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 Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 7:12 am
I don't know which subcategory this would fit into, I just wanted to write something. I'll move or delete this if it is in the wrong place.
I got nothing valuble to say, really, I just wanted to get this out of my system. My grandmother died yesterday. We were close, even though we lived several miles from each other. The strange thing is.... I haven't cried a single teardrop. I don't know why. I've gone through this day like it was any day of the year, but with the knowledge that my granny is dead in the back of my head. I've been thinking about it, but.... for some strange reason, I can't cry. Now even now, when I'm home alone. Why? I love her and miss her greatly. Maybe it's the shock? Maybe I haven't really understood that I will never see her again, never talk to her, never hug her.
She was the last of my grand parents alive. My dad's mother died before I was born, and dad's father when I was three. My mom's father passed away when I was 14, and I cried. We had so much in common. He taught me the basics in drawing, but he didn't live long enough to see me get better. Only a year after his death my drawing skills improved greatly. I'm sad he never got to see it. I think that would have made him very happy.
And then yesterday, mom's mother died. It still feels unreal to me. I know she is gone, but.... I don't know, maybe I haven't fully understood it yet.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 9:41 am
((I won't move this unless you want me to, kay?))
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. sad It might just be the shock that's keeping you from crying. You're not the only one who's had that happen. I suppose, though, when it sinks in, the tears will rush forward. If not then I dunno. Maybe it means you've accepted without having to shead tears? It's hard to say until a little time has passed.
I'm horrible about crying at sad things so I've never gone through the shock phase. Songs, movies, books, even the death of other people who I didn't know or know well through a friend. They all trigger tears for me. Call me a sap, I suppose.
I've got one grandma left. I never knew my grandpas and my other grandma passed three years ago. Oter than pets, she's the only one in my family that I've known to pass on. *clings to her last grandma* I'd be a wreck when she goes. gonk 
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 10:13 am
It's not that I'm incapable of crying. Things like movies and songs and stuff makes me cry too, totally unprovoked. That is why it's so surprising now. I feel horrible....
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 12:54 pm
Don't feel horrible. Everyone recovers from shock in their own way. It just takes time. Appreciate the times you had with her, and the things she taught you. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel sad. 3nodding
I remember when I lost my best friend's mom when I was 8. She had died in this huge car wreck, along with my friend's younger brother. I was all over the news. It took me about an hour to start crying. Then I started sobbing. But after the night I found out about her death, I didn't cry. I went to the funeral, and I just couldn't cry. I felt like a horrible friend for not being able to cry about it. It was very eerie to not be crying at a funeral. Anyone who really knows me knows I could cry at the drop of a pin. I even cried at my great aunt's funeral, and I had never met the woman.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 2:19 pm
aww T-T poor Nari-chan *gives her flowers and luff and huggles*
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 8:26 am
I'm sorry for your loss Nari. sad And I really can't give you too much insight to your problem for the one reason that I'm a guy. I know that sounds silly but I feel that guys don't show emotions as much as girls. For example, in the past year or so I've lost my grandfather, my best friend's grandfather and my other best friend's grandmother, but I haven't cried at any of their services. I know it's not because I did not love them, but I just didn't feel a need to cry. I think the important thing is that you remember her. I don't know the circumstances to her passing, but if she was sick, know that she isn't anymore; and if it was sudden, know that she has lived a long life, and it must have been her time.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss Nari but we're all thinking of you and if you need to talk, you know where to find me 3nodding heart
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 3:25 pm
Thanks a lot everyone.
I believe everything will come out at the funeral. All the tears and emotion. But it's ok to cry at funerals. It's ok to cry anyway, but if your tears starts falling if you are at work, for example, or out shopping, people will stare. At funerals, almost everyone cry.
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Posted: Sat May 13, 2006 9:32 pm
I don't want to sound crazy or uncaring, but I've actually heard that not crying the day or day after you've heard the news of a loved one passing away is normal. Sure, it probably will all come out eventually, but other times the point you do feel like you'd cry about it, it's just too far ago, and it looses it's affect.
So don't feel guilty for not crying. I've lost 3 of my grandparents all before I was 7, and I never cried. Though, that's probably because I was too young to understand it all, and that I never knew them all too well.
*Huggles Nari*
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 4:01 am
*hugs Shia*
Thanks for telling me. I didn't know that. I was starting to think I wasn't normal.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 2:45 pm
normal? O.o psshh...Nari, since when did this guild have NORMAL people?
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 3:15 pm
Yeah?! I'll admit it, I'm a complete freak! 3nodding
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2006 10:43 pm
Crazy. Every last one of you, nuts. Now excuse me, the King of Norway has requested my presence onboard his Oscar Mayer Hotdog ship. Nanu Nanu.
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 5:04 am
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2006 9:02 am
biggrin Are you smiling yet Nari?
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 6:09 am
sometimes you may need to just tell yourself that you can morn... maybe subconciously your feeling you should be strong... i've been through many deaths lately and i havn't cried for a single one... mainly for the fact that i have accepted death and don't fear or feel bad about it... losing some one close is a very tragic thing always remember not to morn for to long... think if your loved one would want you to break down or not... or just move on...
*looks at what he wrote* the hell am i saying...!? guess i let my half awake mind wander >..<
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