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 Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:11 pm
I wonder if I should, or if it's a good idea at all.
A few years ago, long before I knew what asexuality actually was, I told my family that I was pansexual, as I thought I was pansexual, not like "I have something to tell you", but my mother had been asking about my love life and I told her I had interest in someone of the same sex as me... and explained to them what pansexuality meant, and they still did not understand, and just assumed it meant I was homosexual, and that's what they went around telling everyone that I knew. Yes, they told everyone that I was homosexual, everyone that I knew... and when I dated someone of the opposite sex, my mother exclaimed "I knew you weren't gay!".
These events happened, again, about three years ago or so. When I discovered I was not pansexual, but rather asexual, I have debated with myself on whether or not it would be a good idea to tell them, as I don't want the same thing to happen over again, and I don't want them to misunderstand me when I have to explain it to them. Maybe it's best if they don't know, but I feel like they have a right to.
My world revolves around them and they're the only reason I exist in the first place, not to mention, they've always been there through everything for me. I don't know.
Another thing is, I don't really know if I should tell them if I am genderqueer or not. Even though I known I'm genderqueer far before I knew I was asexual, and far before I thought I was pansexual. As a child I was extremely confused on whether I was a boy or a girl, as I didn't think I was either, or maybe I felt like both, and at eight years old I remember I would stare for maybe even fifteen minutes at a time, wondering which bathroom I was supposed to use. Around that age I gently asked my parents to start referring to me as a him, but they kind of laughed it off. (Nowadays my preferred pronouns are actually It/it's, but he/him and she/her are juts as fine with me)
I've already told all my friends these things, and asked them not to tell my parents. Some of my friends were more than supporting, while others did not wish to speak with me or be involved with me in any way anymore.
If you have any advice for me, or thoughts on this, please let me know.
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 9:54 am
If you want to tell them, but are only afraid they will "misunderstand" your identity, print out a brochure, or a few and make them read it. Don't think just trying to explain a new concept like pan and ace through dialogue is going to sink through. Along with heteronormativity, there's also monosexualism and allosexualism you have to dig through, and the written word is easier to do that. http://asexualoutreach.org/resources/organizations/But also, you don't have to come out if you don't want to. Don't think that you're lying or hiding something, your identity means you're in charge.
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2016 12:21 pm
AroAceQueen If you want to tell them, but are only afraid they will "misunderstand" your identity, print out a brochure, or a few and make them read it. Don't think just trying to explain a new concept like pan and ace through dialogue is going to sink through. Along with heteronormativity, there's also monosexualism and allosexualism you have to dig through, and the written word is easier to do that. http://asexualoutreach.org/resources/organizations/But also, you don't have to come out if you don't want to. Don't think that you're lying or hiding something, your identity means you're in charge. Thanks, I'll check that out. Yeah, I'm mostly just worried that my mother will think I've become someone else, or something like that.. Which is something she always worries about. Either way, I think I'm going to wait a good while before telling them. Maybe a year or so. I'll see then. Your response is probably the most helpful I've recieved so far, by the way.
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