I am as a person. I just think I'm in a time in my life where I have to figure it out and get through it. I was able to not have to face it before, doing online school don't have to worry about future college decisions and all of that. And now I do, which means I won't have the comfort of my home 24/7. You know? I think it's the fact that reality is beginning to hit me in the face as well. Though, my fears and all of that have never went away. Ahn, I understand then! Just go with finding comfort in whatever way you feel like you need to. Get lots of hugs and stuff like that. I think finding a good and supportive circle of friends is the best way, and you can even do that online if you don't feel ready for people at college and the like.
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Posted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 8:28 pm
Ok, so I had spent time writing out loads of ideas on how to do certain things to make yourself feel better, yet, while spending five seconds to search for a specific URL, the entire passage was erased. Yay technology. Ok, so the short and sweetish selection, mostly because I'm about to pimp slap my iPad. Your inner strife with your sexualities is normal as hell. Nearly every gay gal or guy went through a "WTF is going on down there?! OMGWTF is going in in me brainzzzz!?!?!?!" Course, your inner dialogue might be different, I'm just using random thoughts on hand subject myself. Specially after JUST learning that my relationship-phobic ex is getting married to her college roomie in a few days. -.- Anywhore, I understand that you have past experiences that contribute to thei conflict, but as hard as it is, you can't hold all men to those what the past has done to you. The easiest way to push past this is to look at the person and how they make you feel without grading them, if you will, against others of your past. Instead of saying to yourself that you love it when she says you look better wearing this when she wears that while y'all are out doing whatever, say to yourself that you love the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, rising ever higher and higher as seconds fly by, just because she grazed your hand with hers, that when your eyes meet, it's as if the world as stopped everywhere, the earth stopped spinning, and the only thing that's keeping you from floating away is the fact that she sees right into your soul, and loves it. In stead of thinking to yourself that you love it when he listens to you and is interested, say to yourself that when he wraps you in his arms, nothing could ever tear you away from him, when he sweeps your hair behind your ear, the simple act of his fingers sent electricity through your body like nothing before. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!! Though everyone in the world might not always feel the depression, anxiety, and live the near agoraphobic lifestyle, everyone in our modern world has experienced it before. It's human nature, specially because of the bombardment we face daily as to what we are supposed to look/live like. However, you'll find that there are more people here, in Gaia, that share these debilitating issues, I suffer from them, and have since I was 19 thanks to an onslaught of medical problems that turned my love around 180 degrees. I'm 25 now, and though I'm taking meds and talking to a specialist twice a month, it's still a struggle. It will always be a struggle if that's what you concentrate on, in all seriousness. If you focus on the pain, it gets worse, concentrate something else, even as simple as playing a game, it helps. You also mentioned that you're in virtual school, and aren't around people of your own age as easily thanks to that and a move. If you feel comfortable enough, tell one of your teachers. There might be a program for others like you, or your teacher can figure something out themselves. Also, in a se you haven't noticed, in this guild at least, you have people that are ready and willing to help nod bounce ideas and suggestions with you. Don't count yourself without friends, we are here, after all. Of none of this helps, tell me. If I touched upon something particularly sensitive to you, PM me. I'm many things, and thankfully s brilliant listener is one. Though never through out me on a stage and expect me to do anything but just roll back and hide. Hell, friend me on Facebook if you're on it My Facebook . I'm always willing to help out in whatever bizarre way I can. smile
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Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 7:11 am
suck0nthatwh0re ShiningStar KiraKira How are ya this terribly long Friday? I'm actually pretty good. How about yourself? I'm keeping myself occupied, by Youtube. Listening to music and such. Haha sweatdrop Pretty much the same. Im stressing over a carnation I got from... Some anonymous person at school. Ugh... Why??
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Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2014 1:26 pm
ShiningStar KiraKira suck0nthatwh0re ShiningStar KiraKira How are ya this terribly long Friday? I'm actually pretty good. How about yourself? I'm keeping myself occupied, by Youtube. Listening to music and such. Haha sweatdrop Pretty much the same. Im stressing over a carnation I got from... Some anonymous person at school. Ugh... Why?? Aww that's cute though! I want to get a flower. *mumbles* Haha, I stressed out because I had to leave yesterday and go to the military base with my grandmother. All the soldiers were on break too. *heavy breathing* Lol, I survived, obviously. And I changed my picture in the Me part of my signature. I took a new picture today. I was feeling pretty confident. I've been in a good mood since I've started talking.
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