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Okay, well, here's this book that I'm making. I'll post it, chapter by chapter. Perhaps finish one chapter every month or so. Indent's are done in red.



[indent]Just before my adventures, I remember it quite clearly. The image of a nine year old girl on her swing. Her golden hair touched the sandy ground. Her red gown stained with grape juice that she had spilt on herself while pouring it into her cup. She wore no shoes and looked down at the ground, her deep green eyes were clear. It seemed as if she was looking into another realm, but no, it was her past. This young girl is me. This image will remain forever in my head for it was one that was repetitive, I'd do that same thing everyday. I usually thought of my memories with my mother who I missed greatly. The one memory with her that I shall never forget is the night of Sennyo, my elder sister.
[indent]Sennyo's moon shawn brightly in the dark sky. My family and I sat on the hill, which was not too far from the castle, all gazing up at the bright moon, Sennyo's moon. Sennyo sat with her legs crossed staring up at the bright moon with a smiled that went from ear to ear. Her brown hair fell to her shoulders and waved in the light wind of the summer eve. Kentauroso and Fenikkusu, my elder brothers, pretended to be knights and fought with sticks, pretending that the sticks were swords. I sat beside my mother playing with the grass. My father was leaning up against a nearby tree.
[indent]"Mother," I began in my small voice. At the time I was only three. "Why do we come here? What is so special about the moon tonight?"
[indent]"It is the eve of our Sennyo. Her moon comes out tonight," my mother replied in her soft voice.
[indent]"Isn't the moon seen all around the world?" I asked. "Why does Sennyo get everything?"
[indent]"Some day you shall get your own moon. Or possibly, you shall get a sun!"
[indent]It is quite rare for anyone to have a sun. Those who have a moon are even lucky. Once one finds happiness that will last forever they shall find their own moon. So there I sat on my swing at nine years old. I had not yet found my moon. My mother believed that I would be the one to find a sun. I did not think this. I was a girl who did not fit in at all and by getting a moon or even a sun I might fit in. Where I live I was the only one with golden hair. I had no idea how I obtained that golden hair for the rest of my family had hair of brown. Nobody believed me when I said I was an heir to the throne. Of course one of my family members would always step in and tell the objector that I was indeed related to them.

It's very interesting- the plot caught my attention right away. One thing, however, I would change, is some of the wording. Reading at times was a bit awkward, but nothing too serious.

This piece left me wanting to read more- always a good way to end something! I can't wait to read more!

There are a few grammar issues here and there. Your sentences, especially at the beginning and near the end, tend to either drag on (this could be remedied with restructuring and/or commas) or to be awkwardly short and come one after another, as in this instance:

"So there I sat on my swing at nine years old. I had not yet found my moon. My mother believed that I would be the one to find a sun. I did not think this."

This could be strung into two sentences for a smoother flow, like this:

"So I sat on my swing, nine years old, having not yet found my moon. My mother believed that I would find a sun, but I didn't think so."

Also, I have a problem with this sentence here:
"It seemed as if she was looking into another realm, but no, it was her past."
Putting a 'deep' (pardon my vocabulary) sentence like this so early in the story kinda repels me. Try to make it something simpler and more straightforward.

But I can't find fault with your concept originality. Keep working - I'd love to read more.