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 Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 1:11 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 3:00 pm
Hey, and welcome aboard. Just so you know, I'm not one for poetry but i know a bit from uni, I'm more for novels.
Alas, I like to look at how people use words and written devices when I edit or give my view, so here goes!
1st poem/stanza: To me it seems your ideas at a little scattered. I guess I was thrown off by the line 'give me wings' I can't see what this has to do with anything. I get the feeling that this is free verse but because you have started with rhyme it would be better to continue the rhyme thoughout or not use it at all because it throws the reading off balance. I like the idea of using something abstract like 'pressure' and definiting it as what it means to you. Cool!
2nd poem/stanza: Ah, I like this poem. It contains many ideas and even a time spand within it. We hear the narrators thoughts and understand what he/she could be waiting for. Nice! Again, I guess you could thing about the rhyming.
3rdpoem/stanza: ... don't quite get this one. It's a tad bit unclear.
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 11:36 pm
Thanks! Yah I guess I should give an explanation for them huh?
Pressure: Well ever since I got American Idiot, I've kinda gotten into the whole "drugs of life" thing. So Instead of using Novacaine - which has been my default - I decided on something more abstract that also realates to my feelings in how I have a lot of responibility
Standing: I was just thinking about how I keep waiting for things that I know will never happen.
Leaving: Yes, this was a bit more confusing. I understand why you don't get it. Um, it's meant to be about two lovers. (not nessacarily me and my bf) when one walks away, the other seems to fall apart, break down. And she doesn't understnad why her lover just left without a warning.
Better? biggrin
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 9:11 am
Hiya! Yay! New people!
Okay, I really liked poem one. It had good rhythm and seemed filled with feeling. The second one, I thought seemed pretty good, but the rhythm was a bit off. The content was still good though, despite the rhythm. The last one felt forced to me, mostly because of the last two lines I think. It was good, just not as good as the other ones.
Keep up the good work!
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