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 Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:47 pm
I was sitting here in my chair typing on gaia and then I closed my eyes and just went to town... as I do in my boredom... and then I read it.... what do you think?
The flame was still in the night
The dark sky hung still from the stars
A shrap blade shined in the dull light.
The swing of the blade sliced the tree trunk in two.
The blade was held by a young man
he was dressed in rags
The blade swong again
another tree in two
The sound of horses near
A single knight on a black horse
he face covered his body in armor.
no sword in his hand
The hemlet removed
the face of rage
his fist smashed into the boys face
he yelled in words of hate and mock
The knight grabbed the blade
he was gone in the night
the young man's dreams broken
his nose bleeding
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Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 11:33 pm
WOW! I like it alot. There's a lot of depth and meaning in it. (I'm just not great with pointing it out sweatdrop ) But it's really good
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Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 9:24 am
thank's alot, I like it too...
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:52 am
*Applauding* Very nice. And moving. It makes you want to feel sorry for the boy.
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Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 7:23 pm
well it's a long stroy I'd rarther not speak of...
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 9:12 am
If you do not wish to speak of it, then I will not pry.
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Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 7:34 pm
no no it's not that... I.. I just have trust issues... sorry nothing with you or anything..
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:37 am
I take it at no offense. It is understandable
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 7:55 pm
Nice poem. Is that part of a story, because it sure does sound like it.
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Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:16 pm
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 3:30 pm
ehh I'd say average. For me it sounds too much like prose. Try to plan out a amoother rythym and use more poetic devices. It'll just make it more interesting.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2005 4:17 pm
Darksky333 ehh I'd say average. For me it sounds too much like prose. Try to plan out a amoother rythym and use more poetic devices. It'll just make it more interesting. I agree
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