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 Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 8:49 pm
Hi,
So recently I have lost someone who was/is very important to me.
I keep on thinking I am over it, I can move on but then life throws a curveball that reminds me directly of that person and I cry again.
In life I have been incredibly blessed to have not lost anyone who was that dear to me until the age of 25, so I have absolutely no coping mechanism for this.
I also sometimes think that it's unfair that this person was taken so young. So I was wondering how Christians cope with the death of a person who seemed to die before their time?
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:19 am
I lost my father a few years ago. I coped fine (I long ago accepted mortality, both mine and that of people around me), but Mom ... not so well. They'd been together nearly fifty years. She still gets emotional at the thought sometimes.
So, maybe you're thinking that it's not the same, that my dad was old and your ... um, friend? ... was young. And I'm thinking "no, it's the same".
Death always seems "too soon". We always wish we had more time with someone. In my Dad's case, he'd been sick for several years, and we knew this was coming, but it still felt oddly rushed. Whether it be the death of a teen or an adult, an infant or an old coot, we always wish there were more time.
We wish it ... we feel it ... we feel cheated ... we feel like this person's life was "cut short before its time".
And I hate to speak this way to someone grieving, and I do beg your pardon, but ... that's nonsense. It's plain stupid human nonsense.
First of all, all of us deserve death. Period. That's in Romans. You combine "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) with "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23), and what we get is "all deserve death".
I'm not saying that to condemn anybody right now, but the opposite: I'm saying that because that means the time we do have (or, in your case and mine, did have) is that much more precious. Someone asked me a year ago if I was ever upset that Dad was dead, and I said, "I'm just grateful he was ever alive."
Second, because death is not always a tragedy. No, I don't mean that "quality of life" psychobabble -- that would, I admit, apply in my father's case, but I know it's in the minority. No, I'm talking about how the Lord views the deaths of certain people. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." I'd gladly give you the scripture reference, but my system has an obscene lag right now and I can't get BibleGatway to ... wait. Psalm 116:15.
Now, I may not like death (which is a mistake many make), but I accept it (as though I had a choice!). I trust God -- not nearly as well or as much as I should (and I say that to my shame), but enough to know that He really does "have the whole world in His hands", and that my father (and my grandmother, and some friends from college, and my wife's grandmother, and her mother, and great-aunt, and grandfather, and uncle, and all the rest) died in His time, in His plan, and are now safe in His hands.
So, nobody dies "before their time". Everything happens in God's time, and His schedule has no planning flaws. We might not like it ... but we trust Him.
How do we cope with the loss? With the absence of that person, or what they provided to our lives (security, friendship, material goods, etc.)? That's different from person to person, death to death, mourner to mourner, and I've no way of telling you how to handle it ...
... but I can tell you that you can, simply because I've never known God to fail.
==========
One last thing about my father. Some months before he died, he and Mom went to a family reunion in the north Georgia mountains. Now, in spite of his many illnesses and ailments, he wanted to climb (really more like "hike") to the top of this particular mountain. He didn't succeed.
We're having another family reunion in that vicinity this summer. I'm planning on going up that mountain. Not so I can do something my father couldn't, but to say, even if only to myself, "you couldn't, Dad, so I did it for you".
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2014 2:47 pm
My condolences to you on the loss of your friend.
I know that it is a painful process after someone you love is gone.
All that I know to say to you is to ask you to read the 8th chapter of Romans in your Bible.
Particularly Romans 8:18 and 8:28.
I will not sit here and say to you that grieving over the loss of any one who is close to you is easy. Every one grieves in their own way and copes in their own way.
All that I can do is to offer you to read the Scripture mentioned before hand, and trust in God and lean on Him for understanding, guidence and direction.
If you ever need to talk discreetly to any one. You can always send me a p.m. What is said will be kept between you and I and God, and that is a promise.
Your sister in the faith,
Dannielle Fitzbaugh
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Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:56 pm
I am going to have to honest here and say that the announcement for this guild for Sunday the 30th, nailed this topic really well.
Plus, I have to also applaud Ms. Fitzbaugh with the words of encouragement that she left from the 8th chapter of Romans.
My condolences to you as well for your loss little one, but if they knew the Lord and were ever saved, then you too can rejoice that they are in heaven now with the Lord.
Coop
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:24 am
Dragonbait I lost my father a few years ago. I coped fine (I long ago accepted mortality, both mine and that of people around me), but Mom ... not so well. They'd been together nearly fifty years. She still gets emotional at the thought sometimes. So, maybe you're thinking that it's not the same, that my dad was old and your ... um, friend? ... was young. And I'm thinking "no, it's the same". Death always seems "too soon". We always wish we had more time with someone. In my Dad's case, he'd been sick for several years, and we knew this was coming, but it still felt oddly rushed. Whether it be the death of a teen or an adult, an infant or an old coot, we always wish there were more time. We wish it ... we feel it ... we feel cheated ... we feel like this person's life was "cut short before its time". And I hate to speak this way to someone grieving, and I do beg your pardon, but ... that's nonsense. It's plain stupid human nonsense. First of all, all of us deserve death. Period. That's in Romans. You combine "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) with "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23), and what we get is "all deserve death". I'm not saying that to condemn anybody right now, but the opposite: I'm saying that because that means the time we do have (or, in your case and mine, did have) is that much more precious. Someone asked me a year ago if I was ever upset that Dad was dead, and I said, "I'm just grateful he was ever alive." Second, because death is not always a tragedy. No, I don't mean that "quality of life" psychobabble -- that would, I admit, apply in my father's case, but I know it's in the minority. No, I'm talking about how the Lord views the deaths of certain people. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." I'd gladly give you the scripture reference, but my system has an obscene lag right now and I can't get BibleGatway to ... wait. Psalm 116:15. Now, I may not like death (which is a mistake many make), but I accept it (as though I had a choice!). I trust God -- not nearly as well or as much as I should (and I say that to my shame), but enough to know that He really does "have the whole world in His hands", and that my father (and my grandmother, and some friends from college, and my wife's grandmother, and her mother, and great-aunt, and grandfather, and uncle, and all the rest) died in His time, in His plan, and are now safe in His hands. So, nobody dies "before their time". Everything happens in God's time, and His schedule has no planning flaws. We might not like it ... but we trust Him. How do we cope with the loss? With the absence of that person, or what they provided to our lives (security, friendship, material goods, etc.)? That's different from person to person, death to death, mourner to mourner, and I've no way of telling you how to handle it ... ... but I can tell you that you can, simply because I've never known God to fail. ========== One last thing about my father. Some months before he died, he and Mom went to a family reunion in the north Georgia mountains. Now, in spite of his many illnesses and ailments, he wanted to climb (really more like "hike") to the top of this particular mountain. He didn't succeed. We're having another family reunion in that vicinity this summer. I'm planning on going up that mountain. Not so I can do something my father couldn't, but to say, even if only to myself, "you couldn't, Dad, so I did it for you". No, I wasn't thinking that at all. It's possibly because this post actually relates to three people for me 1. I was nursing a patient, I was very new to nursing and actually stopped nursing because I couldn't handle the fact that no matter what I did I could not save her, so I started studying pharmacy as an alternative profession.. That was a short term remedy to not dealing with death. 2. The next two died more recently. My grandma died in January, and soon after we buried her.Whilst in Australia 74 seems a young age to die, (most people live until about 90) and her death was sudden, suddenly no medication controlled her epilepsy.I even tried to get her on a trial for marijuana in USA but no such luck because she had acquired epilepsy not congenital epilepsy and the trial is for congenital epilepsy. 3. Now this girl was just 8 years old. 8 years old. She died in a car crash. Her father died as well he was driving. I cannot imagine what her mother must be going through. She was someone who I tutored one on one, everyday for the past two years, she had ADD. Thank you for the excerpt from Romans, I am ashamed to admit that I haven't read the book of Romans . I will make it the focus of my next study group. I guess that everything does happen in gods time. I just need to have faith in that. It may be difficult to do that, because all of my life I've been that kid that makes everyone second think everything with my questions, and sometimes changes the outcome of what's going on around me. So you can imagine that I am looking up at god right now and asking are you sure? Are you sure now the right time for them to leave us? And I guess I have my answer. not complaining but if someone does have any ideas on how to cope then I would love to hear it================ I am glad to hear that you are doing that for your father. I think that that is a very kind thing to do and that he will be smiling down on you that day, well probably every day really but you know what I mean.
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 12:54 am
-Celtic Mother Goose- My condolences to you on the loss of your friend. I know that it is a painful process after someone you love is gone. All that I know to say to you is to ask you to read the 8th chapter of Romans in your Bible. Particularly Romans 8:18 and 8:28. I will not sit here and say to you that grieving over the loss of any one who is close to you is easy. Every one grieves in their own way and copes in their own way. All that I can do is to offer you to read the Scripture mentioned before hand, and trust in God and lean on Him for understanding, guidence and direction. If you ever need to talk discreetly to any one. You can always send me a p.m. What is said will be kept between you and I and God, and that is a promise. Your sister in the faith, Dannielle Fitzbaugh Yeah it's not easy. Especially with my grandmother, she had a profound influence on my life and it's hard to keep calm without her reminding me that others just don't understand me. Thank you very much for the offer and I honestly probably will pm you when my emotions arise.
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 1:13 am
Crypt Keeper 2010 I am going to have to honest here and say that the announcement for this guild for Sunday the 30th, nailed this topic really well. Plus, I have to also applaud Ms. Fitzbaugh with the words of encouragement that she left from the 8th chapter of Romans. My condolences to you as well for your loss little one, but if they knew the Lord and were ever saved, then you too can rejoice that they are in heaven now with the Lord. Coop Yeah when I read then announcement I kind of thought how timely. Thank you for reminding me of that.
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:37 pm
mynameisjacque Crypt Keeper 2010 I am going to have to honest here and say that the announcement for this guild for Sunday the 30th, nailed this topic really well. Plus, I have to also applaud Ms. Fitzbaugh with the words of encouragement that she left from the 8th chapter of Romans. My condolences to you as well for your loss little one, but if they knew the Lord and were ever saved, then you too can rejoice that they are in heaven now with the Lord. Coop Yeah when I read then announcement I kind of thought how timely. Thank you for reminding me of that. Your welcome I guess... My most sincere condolences over your loss once again maam. Coop
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Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:53 pm
I am very sorry for you're loss.
May the good Lord guide, direct and comforrt you in this time of you're life.
God bless you always!,
Hawk
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