Sebastian hears a song he hadn't heard in years, and is shocked to discover his former lover Uriel in the library. The reunion isn't as joyous as it seems.
Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2025 1:41 pm
talking★thinking
The tip of his finger curled over the spine of the book he was looking for and he pulled from the shelf. Windurian Ingenuity: A History. Uriel thumbed to the table of contents and scanned it for keywords that would suggest the topic of airships. It found itself on top of the short stack of books he’d accumulated over the couple of hours he’d been there. The topics would have appeared to be random to someone passing by but they all played a small part when it came to building the fantasy world his story existed in. He sat back down at the table he commandeered in the library and wrote a note in the margin then drew an arrow to a previously written section.
He went between reading, writing notes, flipping through his notebook, and pausing in thought for a short time in no particular order. He knew little on the intricacies of airships but like most forms of transportation things tended to break mid-journey, or in the case for his heroes, mid-escape from their home kingdom. And the place they were going to make the emergency landing was just as risky for another person in their party who was banished from there but conveniently left the banishing detail out. Oops. Uriel laughed a little thinking about how he imagined that conversation taking place.
Uriel looked up at the large clock on the library wall, closed his eyes, then pulled his glasses off to rub one eye. Time flew. There wasn’t anywhere he needed to be but he never planned on being there for that long. He closed his notebooks and started to pack his things and looked over to the front counter, where he’d go next to check out his books. He couldn’t remember when Professor Langali’s office hours ended but decided against popping in and wasting anymore of that poor man’s time with all of his questions. Looking at all of the artwork again sounded like a good idea, and he wondered if he would catch something he missed the last time. His group project was a pleasant experience and he got to spend time with Enzo and got to meet Elara, Micah’s fiancee. He needed to introduce and show off Chiara to Micah too, time just hadn’t been on their side for that yet.
Just as he was turning the corner of the table to grab his books and check them out, his feet were suddenly stuck in place and the blood drained from his face. Uriel blinked with disbelief at who was standing in his line of sight and his bottom lip quivered from it. It had been years since he’d seen or last heard from the man he once upon a time referred to as his emberheart, Sebastian. He was quiet but had a glow Uriel remembered to be as intense as he was soft and comforting, like embers. He bit down on his bottom lip to keep it still and held his breath. ’Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry Uriel…’
It was with Sebastian that he felt more like himself again. That he could live and love how he wanted, that there was enough room in the world to live how he wanted after all. But similar to before, it all came to a screeching halt. His parents found out, again. This time, instead of pretending that he and Armand never happened during his time in the war, they gave it all of their attention. He left that room unscathed, at least physically. Instead, the scars lined his mind. No more letters came from Sebastian, and out of fear he didn’t send any either. Uriel placed a hand to the table and let out a small smile. Even with his heart trying to beat out of his chest, he was still happy to see him again.
ÊŸá´á´„ᴀᴛɪá´É´: Utopia - library ★á´Ê á´„á´á´á´˜á´€É´Ê: Sebastian ★á´á´‡É´á´›Éªá´É´êœ±: Micah, Chiara, Enzo, Elara, Prof. Lengali ᴀʟʟ ᴅʀᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ:uniform (right), khaki-colored sweater★ᴛʜá´á´œÉ¢Êœá´›êœ±: "Gods, what do I do...?"
The alone time this place offered him was a serious kick compared to the madness that was his home life. Where most would whine or complain about it, Sebastian reveled in it. No one was bothering him about memorizing the relations between Phronese and their allies. No one was demanding he chaperone Ariel to another ball. He was left to his own devices, allowed to do whatever he pleased when he wasn’t in class. He would happily stay within the academy if he could, but he knew better. His father had expectations, ones that included him returning home with more than a notebook full of songs and thoughts on his peers. No, his father wanted networking to be done so they could build up their Duchy. So they could be better for their country or something like that.
Just thinking about it all gave him a headache, so he brushed it all aside and made his way out of his dorm and into the halls. He contemplated where to go, considering if he wanted to do it solitary or if he wanted to seek out one of his classmates. Wisteria was a definite no go, since she drove him to want to pierce his temple with an ice pick sometimes. She wasn’t a bad person. Just…a brat. Something he really didn’t have the mental fortitude to deal with. Not without large amounts of coffee and a five foot long pole to keep her at a distance.
There was Sam to consider, the interesting young man having left an impression on him during class. He had a view of the world that was all his own. Was it his ability to just be his true self that interested Sebastian, or was it because he was so unlike anyone he’d ever met that he was pulled towards the chaotic creature? Whatever it was, the man was definitely on his radar. He was sure to make the day an interesting one, but no. His mood was a quiet one, and while he was interested in learning more about Sam, the guy wasn’t what he would call quiet.
With no one else on his list of people he could be around, he was left to venture with nothing but his thoughts. It was a pleasant enough experience, since he found himself pretty much alone as he wandered the halls. The echoes of passing thoughts whispered in his head, but none of them took over. It was delightful and had him smiling a bit as he strolled through the school. Of course, he should have known better. The fates despised a happy Seb, and were all about throwing a wrench in his gears whenever possible. And it seemed today was yet another day for such things.
A song began to drift through his head, one he hadn’t heard in a number of years. It stopped him in his tracks and had his eyes scanning the hall around him. There was no way. He had to be hallucinating. And yet, his heart fluttered at the hope. At the slim prospect of seeing the owner of the song again. Before his mind could argue against it, Sebastian began to move once more. Long legs carried him closer to the door he knew to be the library. Okay, yeah, that totally made sense. This particular person loved books, in all shapes and sizes. He was probably in the library more than any other place in the academy. It tugged at the corners of his lips to imagine, spreading a warmth through his chest he didn’t bother to stop. Not this time.
It took far longer than he wanted to find the one he sought out. How freaking big was this damn library anyway?! He searched each aisle, raced as quickly as he could without causing alarm with the steely eyed librarian. And yet, nothing. It wasn’t until he reached the last shelf, the final table, that he was rewarded with the owner of the song. His chest rose rapidly at the exertion he had put himself through, and his glasses had slid down his nose a bit to reveal the dark eyes he did his best to always hide. One hand gripped the end of the shelf he stood beside while the other was curled up into a fist at his side. He looked far more frazzled than he ever wanted to be seen as, but this was different. The one standing before him had seen everything, so Sebastian knew he didn’t need to hide. At least, not this side of him.
”Uriel…” It was all he could manage to say. As if speaking his name would prove that this was a dream. That it would shatter the illusion before him and bring him back to the sad reality he’d been living without the other man. As if to torment him more, the apparition spoke his name and asked a question of him. His nails bit harder into his palm at the sound, emotions slamming into him at a rate he was so not ready for. Grief, longing, desire, despair. All of it wrapped in an agony that he had been forced to experience by the one man that was supposed to love him unconditionally. It reminded him of what he had gone through, what he was still going through, and what he had to do. Even if it killed his soul to do it.
Forcing a deep breath into his lungs, Seb released the shelf and stood to his full height. He pushed his glasses back into place and slid his fisted hand into his pocket. The crescent shapes of his nails would easily give him away, so he hid it from Uri. He hid everything as always and shrugged a shoulder in response to the question. The less he said, the less he would have to explain. And the less time he would allow himself to remain. If he could get Uriel to push him away first, it would be even better. He really didn’t want to hurt this amazing person again, but he would if he had to.
”Probably the same reason you are. This is a place meant to garner peace between the kingdoms, right? I might not be at the same status as you are, but I’m still a noble.” As he spoke, his shoulders straightened and he held his head up a bit in the way his father had schooled him into standing. Intimidating, noble, and determined to be the perfect example of what a Duke was. Gods, he hated it and himself.
location ｡ Library company ｡ Uriel thoughts ｡ ‘Please, gods, let him not hear how fast my heart is racing!’ ooc ｡
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2025 7:34 pm
talking★thinking
He couldn’t help himself when those familiar eyes peeked out from behind Sebastian’s glasses. His chest locked up for a heartbeat as he was pulled back into a memory of their faces being so close his dark eyes were all Uriel could see. He thought that if he ever saw him again, it would be with smiles and hugs and maybe even some happy tears right off the bat. He didn’t think it’d feel any heavier than that. The way Seb stood there, breathing heavily and holding onto a bookshelf, pulled his attention back to the library. ’Did he… run here?’ Yellow eyes opened up more as it came back to him. Sebastian’s musical abilities. How else would he have found him, and run no less? Maybe the feeling was mutual, he was happy to see him too? The corners of his lips twitched upward at the thought. Hearing his voice, and how his own name sounded in it, only had him swell with joy just a bit more. His cheeks flushed gently. The Phoensian Duke that came to see him under the guise of building relations was still as handsome as he remembered.
Only for the smile to lose that curve and purse together as his former lover suddenly put himself back together. He watched on quietly and let his hand slip off the table and to his side. ’... That’s right.’ They weren’t lovers, and with the way things went down between them, Uriel knew they should not be seen looking linked in such a way. Perhaps not even as friends. But what was wrong with that? Men befriended men all the time and some of the greatest stories revolved around friendships, like Froyo and Saam, Haus and Wilsoon, even Hemmington and Loreens in Alain Miranda’s most excellent musical. He moved to stand straighter and fidgeted with one of the buttons of his sweater. The way he looked now was not friendly. He thought back to Elara, and how quick she was to hug him even though they’d just met. It was different from Sebastian and he knew that it wasn’t his style. He didn’t expect but had been more hopeful for something more than standing face to face like classmates.
“Probably the same reason you are. This is a place meant to garner peace between the kingdoms, right? I might not be the same status as you are, but I’m still a noble.”
Uriel’s eyes searched his face and he started to say something but stopped himself. He didn’t mean anything by his question but he had to concede it came out like that anyways. He knew why they were there but often that reason fell into the background until it became relevant again. Being at Utopia was good for him and his health. ”Peace… yes. Apologies… I didn’t mean anything by it. I was only surprised to see you is all.”
”Do you want to get some tea?” Uriel perked up at the sound of his own question. It sounded like a fine idea to him. It didn’t have to be anything serious, just the two of them catching up and melting the ice that felt so present between them. He couldn’t read anything from Sebastian, not like earlier. What he saw felt warmer. As much as he wanted to wring his fingers together, he resisted the urge to at least hide that his nerves were feeling off kilter and instead picked up the small stack of books on the table. ”I was just about to leave here and I’m free right now. If you are.”
”I still remember how you took it. And it shouldn’t take long to get there. We can catch up while we wait.” Uriel found himself speaking quickly and slowed down his speech by the time he reached his last couple of words. With the amount of time that passed he was sure there was more than enough conversation to be had before and even during a tea break. Already he was formulating questions about his twin sister or his music, and Uriel was more than happy to share the progress he’d made on his third manuscript. The timeline was fuzzy and he could not remember if Sebastian walked into his life before or after his parents threw the second one into the fire. His fingers gently tapped along one side of the stack before tightening around an edge and took a few more beats before speaking up again. ”Buh-but if you can’t, we can do it another time. I’m springing this on you on the spot…”
‘Aimra’a’, he felt torn between seeing through with trying to reconnect with Sebastian and making a flimsy excuse to rush out and away from him until another time. There was no going back to what they once were, but he couldn’t ignore the little voice in him saying that he owed it to their history to not shy away so easily. He was confident they were good together then, and that a friendship would work between them just as well. Their families could at least allow that. Uriel had time to think about what he would say to him if he ever saw him again. ”I…”
He shook his head to refocus before one of his scattered thoughts could bleed into his script and mess him up. He spoke more quietly so that wandering ears wouldn’t pick up what he was saying, but he said it with a determination to say what he’d wanted to say for so long, even if it felt smaller compared to his words. ”Sebastian… I know they put a stop to us seeing each other, but…” He closed his eyes then opened them again. Putting his eyes to Sebastian’s glasses. He couldn’t see his eyes, but they were there. ”I don’t want that to be what keeps us from staying friends.”
ʟᴏᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: Utopia - library ★ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴʏ: Sebastian ★ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ: Ariel ᴀʟʟ ᴅʀᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ:uniform (right), khaki-colored sweater★ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ: "Just be honest, Uriel. 'Honesty is the best policy' as they say... "
That smile. The adorable blush. And those eyes. Golden, enchanting, and pulling him in the longer he watched him. He wasn’t going to make it. He should never have followed the music. If anything, Sebastian knew he should have just ran the opposite way. Get as far from the melody that called to his heart as he possibly could. It was safer. For his reputation, his life, and Uriel’s heart. They should just stay strangers. Stay away from one another. He should walk away…Why wasn’t he walking away?!
The sound of Uri’s apology had him wanting to scream at himself. This amazing person. This bright light in the darkness of his world. He shouldn’t be the one to say sorry. If anyone should be sorry, it was Seb. Sorry for not getting a letter to him. Sorry for allowing his father to control his life. Sorry for what was sure to come after finding that he was at Utopia as well. So many apologies. So many ways to try and make it right. But…none of them mattered. In the end, they were stuck in roles that had been chosen for them before their births. Boxes they had been crammed into, molds they were forced to fill. And none of them ended with this beautiful soul back in his arms again. Gods, did that hurt more or less than the first time he’d thought it? He tried not to dwell on it, listening instead when the other man mentioned tea.
”Tea?” Was he really asking if they could just get a drink and reminisce like nothing had happened? Like he wasn’t standing there bleeding from a wound of his own making? No, it was very much a Uriel move. He would try and defuse the tension. Find a way to make things right between them. It was sweet and kind and…GODS! He wanted to shake the man. To demand answers. Why hadn’t he tried writing again?! Why hadn’t he tried to find out why Sebastian had stopped writing?! Did he hate him? Had he even been hurt? The thoughts invaded his head to the point of driving him mad, but he said nothing. Simply stood where he’d ended up, watching from behind his glasses as his companion continued to ramble.
”You’re leaving…My apologies.” There, one apology down. It wasn’t for what it should be, but it was a start. Realizing he was blocking the way out, Seb moved a bit to the side to allow Uri to pass if he wished. The last thing he wanted was for his sudden appearance to be a bother to the sweetheart of a man before him. It was smart to just let him go. To end it before it even began. They could avoid one another. Or, rather, he could avoid the siren’s call that was the bewitching melody of his companion’s inner thoughts. No, he would stay away. It was the smart thing. The right thing. Uri deserved to have a peaceful time at Utopia. No matter if it reopened the scar he’d built up over the last few years without him.
The last words that filled his head, however, stopped every single thought in his head. For once, silence filled him and his body tensed in response. Wait, what?! Friends? Had he really just said that to him. Grinding his molars together, he fought the wave of anguish that crashed through him. His hands curled into fists at his sides, nails biting into his palms to keep him grounded as he stared down the man he had thought he had known.
”We can’t be friends, Uriel. Not then, and definitely not now.” The pain that radiated within his heart was agony, like a poison tipped dagger being twisted between his ribs to impale the steadily racing organ in his chest. ”You are a prince from a kingdom that’s not my own…You have a legacy to build, a woman to make your bride…Ch-children..” The word caught in his throat, tugging a growl from him as annoyance replaced the grief he was reliving after losing him the first time. Clearing his throat, he did his best to get himself under control before continuing.
”Children to sire. It is how the world works and what is meant to be. Let us not dwell on the past by spending time together that we shouldn’t.” There it was. The outright refusal of what he wanted more than anything else in the world. Just one more day with the man he loved.
location ｡ Library company ｡ Uriel thoughts ｡ ‘This is the way it has to be…’ ooc ｡
Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2025 10:13 am
talking★thinking
”We can’t be friends, Uriel. Not then, and definitely not now.”
The air between them was painfully silent but Uriel could hear those words reverberating in his own ears. The rich, magnetic voice that he longed to hear speak tender words and reassurances was instead laying bare hard truths for him. They were the same truths he’d heard from his own parents dozens of times. He was breathing, but Sebastian’s refusal to even be friends left him feeling like he was going to suffocate, like a candle slowly being deprived of oxygen. What a cruel joke the universe was playing on him, putting the one thing he can’t have back in his life for a second time. ”So then… classmates? Acquaintances… strangers?” What he wanted to know more though was if these were the choices and they were not friends, ’Why did you come all the way here?’ Uriel looked at him, trying to hide the dreadful feeling his thoughts were creating. Sebastian had been anything but cruel before, and he felt a little guilty entertaining it.
”I… I would have walked…” It was just above a whisper. Maybe Sebastian wanted to maintain that what was between them didn’t break past friendship status, but he couldn’t bring himself to, at least not between them. What formed between them felt worth abandoning his obligations. It lingered as an old, fanciful daydream, one that sometimes showed up in the morning and left him with a mild ache in his stomach until lunchtime.
Uriel shifted his head and diverted his eyes away from the taller man’s face, feeling a mix of embarrassment by his own foolish confession and like a small child being scolded. Sebastian looked so pained, so irritated with him. He couldn’t see his eyes behind those dark lenses, but he could just feel them watching him, and his skin prickled with self-consciousness. He looked flustered earlier when his glasses slipped, but what was behind them at that moment? Anger, disgust perhaps? His own eyes began to feel glossy and the Funkazan Prince fought back the urge to crumple where he stood with long blinks.
When he pulled his chin back up, he parted his lips to start to say something. To let out a small plea for him to not shut him out after not seeing him for years. He could deal with not going back to the way things were, even as his soul and body cried out in protest against it now that Sebastian was mere feet away. He'd done it before, and he'd have to do it again. Uriel closed his mouth and loosened the grip he had on the books that he’d pushed into his abdomen so forcefully. Even if he did try to reason with Sebastian, it felt like he’d get the same pushback. This was what it was going to be like now. Every time he’d have to give Sebastian his distance, or address him cordially, it was going to give a new paper cut to that part of his heart that sat fractured and isolated from the rest of it.
”Of course. Please excuse my oversight… Lord Raine. We can pretend I didn’t ask…” This was the first paper cut. He gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach up to his eyes. If he had tried harder, he knew it would look like overkill. His mouth didn't agree with the formality of Sebastian's name coming out of it. Uriel took in a breath and made a nod of his head. He could do this, he told himself. Even if he couldn’t. He swallowed down an anger that started clawing up his throat. “I only wish that our kingdoms remain allies and that we both continue to pursue peace… and that your time at Utopia is agreeable.”
He took the opportunity to finally start moving past Sebastian from the back of the library, so that he could go check out his books and get out of there. The better idea of just going right to his dorm came to mind, telling himself he could return to the library and check out the books when the coast was clear and Sebastian was not around. Offer Mr. Johnson a peace offering of some sort for the trouble. At least that way when he got behind closed doors he could fall to the pieces that he was making of himself. Uriel couldn’t stand being himself now, nor the person he was when he let Sebastian slip through his fingers so long ago.
The trembling words his statement earned him had his body screaming at him to move. To close the distance and pull Uriel into his arms. To apologize and give him whatever words he could give him to make it better. To make it right between them. It was what he deserved for what Sebastian was doing to him. But, the voice of his father in his head kept him where he was. Forcing him to watch as the man he adored most in the world shattered before his very eyes.
”It is the right thing to do. You know that to be true, Uriel.” Gods, why did he have sound like his father now?! The words tasted like poison on his tongue, bitter and acidic in a way that had him frowning in response. He wished he could wipe his mouth, find a way to say the things his heart really wanted to give to Uri. He wished…Wait! Had he just…No, there was no way. There wasn’t a single possibility that his companion had just said what he’d heard. Right? His body moved a bit closer, inching in as if he could recapture the words that had been spoken so softly they had to be a mistake.
’Corde meo ember…’ The words whispered in his head, calling for their match as if Uriel could hear his thoughts. Things between them might have been easier if he could. Or they could burst into flames far greater than the ones he was currently setting to them. Sebastian knew he would never know. The echoes of his father’s backlash against what he’d found out about his son were still too fresh. Too close to the surface to allow him to give more than the inch he already had.
”It’s good that you didn’t…Te servare non potuissem…” The part of him that wanted to confess, to give in, slipped into his native tongue. It frustrated him and had him growling softly under his breath, wishing he could just tell the truth. Of course, Seb made no move to explain. It was his hope that Uriel had no idea what he was saying and that the secret of his past would remain as it was meant to. If he figured it out, well, he’d chalk it up to just a miscommunication between languages. It would kill him to have Uri know, even more than it already was. Though, that was before the next words spoken by the other man reached his ears.
”Pro amore deorum…Please don’t say my name like that. I can’t listen to it.” It physically hurt to hear the formal way he tried to say his name. Like it was a new language that he was butchering without meaning it. It was…wrong. His body wanted to shudder against the abnormal phrasing, but he kept himself still. He couldn’t let Uri know just how much it got to him. How much it bothered him not to be called the names he had once so freely been given. It was better. Safer. Wiser. The right thing to do. Sebastian repeated the words in his head, reminding himself even as his body began to shift mutinously against his will.
As Uriel began to shift past him, something in him snapped. The few steps between them were eaten up by his long legs, his arm shooting out to slap his hand against the bookshelf beside his companion. Thanks to their heights being the same, he was able to see the surprise in the other man’s eyes as he leaned in close. His glasses slid down his nose to show his eyes, emotions crashing through them as he filled the space between them with his lean form. He said nothing for a few moments, looking between the golden gaze that haunted his dreams and stalked him in the daylight. Gods, would it be wrong to just kiss him? To give in and take a taste of what he craved most? Most likely, but the temptation was almost too much for him to ignore. His eyes shifted to look over his lips, feeding the desire before snapping back to look into his companion’s own gaze.
”Allies we will always be, Uriel, but peace is something I haven’t had in almost two years. I doubt I’ll ever find it again, so long as I have to listen to your melody from afar.” It was the closest thing to a confession that he could give without just outright admitting that he still harbored feelings for the man. Riding the wave of it, Seb moved his free hand and knocked the books from Uri’s hand so there was literally nothing between them. Since he’d already gone and ******** things up, stepping over the line he himself had created, he figured he could give in a bit more. Just enough to take the edge off.
”I wish that I could say my time here will be agreeable, but I have my doubts. Do you have the same wish, Uriel? That your time here is…agreeable?” As he spoke the last word, he reached out and gently grazed his fingers over Uri’s arm. The contact had his control shaking, the need within snapping at the leash he was keeping on it. ”Or is there something else that you wish to find within the walls of Utopia?”
location ｡ Library company ｡ Uriel thoughts ｡ ‘I’m going to hell for this…’ ooc ｡Seb's outfit Corde meo ember- My ember heart Te servare non potuissem- I wouldn't have been able to save you Pro amore deorum- For the love of the gods
Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2025 5:39 pm
talking★thinking
He looked away from Sebastian to hide the scowl he was making. There was nothing that felt right about what he was saying, but there was no denying the reality behind it. It was like a pane of glass, see through and cold to the touch, planted firmly into the ground between them. Their world was not like the ones he created and not one he couldn’t just adjust with the wave of a quill. He made a move of his head, a blend of a nod and a shake.
The slight movement he spotted in his peripheral had Uriel flicking a weighted gaze back in Sebastian’s direction. He’d meant what he said, even if it sounded foolish and short sighted. The look on his face was proof his words caught his ears, but what his cohort said back to him had his head swiveling back completely. Uriel’s Phronese was near non-existent but he recognized it and for the briefest second he let himself reminisce in the sound and the memories it conjured. However, what was said in common tongue had his shoulders tensing. His lips moved to speak before his voice caught up. “What… what do you mean by that?”
“Pro amore decorum… Please don’t say my name like that. I can’t listen to it.”
Relief filled him as his companion expressed as much dislike for being called ‘Lord Raine’ as he had for saying it. It felt dry and sterile, and didn’t give off the warmth he used to feel when he addressed him by other names. That n** of coldness might have been what they needed to keep things on strictly amicable terms, but an exception had to be made for both their sanities. After an exhale Uriel corrected his mistake. “If that’s what you prefer, then… Sebastian.” As much as he wanted to call him by his old pet name, he held back for fear he’d be told not to use that either. With the matter settled, Uriel moved to leave but quickly found out it wouldn’t be easy. Not with Seb in the way.
He startled and nearly dropped his books when Sebastian planted a hand against the nearby bookshelf, effectively blocking the path to the main exit some distance away. A ragged breath escaped him as he suddenly found himself face to face with the man that made him weak. The same man that had him pinned to the bookshelf, whose name he was loudly whispering in a panic. “Sebastian…!” Uriel looked around with worry that someone else was in the back of the library with them. What if someone saw and said something? But there was no one else to be found. He was alone in the library taking up what little air was left between him and the man that was shrinking his resolve. His gaze shifted back to Sebastian and he looked straight into those dark red eyes. The panic in his mind slowed down and his breathing steadied but it did nothing to kill the mix of anxiety and wishing that swam beneath the surface.
“Shifa, komak… cheh etefaghi barat aftadeh...” His eyes never looked like… that. Uriel could still melt in them, but they weren’t the same warm and shiny ones he remembered. The complexion around them was dark and seeing the hollowness made his heart sink. Before he could ask, Sebastian said something that made him still. He wasn’t sure if he heard right, if he was understanding correctly. It made more sense that Sebastian was warning him not to make him make his time there more unbearable. Unless he meant something else by that. The confusion was near dizzying and if the latter were true, it only fanned the burning sensation that was growing behind his eyes.
“I’m— I’m sorry, Seb…” For his eyes, for the lack of peace, for using a stupid sounding noble title, for anything he did that led to where they were now, he wanted to apologize. His free hand moved to the edge of the wood behind him for strength against the call to embrace him. He could, if permitted, comfort him and selfishly find comfort in his arms too. If only. The thought was lost the moment Sebastian knocked the books out of his arm.
The books spilled to the floor and Uriel jumped with a shock in what little space he had. There was nothing between them now. He made his back more flush to the bookshelf like it’d actually create more distance, but he was only lying to himself. It wouldn’t even take a step to close the gap between them. To lean forward and allow himself a second of indulgence in Sebastian’s lips. Uriel closed his eyes in the hopes that not being able to see them would curb that yearning. It did not.
Utopia was an improvement but that wasn’t what Seb was getting at when he asked about the place being agreeable though. That became apparent when he felt the light pressure of his hands on his arm. His shoulders lifted as he drew in a sharp breath. The skin under his sweater bristled and Uriel’s hand fluttered nervously as he laid it over Sebastian’s to stop him. The whispers to let go were ignored. “First you pushed me away, and now you’re pulling me back… man ra pareh mi kand, ghalab akhgar man…” It slipped out in his native tongue and he held his breath when he realized what he’d done. He could only hope Seb didn’t pick up any Funkazan because he wasn’t sure he could explain what he said away.
But he did let go and moved to take hold of Seb’s tie. He did not pull nor did he push against him, only clutching firm to still himself while he silently choked back the urge to voice anything else about the turmoil within. Instead, he opened his eyes and gazed into his as he hesitantly answered his question. Even though many moons had passed between that moment and the last time they saw one another, Sebastian still knew how to make his heart race. “My wish is no different, and I hoped to find something more too…” They weren’t lovers. They weren’t even friends. They couldn’t go back to that. It was for the best that they smother the flame before it got out of hand for a second time. He told himself he would not let that happen. And yet he was making no move to free himself from Sebastian and his presence. Not if it meant… “I still do but you knew that already, didn’t you? Stop toying with me, Sebastian…” There was the slightest of tugs on his tie.
If this were a test, he was already going down in flames.
OOC: Translations - Shifa, komak… cheh etefaghi barat aftadeh = Shifa, help… what has happened to you man ra pareh mi kand, ghalab akhgar man = It tears me apart, my ember heart
ʟᴏᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: Utopia - Library ★ᴍʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀɴʏ: Sebastian ★ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ: none ᴀʟʟ ᴅʀᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ:uniform (right), khaki-colored sweater★ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ: 'You can still leave, just start walking, Uri... Gods why am I weak,,,'
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