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 Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 4:37 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 10:55 am
I hope you like criticism because I've got a lot to say, but before I say any of it, I just want to let you know that writing is a big job and I don't want anything that I say make you feel like you should stop writing because you're not good at it, or something like that. The more you write and the more you get others to critique you, the better you get! biggrin I'm not the best writer in the world, but I'm still doing it because I know that time and critique will mold me and make my writing more powerful for the readers and for myself.
Now that that's over with, on to the critique. Being in love or talking about someone you love is the most exhausted subject in literature and music today. With that in mind, the writer wants to make their piece stand out or grab the listener's interest in some way. Your piece does not do this for me because I'm confused about what happened between you and this boy. I have no idea what's going on. More imagery and/or just more clear explanation of what happened and what is happening is needed.
If/when you revise, post it again in this thread, okay? I'll return to read it. biggrin (If you want me to, that is.)
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Posted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 8:12 pm
Oh, yeah. I forgot to say that it's sung by to people. I fixed it now. It may or may not change your opinion.
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