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 Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 2:35 pm
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Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:03 am
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Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 5:01 pm
If you want me to give you a fair view, you're gonna have to give me more to go on, because if I was to break it down it would just be two men fighting... and thats about it!
So if I had more of a story I could give you a more helpful view, which would be what you want. sad
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 2:12 pm
Yeah I suppose it's a little vague right now isn't it. I watch too much anime. Anyone notice how much the creators of anime love to hide the plot for as long as humanly possible or longer? I sorta started doing that in my writing. sweatdrop But when I actally finish the chapter I'll definately post it. It might make a little more sense, but I make no guaranties.
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 5:17 pm
Yay. A fellow sci-fi fan. smile I think you did a great job on writing an action scene. In my opinion those are very difficult to write because they need to beboth captivating and clear. I think it would add a great deal to the chapter if you inserted some dialogue or gave us some more insight into the two opponents. For example: Which one is good, bad? Which one is older? What is at stake? Pride? A prize? Honor? My favorite line was Quote: The assailant kicked the heavy sword his way, as if daring him to start the next round. He gave him his second round.
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Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 3:54 pm
Thanks for the positive feedback. It took me hours to plan out and write that fight scene. I even drew up the battle with stick figures before I started writing it (now imagine in your mind little stick figures fighting with really huge weapons). As for what the fight is about and who's good and evil, that's in a later chapter. I planned that out too.
I just recently posted my story on this website called FictionPress. For those who want to check out my full version go to www.FictionPress.com and look for The Seventh Requiem by Kurai-Hoshi (<-- that's me). Leave a review if you like it.
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Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:52 am
I see this fight quite clearly, and that's very good. Even some of my own fighting sequences get a tad bit blurry, but I seldom have combat scenes with just two people. But there are some elements that I think could be included to make the reader a part of the scene, which is what a good author tries to do. Again, I know that I make these mistakes as well, but I try to improve, and so should anyone serious about their art. I see the fight, but what did it feel like to have those claws make a gash on the swordsman's cheek? How did the claw-wielder's arms feel or move as he struggled to keep the overhead strike from splitting his skull? And what about the field of combat? Was there any way, other than getting their weapons stuck in the earth, that one of these combatants could take advantage of their environment? A good swordsman, in any combat, keeps a close eye on how to take advantage of the terrain. Bear that in mind when you continue this scene.
Aside from seeing the combat, it might be good to describe the sounds of their breathing, or know maybe what sort of state their bodies are in from an internal point of view. Again, these are suggestions, and I'm guilty of making fight sequences without these elements as well. But I try to incorporate as many of the senses as possible when writing such a scene. It is difficult to keep up a good pace when doing so, so many writers skip out on such little nuances. It's more than understandable. Even so, you have a well developed scene going here. Go ahead and continue it.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 3:52 pm
Definately liked it. It flowed very nicely and the description was good. I usually have a hard time with liking battle/fight scenes because the writer is jumpy and all over the place. Good job! Just remember to fix that typo someone else mentioned. I saw it to and when 'huh?'
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:55 am
Wow, I nearly didn't read this when I saw it was a battle scene, I find them so hard to follow, and usually a bit boring. I am a laydee after all 4laugh But I enjoyed this one. It may be good to add some more detail to further senses, but I'm not sure; I quite liked the way this one was clear, unfussy, and easy to follow. Well done!
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Posted: Mon Jan 02, 2006 8:36 pm
Very good, even since I don't detail my own fight scenes unless they're very important 3nodding . However, I can identify, and I'd say it's pretty darn good.
If you want criticism, however, maybe I can help. First, I think it would be a nice change to put an exclamation mark on the "Clang" at the beginning. That simply furthers the mood you're trying to set, which I'd assume is excitement. Also yes, the lack of names/plot annoyed me, but I think if it were an actual book where I would eventually find out, that wouldn't be a problem, so you can ignore that, I guess. >_>. Umm, also I think the phrase is "make do", not "make due"... Just a random thought there. But otherwise, very good, and interesting too.
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Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:23 pm
It was an interesting piece, though it's hard to critique such a small amount. Most of what I would say has already been mentioned, such as the exclamation at the end of 'clang' and the repeat of the 'at his adversary'.
One thing I would like to see more of is a description of the setting (which might be inappropriate since it's dark, but setting is nice) and a reason why the two are fighting though you might be planning to reveal that later.
Overall, nicely done.
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