Welcome to Gaia! ::

Welcome to Channel Q news, I am your anchor Nima Sonam, bringing you all the latest events in our little town of Delmor!

Uhh....Thank you Brian....

And introducing the newest members of our news team!

On the scene with: Allister Garvey


And the weather with our intern: Wendy Shores

Nima Sonam here with this breaking news report!

It has recently been reported that a large spaceship has crash landed somewhere in Delmor! Since our usual on the scene guy is out getting a manicure, our intern Wendy Shores is on the scene live with an innocent bystander. Wendy?

Thank you Nima! I am standing here in front of the site with Ted Nugget, a Duck farmer in the area and the only witness to the spaceship crash! Can you tell us what you saw, Ted?

"Yea I can. This spaceship just came out of the sky and crashed on my farm. Destroyed my high tech equipment for duck keeping, all the chicken wire is gone, and the feed bins were tipped over. And now the government is moving in on my property walking through all the duck houses with these strange machine-a-matizers. My poor babies are getting stressed out, and my poor duckies can't be stressed, can you babies? No you can't you poor things... These mean men coming in and bothering you......"

Umm.....Thank you Ted for that....enlightening discussion on the spaceship crash...

"You know, this is why i need to keep a shot gun..."

I'm sure it is. Now, what can you tell us about the alien? Was it rad?

"The thing looked like a wolf! I thought it was going to eat my ducks or take one back to space with him! I can't have my babies going out to space where it is cold and dark... Ducks need tender loving care, and no freak can give that to my babies...."

Yes, but what did it look like?

"Death! Death on a spork! He had these awful clawed hands and feet and a huge bulbous head. The very sight of him was enough to make you sick, i have never seen anything so disgusting in my life... And if it did something to my babies I swear i'll...."

Well, we are just about out of time. Thank you Ted! Nima, back to you!

Thank you Wendy, keep up the good work. When we return from this quick comercial break we'll have news for you on the world's largest penut recently discovered in the jungles of northern Brazil! That's all for now Delmor, we'll be sure to keep you updated on any new discoveries in the case of the alien landing, and be sure to keep a lookout for any strange clawed people with bulbous heads. Thanks for watching Channel Q News, where the news doesn't have to make sense!

[ Message temporarily off-line ]

"Good morning, Delmor! As always, Nima Sonam. Our intern, Wendy Shores, joins me tonight. Wendy is filling in for Brian, as he is out with a nasty cold. How does it feel to be at the front desk, Wendy?"

"It-it f-f-feels g-g-g-g-g-g-"

"Eloquent as always, Wendy. Now we turn to today's headlines. There has been yet another accident at Snottsborne Industries. For more, we go to Allister Garvey, who is live on the scene."

"So I said, 'Woman! Shut up and get me a sammich! I tell you, wives can be such- wait, we're on? Ahem, thank you, Nima. I'm here at Snottsborne Industries where a local reporter has reportedly been attacked while reporting a report on the fire earlier this week. Police have released the man's name, but I'm too lazy to go find out what it is. The odd thing is that no local heroes have shown up to- Oh, I take that back, here comes one now! Excuse me, sir, could I talk to you for a moment?"

"I'm kind of in a hurry-"

"Oh... Say, I don't I remember you, Are you new in town?"

"Yeah. My name's Bronzed, Commander Bronzed. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get my hero on."

"Okay... Well, there you have it! There's a new hero in town. Back to you, Nima."

"Thanks, Allister. That's all the time we have, but remember; Delmor gets it's news from Channel Q News, where the news doesn't have to make sense!

Hello, I'm Nima Sonam reporting for Channel Q News. We'd like to apologize for our extended absence, but Allister was too busy at the spa to report on the news. However, during that time we had a brand new sattellite dish installed so that the news can reach you even more effectively!

The weather has been strangely warm this summer, leading to fire hazards in camping places and the Delmor woods. Scientists attribute this increase in temperatures to something called "Global Warming" and warn of its disastrous effects on the marine ecosystems and our ability to produce Maple Syrup in the winter. Opponents of Global Warming claim that it is a conspiracy developed to frighten people over nothing at all.

The Crime, Justice, and Citizen Hospital Building has begun an effort to rebuild and has found a temporary home in an old Warehouse that has been partitioned off to hold a small number of criminals and patients before they can be transferred off the islandinsula. No word yet if this will disrupt normal ferry schedules.

Next, some suspicious activity was reported last night around Delmor's Whaling, Hurricane, and Art Museum. General Spanky, previously known for his work on the UFO crash Landing at Area 42 on Ted Nugget's Duck Farm, reported on the scene and said in a press conference that he has men investigating and that the whole thing appeared to be nothing at all.

Finally, we bring you grave news of a fire at the Citizen's Saving's Bank of Delmor. The fire originated as a small gas leak that blew out of proportion, quite litterally. The building is badly damaged and there is no work yet the extent of these damages or if there were any casualties. A young woman and man were seen together on the roof shortly before the fire started. Police are looking for them and anyone else with information on the fire, and are asking anyone with information on their whereabouts or with any information about the fire to please report to their new station at 1404 Indigo Street. We've sent Allister Garvey to meet with Lucas Aires, the president of the Citizsen's Bank.

Hello Nima, and welcome Lucas, thank you for meeting with us so soon. Can you give us any ideas on what started the fire?

Yes actually, this is a great way to put it out to the world. Since I managed to escape myself, I've been at a ton of endless meetings. What we've learned was of the gas leak. The gas ignited due to a mindless error from a worker we had down there. We were still touching things up. You know, final bits of construction and things like that. So what happened was, the worker discovered the gas leak, with a ciggarette in his mouth, which was against our rules anyway. So, as he paniced, he forgot about his cancer-causer and ran around in crazed circles, according to one of our other workers. The cigarette fell, and all hell broke loose. Luckily, we had time to get the warning issued.

That certainly is lucky. What is the expected death toll?

Every death toll is grim. Every death is hard. I am thankful that our warning was issued. It saved about a fourth of the people would be my guess. I hate saying this, but everybody at the bank, even the staff, were all at stake. I wont go to guess at what was the final toll, but all I can say is it wont be the lowest Delmor's ever seen. Everyone could have lost someone, even myself. Every death toll is grim. Every death is hard. Wait I think I said that, sorry.

How are you planning on recovering from the fire in your brand new bank building?

Things are not looking very good, Nima. This bank was recently relocated and was the only one out there. Unless we can think up something else soon, our whole staff, including managers, janitors, tellers, and myself alike will be put out of work. First though, we need to get to the bottom of this.

You mentioned that everyone could be put out of work, how will the bank's head staff members handle that?

I don't know, Nima. I have to go to yet another meeting after this. I'll bring that up in there. It isn't something we could do anything about. It wouldn't be fair to forget our workers, but it wouldn't be fair if we had to come up with new work or whatever for them. After all, the fire was NOT at all the bank's fault. And you know what else...Oh my God, I-I can't talk about this anymore. This is too hard, Allister.

Well, we're certainly here for you, Mr. Aires. Thank you again for meeting with us.



Wow, sad news in Delmor today. That's all for today Delmor, this is Nima Sonam signing off for Channel Q News, where the news doesn't have to make sense!

Hello, Delmor, this is Nima Sonam for Channel Q and we are coming back with sorrowful news. The biggest riot in Delmor history occured tonight on top of our own broasdcasting building after the installation of a new sattelite dish. A band evildoers led by a man reported only as "The Politician" hooked the sattelite up with some sort of lazer and was bent on swaying everyone in the world to his political opinions through the use of our new sattelite. He was assisted by General Spanky, famed from his assignment and work at Area 42, the site of the spacecraft crash on Ted Nugget's Duck Farm.

Fortunately, our local band of heroes, The League of Special Individuals, was there to fend off the attackers. They were poorly outnumbered, but still emerged victorous after destroying the lazer and sattelite. Twelve people in all were lost from both sides, and as a small islandinsula community, everyone is mourning tonight. We here at Channel Q lost one of our faithful coworkers, Eddie. He was on the roof filming while the battle raged, and died after tripping and falling off the roof. The infamous Doctor Clean was also killed after falling off the roof.

All other injuries reported thus far are minor, except for one. A John Doe was found impaled on a sword in the drivers seat of a stolen limosine. Any viewers that are sensetive might like to look away, as the police have asked that a picture be played so that people with information on who he is or what his involvement in the attack was should call the tip line at 431-5427. John Doe is currently in a drug induced coma in the hospital's ICU and is listed in critical condition.

That's all for tonight Delmor, we'll keep you updated as more information emerges.