Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hooooooooooo boy. This is going to be a long, big, list of problems I'm having.


I never got INTO this stuff, per se. I never sought out shielding, or attacking, or awakening, or what have you. But when I started to feel things, when I started to realize things... I couldn't turn my back on everything that was happening and what I was feeling. Take that in, add some drama, add some bad magic juju, shake it and served cold for one Self-Help martini.

1. I feel ... split, into parts. My theory is that we are reborn each life, and every new life we gain we add to our collective soul ... adding and adding until at last we learn most everything. I also feel like I'm at a horrible disagreement, in a bad downfall from continual awakening until now. I feel pain in my chest, all the time ... some have said it's emotions; others have said it's me, fighting myself ...

2. I can't get myself to do ... anything. I asked myself why I can't get up and do something, and myself doesn't answer; I can't figure out what's wrong or what part of me isn't well ...

3. I have looked into attempting to change myself, but things have gotten worse: it seems I have a problem where I do not have much energy, if any at all. I feel half awake, all the time. I have been tested... it feels like my immune system is failing.

I have been battling myself for years and years, now, all with failure ... it started when I was 18, and now continues when I am turning 21. Part of my problem was to get out of the damn house, but htat never worked since I had no car, no job ... even though I am working furiously to force myself to do it now.

Furthermore, there are "links" to people. I cross them now and then, and quite often to stare at the person at the other end; not out of malice, but out of worrying myself sick. But it's always fuzzy ... I want to see clearer ... I want to see better. Let me tell you why ...

I am having a lot of trouble manipulating energy - magnifying it, drawing it in. I am always short of it in some way or another. What I want to do is to find the people who I like or are my friends... I've gone to them and seen them so black with negative energy, almost like clouds of smoke hanging over them. I know, KNOW there is a way to convert it, or simply draw it in ...

I want to learn to draw in energy, or filter it out. I know I can change the negative attitudes of people ... and although many of them have a right to be angry, I know that they would suffer less if I could fix that.

I want to change myself ... or to dominate the other parts of me that don't let me do what I need to. It's difficult, and troubling, and has been going on for most of my life.

I think I am failing ... a friend of mind said, "If you do NOT change something fast, you will hit the self destruct button." I want to change ... part of me... the other part doesn't, and then ... another part of me, yet, is malicious, and wants me to fail ... so they can take over.

I feel lost ... and although I'm in control for the most part, I can never get myself to do things ... normal people call this procrastination, but procrastinators often don't feel such regret and sadness for what they procrastinate on ... or so I feel ...

I want help but I don't know who to go to. Everyone who's ever trained me and shielded me, who's ever meant to teach me something, has tried ... some more than others, and some busy at the moment, but most have left me behind, because they could not help me, and have their own troubles.

Please ...

Any advice would be good ...

1. That theory sounds right... and once you learn it all you become a gaurdian for someone!

2. Meditate...I used to feel weird...that collected: Thoughts,energies, whatever...

3. Don't try. Put yourself in situations where you must adapt...I know certain things have changed me! For the better too!

Practice on the energy stuff.

(I must have had many past lives. None of this could be coming from THIS 13 year long life)

Tarot is ALWAYS interesting...