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 Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 11:10 am
This is a poem inspired by a song by Einsturzende Neubauten (the song started with a "b" and it was in English but I can't remember the title of the song). It's made to look like a love poem but morbid and hateful.
I'll be like a rose in your hands,
Making you bleed when you hold me.
I'll be like the sun in your sky,
Burning you and blinding you.
I'll be like a little dandilion in your lawn,
Spreading and assimilating everything.
I'll be like a shooting star,
Shashing you with my firey impact.
I'll be like snow on the ground,
I'll bury you alive and show you how cold I am.
A long as you'll be with me,
Remember what I'll be for you
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Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:06 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 3:38 pm
very nice i like the rose and snow part.
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 8:43 pm
It started off good. I'd take out the shooting star part or replace it. The snow part I would keep with the cold idea. A few other places could be reworded too. This has some potential to be pretty decent poem. PM me if you'd like. I want to work with this one.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 5:13 pm
Pretty good...It fell pretty well
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 6:42 am
The poem is very interesting.
I like how your poem sounds optimistic yet it's
soo dusky and pessimistic yet also jaded.
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Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:18 pm
that's ******** beautiful.
i agree, however, that the shooting star part is a bit awkward.
PM me? ^^
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