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 Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:18 am
"Daddy?" Isabel's voice. Cheerful and inquiring, curiousity tinting her tone. The blue skinned girl sat on the sofa, brushing the hair of one of the dolls Kyle had bought her before she'd even 'hatched'. He could feel her eyes following him as he paced, and wondered if there was anything he could do to explain it to her.
She'd been his for two days. Already, he knew there was no letting her go, no letting go. She was his daughter, in soul if not flesh, and he'd so wanted a kid. Still wanted a kid. But... but...
"It's nothing Mija."
JD. That was what it all came down to, of course. He hadn't even thought to mention the jar to his new (and former) lover. They'd spoke, hesitantly, of the future. Considered, carefully, the past. But it had been their future. Their past. No place for discussion of outside factors. Factors like the little girl sitting on the sofa.
He'd already called JD. He'd invited him over without mentioning Isabel, deciding it was best to handle things face to face. The other man would arrive soon, and he didn't know what to do with himself. Or Isabel.
"Mija, when my friend gets here, you need to play in your room 'til I call you."
"Why?" The question wasn't asked entirely in innocence, Kyle could hear the edge of challenge to her voice. She wasn't aggressive, but she wanted reasons for everything.
"Because he doesn't know about you yet, and he's shy."
"Oh." She hesitated, chewing on her lip. After a moment, her usual easy smile resurfaced, "Ok."
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 11:49 pm
He didn't want to go.
Not because he was scared already, but because he didn't know what to wear.
Yes, JD, twenty seven years old and currently in a relationship couldn't decide what to wear to his ... boyfriend's? Lovers? Well, to Kyle's house. Which was why it took him so long to get out the door in the first place.
Looking into the mirror one more time and changing the shirt from a blue one to a dark green one, JD looked around. Was he supposed to bring him something? ... Nah.
This was too new to him, going back to someone he had known... someone he had hurt. This was different, and he didn't want to mess up yet. Everything was so hard to manage.
When he was away from Kyle.
Funny how that stupid man made everything fall into place.
Kyle's neighborhood appeared too quickly. Then his road. Then his house. Every time he met that man it was always like this.
Standing in front of the door, he knocked once and then stepped in.
Kyle wouldn't keep the door locked when he knew JD was coming, would he?
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:21 am
The knock stopped Kyle mid-pace, froze him staring at the door with a stricken expression on his face. Oh, this was not going to be good. This was not going to be good at all. Isabel still sat on the couch, happily brushing her dolls hair, wearing a black doll like dress that he'd borrowed from Michael's Earako. They had yet to have a chance to make their own shopping trip.
For his part, well, the usual. Cargo pants in bright green, a black shirt with a pineapple on it (yes, a pineapple), and his hair a mess of blue spikes, tipped with green. Dressing up for JD would have never occured to him, he just didn't think that way.
As JD walked through the door, he found himself smiling despite his nerves. Something about... something about the way his lover held himself. The way he walked. It warmed him... made him feel alive. They'd get through this. They had to, didn't they?
"Hey." He stepped forward automatically, intending to at least steal a kiss before Isabel was noticed.
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 3:12 pm
JD smiled, relaxing. He reached out, grinning stupidly at the pineapple, grinning at Kyle. What would people say, if they saw them together? They wouldn't think it would work as well as it did.
"He--"
Something moved in the corner of his vision. From behind Kyle, something small. Automatically JD tilted his head to look at it, and froze.
"Kyle. There's a ... girl. In your house."
Obvious, but...
What the hell was the little girl doing there? ... Crap. Kyle had a CHILD?! Who the hell was the mother? Was it even a woman? He knew men could get pregnant too in some facilities... Kyle had a child AND a mother hidden away somewhere? He had been cheated on? Even if it had been done in the past...
Different variations of the same thought raced across his mind, a flicker to his eyes running like subtitles to the inner conflict.
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:36 pm
Alright. Time to talk fast. Because JD had that look in his eye, and he probably didn't have long before he wouldn't be allowed a chance to explain. God, what might he be thinking? Isabel looked somewhere between three and five, even if she'd only arrived a couple days ago.
And there she sat, on the couch, swinging her feet and carefully straightening her dolls dress. Her slightly strange eyes were focused directly on JD, and a bright, sudden smile lit up her face, glittering like the substance from which she'd come. "You're Daddy's friend."
"Yes, he is." Kyle agreed with a wince. He didn't have time to handle both of them. Best speak fast, and try to answer JD's questions before they came. "She's mine. I would have told you, but she didn't even exist until recently. She umm... kinda... hatched? There was this jar, and well... I should have mentioned it. But, I was so caught up with--" he lowered his eyes then, almost incapible of finishing the sentence, "with you. It slipped my mind."
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 12:14 am
"Daddy?!" So this WAS Kyle's kid? All thoughts of maybe this being a baby sitting adventure left his mind. And then, he tried to stay focused on the words. Little snippits of it that didn't help improve his mood. "Your child? Hatched?" JD continued to stare. "What were to shacking up with before? A lizard? Dragon?"
He didn't like the images THAT raised.
"What jar?" Why did Kyle have to explain it like that? "What kind of jar? What sort of drugs... drugs? Is that it? Or is it some kind of experiment? Are you being paid to have children?"
To say that JD had an active imagination was an understatement.
"What about me?" JD couldn't help it, he had to ask. This wasn't the best of times, but what other time did they have? "What is happening between us, that you could forget a child?"
Playing with fire.
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Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 9:03 am
"'m a fae! Not a lizard." Isabel objected, crossing her little blue arms in front of her chest, and tossing her curly hair in a very adult fashion. The look she gave JD was a bit hurt, but mostly interested. Da' had said this was his best friend, and she wanted to know what kinda people Da' liked. He didn't seem like Michael, Da's, other friend. Not at all!
"Mija, hush." Kyle did not quite snap in Isabel's direction, but his tone was certainly a bit short. He could only deal with so much at once! "JD, will you calm down? I haven't been 'shacking up' with anyone. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to get some chick pregnant?"
Taking a step forward it he reached toward the other man, then pulled his hand back, as if unsure of whether he was allowed to touch him. He wished this was easier. "Listen, carefully. There's this 030 thing. I don't even really know what it's about. But they gave me this jar, and told me I could summon a child, a fae, with it. I was, ******** JD, you have no idea how lonely it's been. I wanted a child. Someone to take care of... like I used to do with my siblings."
And that last question. He bit his lip. What could he say? What was he allowed to say? Frusterated and exhausted, he looked at JD, rubbed his eyes, shook his head. "Dammit JD, are you really so dense? What do you think this has been about? We're not just screwing here. I-- ******** it, JD, I love you."
Said (and so eloquently), so the words hung in the air, no way to snatch them back. And he wished he could. Wished he could undo the moment or undo the night. God, he was so stupid.
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 7:48 am
That word again. It had taken him so long to get used to it before, to have it leave his lips. That had been before. This was...
this was complicated.
JD's eyes fastened on Kyle. Was this the right moment? Was this his fault? It was so hard to think, to breath. What was he to do? Space. He needed space. How was he supposed to deal with...
The curse was low in his mouth.
"I need to." JD started. "Think. I need to think." he said, getting the words out. They were cold, his face was frozen. but he couldn't do it right now. He needed more preparation than this. How long had it taken them before to ease into the L word? How silly had it been? Well... he needed that work. He need that...
Heck. He needed more than this.
"I need space." he said quietly. "I need--" he shook his head.
He'd find his space now.
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:45 am
Why couldn't he take ti back? Go back to before and smack himself to prevent it. He'd always been the passionate one. Stupid and impulse driven, prone to speaking before thinking. Like now. He watched JD wordlessly, everything forgotten except the chill in his lover's words. Need to think? What did that even mean? Was he going to run off and screw someone ********!" The pain it that simple word brought a whimper from Isabel, she set her doll aside and walked over, clinging to his leg. Kyle didn't even know how to react, he ran his fingers through her hair numbly, staring at JD and trying to say something, anything to stop him.
"I'm not asking you to feel the same way." (But he wanted him too. Oh God, he wanted him to.) "Just... don't leave. Don't break me again."
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Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:09 pm
JD didn't hear the last word. Not at first. Seeing the girl cling to his Kyle was unnerving enough-- how was he supposed to think when he saw her? She was staring at him with those EYES!
"Leave?" he said blankly. Leave. Yes. That was what he needed to do. He should have known better than to get involved, then to...
Crap. What the hell was he saying? "I'm not. I..." he stopped. "I need time, right now."
Could he blame all this on a kid? JD was selfish enough to try. But it was that word. "I'm not leaving..." he scowled.
This was supposed to be easier. This was supposed to be cleaner. "I'm..."
Heck. The girl was holding him down, wasn't she?
He frowned, moving his finger in a circle. He'd go for a walk, around the block. He wasn't leaving, was he? He wasn't... JD scowled. "I'm not going to go sleep for someone." he said, trying to clean his own conciounse.
And he turned around to walk out.
(eeee!! JD be back, he be back soon~!!)
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:56 pm
Kyle was frozen. He couldn't run after JD... knew better than to run after him. Automatically, he reached out toward the man's departing back, fingers closing around air, newly formed fist falling to his side.
"Whatever you need." He could barely choke the words out, they came out weak, whispery, with none of his usual fire. He didn't feel much like burning at the moment. No-- he felt burnt out, hollowed. Dead.
Isabel, childish attitude gone and age in her eyes reached up to tug lightly at his hand. She didn't say anything, only pulled him toward the couch, stumbling like a drunk, the pain in his bad leg a flair that kept him somehow connected to the world as it was.
The world as it was.
JD walking out.
Kyle didn't even know what that meant. He said he wasn't leaving, so he was just walking out? Walking away?
"I messed this up 'bel." He murmured, running his fingers through the tangle of her curls. "I... ********. Don't ever love someone."
"Why?"
"Because you don't want to end up like this. Like us." Because surely, surely, JD was hurting too. Maybe not love, but the man had to feel something. Had to... feel.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:14 pm
It was supposed to be a walk around the building. Let the air cool his head down, the pollution arrange his thoughts into a manner that was legible. It was supposed to be a quick trip, where he would figure out what it was he wanted to say.
But it became more then that.
His strides ate up the pavement, moving from underneath the shadow of the ugly building to across the street, down the street, towards another intersection. His steps were quick, efficient, moving as if they would somehow erase time. Walk fast enough, and maybe someone would tell him what he was supposed to do next.
Love. Christ. Kids.
They weren't supposed to enter the relationship so soon. Or was it about time? It confused him, dirtied him, cleansed him. A relationship where they were trying again, a relationship that...
That he wanted to have work.
**
Eighteen minutes was the amount of time it took for JD to come to the decision. Eighteen minutes of his life, a trip made twice in nine minutes. Eight, probably, but for a moment he had stood under the eave of the windows, looking up, and wondering...
Kyle.
Eighteen minutes, and he was back at the door opening, pushing it open, standing there, watching, staring. Running his thumb over the stem of the stupid flower he had picked from a restaurant's table. Blue, those artificial roses. But it was blue.
"I" JD cleared his throad rubbing at his neck. He paused. "My name is JD." he said, speaking straight to Isabel. "I don't have any children, so I can't bring anyone for you to meet. I'm never trusted with children, so I can't play with you myself. I have money though, and I can buy you things, proper clothes when your father lets me take you out." he stopped, uncomfortable. He was never good at this, and the words sounded so stupid. "If he lets me." he said, refusing to look over.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:47 pm
Kyle didn't move from the sofa, and Isabel didn't ask anything further. She did, however, stay by his side, head pillowed against his shoulder. He couldn't be angry at her, couldn't even imagine being angry at her, even if she was, in a strange way, the cause of what happened. She was an innocent, for all the occasional wisdom, and it was unfair that she had to see him like this. But the hurt was too much to hide.
Eighteen minutes, and the door opened again. He'd come back. He'd really come back. Kyle wanted to smile, to jump up, but stopped himself. It didn't mean anything yet. It could mean anything. He could have come back just to say it was over.
But JD didn't even look at him. Instead, the man kept his eyes on Isabel, and his new daughter perked at ever word, moving away from him, and off the couch. God, what did this mean? Why couldn't JD ever speak clearly? And yet... Kyle could feel himself smiling. Not from hope, or need, but for the simple charm of JD's gesture. He did love him. He really did.
Isabel approached the man, her Daddy's friend, thoughtfully. She held out a hand, intending to take the pretty flower he held. It was her colour, she liked that. But the man... he'd upset Daddy. But he was also Daddy's best friend. And he didn't seem mean, only unsure.
"'s ok. You can play with Daddy. I can play with Trena." She pointed to her doll, in case he didn't know who Trena was.
And how could Kyle refuse that? His little girl's casual acceptance of JD, her careful reassurance that she didn't need a playmate. "There's nothing wrong with her clothes." (Though Earako's dress did fit her poorly), "But you can take her out."
He didn't say he was sorry. He didn't ask for JD too. And he wasn't going to mention Love again. Not until JD did. And that might be never.
But he'd love him all the same.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:56 pm
JD relaxed. Something that had been coiled inside him eased, leaving him feeling the way he had before he had first seen the girl. He smiled, and with a duck of his head he looked over. Handing the girl the flower, and reaching out to touch Kyle.
It was his fault for makig touch addictive.
"Is too." he said, hesitating before sitting next to Kyle, shifting in a way that was reflex until they touched heat to shoulder. "Isabel's too pretty to be..." he motioned. But then, Kyle had never been so great with the dressing.
"We'll go out, go shopping." he didn't let go of Kyle, didn't get up. "We'll do all that."
And quietly.
"...too." Me too.
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Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:14 pm
Daddy and his friend needed time. Isabel could see that. Holding the flower in one hand, she picked up Trena, and smiled brightly at Daddy and his friend. "'m gonna go play now." She announced, bouncing energetically out of the room. In truth, the heightened emotion, the words between the two of them, it had all scared her a little. She wanted to be alone too.
Kyle caught JD's hand in his own, letting him move onto the couch at his own pace. At which point, all bets were off. He cuddled close to the other man. There was a smile on his lips, a real one, bright and harsh and a little untamed. Possesive, even. Though he tried not to think that way. Careful. From this point forward, he'd be careful.
"Well, I didn't exactly have a chance to take her shopping. The dress is fine. It just doesn't fit her yet." After all, he'd bought the dress for Earako. The style was perfect, in his opinion. And the black looked nice on her blue skin. She'd grow. That's what kids did.
When she moved to leave, he didn't stop her. Isabel... did her own thing. He wasn't sure he quite understood her. But he was new to being a father. He'd learn. And he needed to be alone with JD, just for a little while.
He heard the too, said so softly, and it puzzled him. To? Two? Wait. Too... as in, as well. Or also. Or in addition to. As in, me too.
Oh. He didn't respond with words. Those would come again in time. Better to let things settle. Instead, Kyle moved to kiss the man he felt so comfortable cuddled against. Something, perhaps, to seal the bargin they'd left unsaid.
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