Welcome to Gaia! ::

I new a bit early i was interested mostly in girls, and at 12 or 13 I had my first girlfriend. The first person I actually ever dated, i was terrified of what my mother would say and what my grandmother would so I never came out to them, I even went as far as trying to convince myself I liked guys more. So I dated males exclusively for years and went the extra mile trying to get my mother and family involved with dates that made me sick to my stomach to try and be someone I wasnt really. I was bullied after my girlfriend for years and I thought forcing myself to date men was an answer. It didnt work and made me more depressed and more depressed to the point I tried to kill myself to many times.
It wasn't until I became 16 or 17 when I made a post on facebook, yes I used social media to do it because i wanted to hide so much after and run from it all. I lived with my sister the year before that and that woman could find anything wrong with me. She was the first person who talked to me and seemed so calm and nonchalant about it, she actually asked me questions and seemed interested about who I was and how I knew. She was the first family member and the only one that actually seemed to care, my mother surprisingly said she kinda knew about it (I had a lesbian live with us for a while at age 16 due to other reasons). She became a bit supportive of me also, month after it my grandmother caught wind about it and told me about her gay bother whom I've never meet and how he was treated ages ago for it. My closest aunt and her kids I grew up with are surprisingly supportive also.
Most of my family still dosn't know though but those who do dont care to a point. I cannot crossdress outside of my cosplaying without disapproval from them. When I do i will wear a binder and typical mens clothing and even go as far as to use makeup to make myself appear more masculine. I do this and I love it but having told them and shown them who I was, having the support of two very close family members I can stand tall still.
I'm a pansexual or bisexual what ever you want to call it. I enjoy being a girl and being a man, but I cant take the girl's role. I've accepted myself and not date with that lifestyle. My mother and my sister stand with me and so do my friends.