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 Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 11:31 pm
heart Why am I so weary, why am I so blue,
everyday I go on thinking,
how in the hell can I go on without you?
I walk alone in the rain,
it doesn't cure the pain.
I'm living without you,
going slowly insane.
There are no words to express,
these feelings I supress,
I'm in love with you, <******** with all the rest!
I want you, I need you,
I want to taste your lips.
There's nothing I wouldn't give,
to feel your hands upon my
hips.
Love me, hold me,
call me your own,
there's nothing left
to say, but I'm sick of
being alone. heart
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Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 10:27 am
Seems like a nice poem to write in a diary for someone. Or a pop-music lyrics. But not as high as poetry can be. Best in it's own league.
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Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 12:41 am
mizuuko Seems like a nice poem to write in a diary for someone. Or a pop-music lyrics. But not as high as poetry can be. Best in it's own league. Thanks for acknowledging my poem though, and I could use the criticsism, thanks!! mrgreen heart
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 2:52 pm
I thought this poem was very good- the rhythm in most of it was good and the punctuation was good also. The only weird sounding section was the first stanza because it was in three lines instead of four I think, but overall I thought the poem was good. I can't wait to read more!
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 4:27 pm
NIce. The rhythm was like a sad country song or somthing.
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