Welcome to Gaia! ::

The lights go off, the audience going quiet in antici.........pation.

Then a cute cartoon santas workshop pops up on the titantron as a flurry of fake snow falls down from the ceiling. There was no way, smiles lit up on children's faces as a hearty HO HO HO went over the speakers before the familiar tone of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" started playing.

Really? Was Mr Sex really going to have a street fight match agaisnt Santa? Everyone was agasp as a candy apple red sleigh pulled by reindeer came out from the side. Everyone could see the santa suit the driver was wearing and a table sitting in the back of the sleigh with the bag of presents, but the rest was silhouette. The sleigh parked as a figure came out from gorilla position. The spotlight came on none other than musician Alice Cooper with a candy cane striped cane. He held up a microphone.

Alice Cooper: how is everyone doing tonight?

The crowd cheered loudly.

Alice Cooper: I'm here tonight to introduce this jolly combatant right here. Attention now.... ladies and gentleman in the arena and back at home... he comes from the HGTV Santa Hq in the Victor Valley Mall. He is the Holiday Hardcore Havokmeister, the Merry Maniac, the Yuletide Table Smasher.... SANTA BOOM!

The cartoon santa workshop explodes before one word shows on the screen.
BOOM
The lights turned on to reveal this muscle toned santa was wearing a gas mask under the fake beard revealing the hardcore icon Boom. The crowd went wild as they have just witnessed the return of the maniac.

JR: BAH GAWD KING! IT'S BOOM! ITS BOOM! Boom has come to WWFG!

King: didnt you hear JR? Its SANTA BOOM! You think hes got presents in that bag?

JR: knowing Booms mind? Its an equal chance you're getting something fun, or painful.

King: or both!

Santa Boom hopped from the sleigh, passing out presents to kids in the audience as Alice Cooper played him off.

You better watch out
You better take pause
You better hide all your tables because

Santa Boom is coming to town!

He's making a list
Of weapons to use
To smash and whack
And break and abuse

Santa Boom is coming to town!

He sees you as you're bleeding
In Hardcore it's no mistake
He knows how big the mess he'll leave
From all the tables he will break!

So you better watch out
You better take pause
You better hide all your tables because

SANTA BOOM IS COMING TO TOWN!

Santa Boom entered the ring, leaving the rest of the present sack at ringside as he faced Mr Sex.

Mr Sex wanted a present but he did not want a spear.

Mr Sex falls to the mat and says ow my back.

Mr Sex rolls out of the ring and begins to look in the present sack.

Mr Sex was about to c** inside the sack but then his skull is split in half by a kendo stick and everyone screams

Mr Sexs supposedly cool persona broke as the maniac crushed his biggest weakness, the source of his very identity! The titanic degenerate cried in pain as he dropped into the fetal position.
Santa Boom held up the nutcracker, turning to the front row. Given where the toy just was, nobody was really into accepting this gift.

King: Nobody wants that smelly thing! Come on, put it into the chipper.

With a shrug, Santa Boom tossed the nutcracker over his shoulder and headed up the ramp to his sleigh. The crowd gave chants of
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

As Boom grabbed the table in the back of the sleigh. He carried it down to ringside and set it up, the audience knowing what was coming up when Boom had a table!

As Boom headed over to pick up his opponent, the horror and depravity as Mr Sex was now holding one of the cartons of nog stolen from the craft services between his legs. He squeezed, blasting thick nog into Booms face .

Jr: Oh, come on! Theres kids in the audience. This is depraved! Disgusting.

King: Yeah, keep it behind closed doors... and covered windows.

Boom wiped at his mask, not seeing Mr Sex stand up holding a petrified fruitcake. Like cinderblock, the fruitcake shattered as it was dropped on the top of Booms head, the hardcore santa dropping to the floor as the crowd gasped.

Mr sex picked up the deathmatch icon, whipping him into the steel steps with a loud crash.

JR: bah gawd back first into the steel steps. This is becoming a slobberknocker.

King: You think christmas will be canceled after this match?

Mr Sex rolled the maniac back into the ring, sliding his massive frame under the ropes. He dragged Boom into the corner, giving him a slugging punch for good measure before backing up to the middle of the frame. With a salacious grin he charged, crashing into Boom with a bronco Buster, bouncing his hips onto his victims torso. After several bounces, Mr Sex grinded his stanky groin against Booms mask.

JR: Oh, knock it off! This is a wrestling match! Abhorrent behavior
King: Thank god for that gas mask. I can't imagine the stank coming from there!

Mr Sex dismounted, wiggling his hips as he stuck his tongue out, reveling in his degenerate maneuver. He wasn't finished yet, though, as he shoved a hand down his trunks, pulling out a pair of red and green fuzzy handcuffs. He cuffed one onto the ropes and went for Booms wrist. Waking up, santa Boom fought hard against his grip, cracking into Mr Sexs forehead with a thunderous headbutt..mr sex stumbled back as Boom got back up and brought him to the mat with an encore spear!

Boom huffed and puffed, rolling Mr Sex off the side onto the waiting table. It had his name on it after all! Feeling the fatigue setting in, Boom pulled himself to the top rope as he stood. The crowd went wild as they cheered for the Bunker Buster!

King: Oh, here it comes! Booms gonna drop the bomb!

THREE...TWO....ONE...FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Boom launched off the top rope, crashing through mr sex and the table with the diving senton.

JR: BUNKER BUSTER! BUNKER BUSTER! BUNKER BUSTER!
King: i think he just broke mr sex in half with that drop!
JR: This is the kind of high-risk, high reward move that made Boom a deathmatch icon!


For a solid 30 seconds, both wrestlers lay in the wreckage of the table before Boom pulled himself up and into the ring. Bruised and battered, Boom crawled over to the other side, reaching into his santa sack once more. The holiday havokmeister pulled out a large festive stocking with 'Mr. Sex' stitched onto it.

King: oh god what could possibly be in that stocking? No don't show us santa boom!

Boom reached into the stocking, pulling out a foot long candy cane. He examined it, touching a button as the candy cane started vibrating. Oh no! This wasn't a normal candy cane!

King: of course, the gift of a marital aid massager! Hope its not used!

Boom tossed it away. This wasnt what he was looking for. He reached once more inside, pulling out a string of red and green balls connected together. Oh no! Of course Mr Sex had one of these in his stocking! And in the end was a plastic mistletoe.

JR: will this depravity never end?
King: nobody wants to kiss under THAT mistletoe!

This, too, was discarded as Boom thought third times the charm. He pulled out a family sized bottle of JR'S BBQ sauce........ flavored lube!!!!!

King: its lube! Its jr sauce flavored lube!
JR: I didn't sign off on that! I'm suing whoever is responsible !!! No don't give it to me, oh hell.

Boom tossed the bottle over to the announce table. He pondered, then raised his finger as he understood what to do. He tipped the stocking upside down, a flood of thumbtacks spilling onto the mat.

However, the holiday hijinks got interrupted as Mr Sex clubbed Boom from behind. He mounted into Booms back, locking in a grinding STF. Boom cried out through his mask in pain as he slowly crawled to the edge.

JR: he can crawl but this is a street fight. He can't get a rope break. I think this is the end King, Mr Sex gas that submission hold locked in.

Boom kept crawling, reaching over the edge into the santa sack for one last desperate grab. He pulled out his hand to see it covered in a snowman oven mitt. Boom turned his shoudlers, shoving the mitt covered hand into Mr Sexs mouth forcing the break. The two men stood up. The desperate maneuver freed Boom, but Mr Sex was used to things shoved in his mouth, breaking the clawhold before clocking Boom with a closed fist punch to his head, followed by a doubke axe handle to the back. Mr Sex ran his hands down his torso, ripping away his tearaway pants to reveal his banana hammock.

King: im gonna need eye bleach for this.

JR: looks like hes going for the finish, King.

King: finish Boom or finish himself? Ugh.

Mr Sex looked to hook the full nelson hold for his finishing full nelson bomb dubbed the Analyzer, but Boom struggled and caught his head dropping for a stunner. Wasting no time, Boom hit the ropes and hit a third and final spear right into the waiting thumbtacks!

Mr Sex arched his back, screaming in pain as the tacks stuck into all of his exposed flesh. Boom sprang up, beating his chest as his adrenaline rushed into overdrive. The maniac waited for Mr Sex to stand up, too distracted by his needly bleeding pain to stop Boom from hooking and dropping him face first with the Boom Mic and the pin!

1!
2!
3!

The match was over! Boom had his hand raised as the 1812 overture by Metal Patriots blasted on the speakers.

the winner of this match, Boom!

King: theres the end! Its a christmas miracle! Mr Sex will not be earning his title match.

JR: yes indeed. He might even get let go by Cartwright at this point. Goodbye Mr Sex and welcome to WWFG Boom.