Cereah
I really like it, but one obsession I seem to have is with punctuation. I feel punctuation really helps the rhythm of a poem and just makes it more enjoyable of a read. It is good though, and very interesting to read.
To me it's amazing that you know Polish (which I'm assuming you do since the original is in Polish) and unfortunately I can't comment much more on that since I don't know polish
sweatdrop I like it. Good job!
Thank you for your rant
smile About the punctuation thing. In Poland if you leave it out - it's called a "white poem" meaning, one can read one line or two lines at time or more if reader feels like it and that should make one thought-stream or separate expression as well. I am not really sure if I got translated it as for you to catch the trift. But I strongly feel that putting punctuation in this text would leave both me and reader with only one (maybe two) possibilities of interpretation.
And Polish - it's my native.
smile I am always a helping hand to teach people, make recording or translation for them (check main forum for topic "innovative suggestion" or Foreign Languages Guild I'm in) . If you have any texts you would like to hear translated or just see how they would look like - the best way for now is to PM me
smile And the poem reads nearly the same
3nodding have a nice day ^^
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