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The old thread:
All are a la Finker unless attributed otherwise.

"Wait, isn't Hiryuu kicking the rat with Hayman?" "Ew, the first year?" "No, the sixth year girl." "I bet Malfoy is kicking it with the first year." "Malfoy's kicking it with everyone." "Especially you." "I am not kicking it with Malfoy!" "Are too!" "Are not!" "Oh God, are Ballard and Hayman doing what I think they're doing on the lawn?" "If you're going to kick the rat, get a room, you two!" "Wait, which Hayman?"

*covers Alairs eyes* No Draco! Don't kick the rat with that whore, Alair's still here and has been longing for you to kick his! —Cocoyasha

"Oh my, is that—" "Yep." "I told you he was a ho." "Yes, but with Potter? On a broomstick?" "I didn't know you could kick the rat like that." "Well, he may be a ho, but he is a skilled ho." "Oh, is that why you kicked the rat with him last Tuesday?" "Shut it. You were Thursday." "...!"

"Oh my God, Delacour, Malfoy and Hayman are kicking the rat in the closet!"

"God, Malfoy, you're such a ho." "I'm a ho? What about Hayman?" "Which one?" "There are more than— Oh. Ooooh. That makes a lot more sense now."

"Oh, God, I can't look." "Are those first years kicking the rat? That's disgusting!" "Well, that's, um, yeah. Disgusting." "Uh, Naomi?" "What?" "Why is your cat licking me?" "Well, they do say you're a ho, Malfoy." "No one let's me forget it."

"Hey, Hiryuu, isn't that Malfoy, kicking your fox?" "Ugh, that slimy git." "That's not what you said last night when he was kicking your rat." "That is singularly the stupidest thing that's ever come out of a person's mouth."

"Potter, aren't those your friends kicking the rat?" "Malfoy? Are you actually standing here, innocently going to class? Oh God, someone call St. Mungo's!" "Well, at least, my friends are more subtle about it. Honestly, Pansy, Blaise and I—" "Shut it, Malfoy. I don't need to hear about your kicking the rat with the entire world." "Well, this isn't the entire world it's Pansy, Blaise and— Mmph!"

From a comment on Cocoyasha's profile made by You-Know-Who:

"Alair?" "Malfoy?" "Um, look about that thing. With the cat." "No." "But I didn't ask a question!" "Please go away." "...No. I won't because I did not kick the rat with that cat." "Of course not." "Why don't you believe me!" "Because everyone knows you're such a ho." "I'm not!" "So, kicking the rat with Pansy and Blaise in a closet doesn't make you a ho? Oh, oops. My bad."

"Oof! Please tell me you have a good reason for slamming me against a wall, Malfoy, and no, I won't kick the rat with you." "Lookit." "Wha— Oh. Oh my." "Yes." "Are they—?" "I'm fairly sure." "Wow." "Mmhm." "I think we need to get more girls to kick the rat together in stairwells." "Yes. Oh, yes, I quite agree." "Did you know a person could do that with his tongue?" "I had a vague suspicion. Kind of amazing, though." "Yep... They're looking at us." "Shoot. Act casual." "Mmph! Never kiss me again!" "Never touch me like that again!" "Gah!" "Shush, they'll notice." "Good lord, can you bend your back like that, Malfoy?" "...Relevance?" "Just, well, commenting. You're the ho of the century and therefore the measuring stick for all those who kick the rat."

"Oh my." "Is that Nyx and Isis, kicking the rat?" "Oh, hello, Malfoy, thank you joi— did you know a person could do that with his tongue?" "Oh, I can do that. Do that thing with my back, too." "Of course, you do, Malfoy. You're the ho of the century." "Shut it, Hiryuu. They'll hear you." "Oh, that's terribly clever of you." "Shoot. Act casual!" "Are you whistling?" "I'm sorry, but not all of us think kicking the rat in the corridor is casual, Malfoy." "...Isolated incident!"

Courtesy of Finker! Two versions, same joke. Isis and Nyx. I'm fairly certain both are Lucius and Draco talking? (Finker would like to add: yes, it is. Lucius starts both.)

Oh, yeah, and...



"Acually, I'm fairly certain it went more like he *tried* to and then Quartz bit his nuts... It was fairly entertaining, if I do say so myself."