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 Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:40 am
Ever have one of those times when you hear someone ask, "So what do you do for a living," and hear the response, "I'm a homemaker," only to find that the person who resonded gets snubbed and there are muttered comments about "real work?"
I'd like to know what exactly real work IS to these people.
Is being a cook real work?
How about a chauffeur?
Does a maid work or not?
A nurse?
Plumbers, do they work?
How about a seamstress?
I suppose counselors don't really do work either, right?
Neither do gardeners or babysitters, I guess.
Because my mom did all of these things, every day, with a smile on her face (unless my brother took apart his bed and shoved pieces in the vent, or I banged my head against the wall because she didn't give me what I wanted) because she couldn't work at a "real" job. Whenever anyone asked her what she did, she said, "I'm a full time mother," and immediately people would start to disregard her comments, especially women who hadn't had children yet. I heard things like, "wasting my life running after snot-nosed brats," and didn't understand who they were talking about. Now I do, and it makes me angry. Now I fully appreciate everything my mother did for me and my siblings. The sacrifices she made for our family can't even be calculated, and yet her peers look down on her? There is no shame in being a mother, so why do people act like having kids makes you a breeder who selfishly wants to spread your DNA? Homemakers get it, working moms get it, they get this cruddy treatment as if they're worth less because they're mothers.
I say that if anything, motherhood makes you stronger, not weaker. It isn't a crime, it isn't a weakness, it isn't contagious (oh no, stay away from her, she might give you motherhood!), so why don't mothers get the same treatment as everyone else? Because they've made sacrifices for the people they love without getting money in exchange for it? Whether it's doing something to get a paycheck change because it's best for their families or moving clear across the country to get out of a bad neighborhood, mothers make sacrifices for their families all the time. It's an act of love. Instead of respecting it, many people just treat it as an amusing anecdote. Uh uh, that doesn't sit right. Parenthood is something to be admired, not looked down upon. Bringing children into the world isn't an easy task. Having babies is work, and what are women given in return? That's up to us. Do we respect them for who they are, or do we reject them because they don't do "real" work? I have news for anyone in that mindset. Pregnancy, giving birth, and later caring for children is about as real as work can get.
Sorry if I shouldn't have posted yet, I just got angry dealing with a person who refers to mothers as breeders.
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 9:27 am
I totally agree. You see instances of Homemaker being "not real work" everywhere.
For example, I was filling out an application for car insurance and one of the questions was "occupation?" Since I am a student/homemaker I looked for homemaker. What I found was "Homemaker at the moment". Like one day I was going to say "you know what Holden, you're cute but you just aren't adding to my personal wealth, sorry!" I mean, I understand that many people are homemakers at some point in their life and are in the work force in others, but they didnt have things like "Doctor at the moment" or "pro-football-player at the moment". Sorry it just really irritated me.
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:48 am
Both of you welcome. Thanks for that trully inlightening comment Lyme. It is indeed a travisty when mothers are deprived of the respect they deserve. A woman who was willign to sacrafice her life for her child in the past was seen as a hero, now they are seen as foolish. No, nothign has changed about being a mother. Society is the one that is foolish.
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Posted: Wed Mar 15, 2006 6:00 pm
indeed. i believe women need more respect- they're the ones who do all the work, biologically speaking... they have periods, they have flucuating hormones, they have the open reproductive system (easier infections) and they have to deal with pregnancy/childbirth... guys don't have to do that, they should respect women for being so strong. not that women are better, nor men better- we are equal, but females have more crap they have to go through and guys should be more sensitive of that.
that is a reason why i'm abstinant- women have all the hard things from sex- the same std's, plus they can get pregnant. a lot of guys just don't give a damn about that, they don't have to worry about it, who cares...it pisses me off that they could have so little respect.
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 6:28 pm
I hate it when people act like that to mothers. mad
My mother was a home maker and baby sitter for a while because she was kidnapped and forced to drive some guy two states over at gun point at her "real work" place. And it pissed me off that people acted like she was a paranoid freak who was just hidding at home. She made money sewing and baby sitting and doing other craft works, but nooooooooo! That isnt a real job because her name wasnt on some payroll!! talk2hand rolleyes talk2hand
And me, right now I am a full time medical student. I dont exactly have time to go out and get a "real job". But I do make jewelry and other craft stuff and sell it. And I make money, but its not a "real job" because my name is not on a payroll and I actually enjoy what I am doing and I can do it in my spare time! rolleyes
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 12:38 pm
It shows how ignorant that people can be. My job isn't a "job" because I don't get paid for it? Well, I'd rather have the satisfaction of knowing that my children are being raised the way that I want them to be, that they will have a sufficient bond with me than being too concerned with having an over abundance of money and somehow neglecting them.
People can't understand because they're not in the situation themselves.
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Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 9:54 pm
I think being a mother at home is the hardest job there is. Going to work outside of the home is cheap compared to the things you must due in order to keep a house running smoothly. Maybe thats why I work outside the home!
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Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:45 am
*sighs* I wish my husbands family felt the same way... the entirety of the female family (well the ones that raised me the last 5 + years of my life) were all home makers... i saw how hard it was and I respected them... plus they were THERE for their kids.. and loved them so much...
before i even married my husband I told them that I was planning on being a homemaker... he knew I did and he said if that is what made me happy then it sounded fine to him. They think I just want to leech off of him and be a lazy bum.. the only good you are is if you bring home a paycheck...
Which would explain why their son (my husband) is the one depending on my paychecks and the money I have inherited from my grandmother to pay for anything other than his games and junk.. and even then he spends most of it on that stuff.. as well as his sisters beings rude, the mother never home and the father away just as much...
*sighs and shrugs* I love his family but I wish i could find some way to make them see im not waisting my life and not ruining His.
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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 5:31 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 2:41 pm
Wow. I've done both - been a stay at home Mom and and go-to-work Mom.
I have to say that it is easier to go to work. Staying home is harder for so many reasons - lack of respect, the laundry monotony, the hours are 24/7, and whatever you do - you were expected to do it.
at work, I get respect, my activites are varied, there is no laundry, and when I don't want to work I go home!
When you work at home, you're ALWAYS at work.
When I come home, the kids are glad to see me. Oops, and now I'll be late cause I was playing with you. redface
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:52 am
An add-on thought -
My husband has been unemployed for almost 3 years, so he has been the stay-at-home parent while I go to work.
I just remembered a day I came home, and he was standing these all tired and messy, and things were not organized, dinner was barely cooking, laundry wan't done, and he said "I was busy all day, and I didn't get anything done. Honest. I know you can't tell, but, I worked all day!"
And I said "I know, I've been there. What do you think I did all day when I stayed home and there were days when you came home and I hadn't even gotten dressed? What did you think I was doing?"
and he told me he didn't know what I was doing all day. I guess he thought nothing, sleeping, whatever, but he never said a word to criticize [nice man].
The point being that even this nice understanding man had NO IDEA what work was involved in being a stay-at-home-mom until he became a stay-at-home-dad.
Sometimes theres a lot of work just treading water! And no progress is made, and everything looks like nothing was done even tho you worked your butt off all day.
part of parenthood. But hard to really understand till you've been there.
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Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 6:55 am
I stay at home, and my Husband works. There are sometimes he comes home, and im not dressed (he Is lucky if super is even cooked) and nothing is done. and one day he asks me what I did all day. I just looked at him. I was so mad, on his next day off, I left the baby, and him here alone, while I went shoping with my mother. He called me every 10 min. Wonting to know why she was crying, HOW TO FIX A BOTTLE!, how to do this, and why that. When I came home, he was so tired. I just smiled, and took back over. He has never asked me what I do all day agian. Some time men are just at a loss. Io do know some men who know it all though. My husband is just wonderful with our little girl. If he doesnot have to watch her ALL day *lol*
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 7:48 pm
I am a most of the time mom with two jobs (for the moment) one job is a temp job putting clothes on a rack for a roadshow, the other is a part time job that i'm about to quit because of the lack of respect I get there (pizza hut line cook... no fun), I was a stay at home mom for a year and everytime I told my family that I was tired they always asked what I did that day... I wanted to slap them because, aside from my husband, I didn't see anyone changing explosive poopy diapers (my dad has this strange fascination with making me gag by giving my kids food he knows will make them explode out the butt) or anything parently as far as babies go(except for taking part in playing with them). The thing was that my husband never supported my side of things even though being a stay at home mom was my husbands idea because I was pregnant with my daughter at the time... it's the hardest work I've ever done, and even now I still don't get respect from them, even though I bust my butt working two jobs and coming home, and running to the grocery store for milk, diapers, eggs, cheese, and dieting (successfully for the first time in my life... 267 -was 280+ for a long time there) cat litter etc. I have two kids under 3, two cats, a husband, my father and my sister all in the same house with me... i've got to give my sister some credit though... she's probably been the most help as of late!! She's a great sister, she babysat through her own heartbreak without even saying a thing to me about it, and she was in a serious relationship. She helps when I am having a horrible day debating on quitting my part time job and having horrible trouble with the decision since they treat me like my job is a consollation prize... I took the job because when money was tight, somehting would go wrong, so I took on this job (Intending for it to be temporary) and I've been there for 10 months now and not ONE raise that I was supposed to get three months in. Even at work the men and some women (who aren't parents or my sister) treat me like I don't do that much, even my father who works with my sister and I as a driver, they all act like I'm lazier than a cat on a hot day. I just want the respect that my mother got for not even being there.
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Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:27 pm
I'm a stay at home mommy too, and I'm really proud to be one. My son is only a month old but he's still a lot of work (even though he sleeps most of the time at the moment lol). But my mom is a stay at home mom (with 7 kids all close in age, you can't possibly say it isn't a job!) and my dad and her got into a kerfluffle because he didn't think she did anything. But in reality she did a ton. They worked things out because my dad came to the realization that she did do a lot.
I just hope I don't get that "it's not real work" from people. I haven't heard anything yet, which I'm thankful for.
But I can finally understand what my mom has gone through (maybe not as many kids, but I know what it's like in a sense). And it makes me happy and proud for what she has done.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 3:36 pm
I am a full time mommy, full time wife, and a full time resteraunt manager. UGH im soooo tired all the time. When do I get a day off?!?!
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