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 Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:12 pm
Mmm...I think it would be fun if we posted jokes to read...but I unno sweatdrop so it's up to you guys xd
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:20 pm
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider
a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-a** guy
in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When
silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand."
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 2:21 pm
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
cool David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a**.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,
"Take this and eat it for it is my body."
He did not say "Eat me"
12) The Virgin Mary is not called
"Mary with the Cherry,
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 6:32 pm
Quote: David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him. Quote: The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry.
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:39 am
There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man replied, "Nope."
So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man replied, "Ain't my dog."
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Posted: Sun Apr 30, 2006 8:41 am
The following breeds are now being considered for recognition by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by...oh well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu
Bull Shih Tzu, a gregarious but unreliable breed
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Posted: Wed May 24, 2006 10:43 pm
hahaha
I had a whole room of people laughing with those jokes Hunter xD Kudos on them...POST MORE! x3
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Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:35 am
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:40 am
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning.
When Patty came into the office, she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her.
The first question was this: "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 11:45 am
Wow, this almost makes me wish I had jokes to tell xd 
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eternalfaith Vice Captain
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eternalfaith Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri May 26, 2006 11:45 am
OH MAI GAH! HUNTER!! How do you get a Pikachu onto a bus?? surprised
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:15 pm
eternalfaith OH MAI GAH! HUNTER!! How do you get a Pikachu onto a bus?? surprised with a baseball bat?
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:18 pm
Kikuyoshi hahaha I had a whole room of people laughing with those jokes Hunter xD Kudos on them...POST MORE! x3 Alrighty...let me find some more of my old jokes...
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:20 pm
A man driving down a deserted stretch of highway notices a sign out of the corner of his eye:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
Thinking it was just a figment of his imagination he drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
He begins to realize that these signs are real. He then drives past a third sign:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity getting the best of him he decides to check it out. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in along black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a plate. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the plate, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $50 out of his wallet, places it in the plate, trots eagerly down the hall, and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
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Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 6:21 pm
Sorry for any of you who are French on these next 2...But GO USA..AmeriCAN ! heart
A large group of French soldiers are moving down a road
when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: One United States
Soldier is better than ten Frenchmen!
The French commander quickly sends 10 of his best
soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun battle breaks out and continues for
a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out One United States
Soldier is better than
one hundred Frenchmen!
Furious, the French commander sends his next best 100
troops over the dune and instantly a huge firefight commences. After 10
minutes of battle, again silence. The American voice calls out again One
United States Soldier
is better than one thousand Frenchmen!
The enraged French Commander musters one thousand
fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets, and machine guns
ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one wounded
French fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his
commander, Don't send any more men, its a trap. There are two of them !!!
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