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 Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2015 8:48 pm
I do it and I feel like its wrong but I keep swinging back and forth about it.
Its not like the person I'm with is forcing me or anything I just know what they prefer and its a lot different then what I prefer my appearance to be.
They like me with long blonde hair, I like short black hair.
They like cute/pattern clothing and I like more black/goth clothing.
I like to wear binders and briefs half the time
but they prefer bras that show off my chest and cute panties.
I've talked to them about it and they say they don't mind
me changing my look but they don't want me to look
weird (androgynous) but being Agender that's what I want
it doesn't have to be all the time the conversation just left
me feeling off balance.
I want to look how they like because I love them and I want to make them happy but sometimes looking how they like me too makes me unhappy with my appearance, so I don't know what to do? both options seem to make me happy and unhappy. Advice?
btw i'm posting this topic in two guilds hoping for more advice
sorry for any inconvenience
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 7:25 am
I would say to mix it up. Wear what they would like you to, then whatever you would like to wear. Remember, some days, you just gotta be you, and there's no other two ways about it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 8:35 am
If you're comfortable switching between feminine and androgynous, that's ok. However if you aren't comfortable presenting feminine at all, you need to let your partner know. Your partner shouldn't expect you to present yourself outside your gender identity, it's not healthy. There should always be some compromise and give and take between partners in a relationship, but you shouldn't have to change deep core things such as your gender identity for your partner.
Being an MtF, I know from experience that suppressing your gender identity can be really painful, your partner should be someone you can be intimate and 100% yourself with, if you have to change things about your gender identity for them, that isn't good at all.
If you're with the right person, they should totally be supportive and understanding if you tell them that you have to present androgynous to be comfortable with yourself. Your gender identity should be a case where your partner should sacrifice what they desire for you, NOT where you sacrifice your identity for your partner.
If they love you for who you are, it shouldn't be an issue for them in the end. If it turns out they DO have issues with you presenting comfortably for your gender identity, that's a major problem.
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2015 9:02 pm
Do what makes you happy and more happiness will follow. Dress how you wanna dress, it's your body. You say they aren't forcing you, which is good, and I'm guessing they love you enough to get over how you dress. Every once in a while throw in some clothing that will catch their eye - to show them you're taking them into consideration at least - but do what you do for you, not anyone else, because that will not lead you to being happy and might even make you resent the person later on.
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