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Gaian Literary Elitist's Alliance

Official Prose Evaluation Form

Flames_Of_Fury - Untitled Piece

They say that �a story has to have a beginning, middle and an end.� This has all those things however they are not necessarily in that order, and this, more than anything, is just like the universe, such is this age.
People live their lives as if they matter more than anything else when in fact the opposite is true, matter lives its life as people. And not just people, it lives its substantial life as the greenest of plants, the widest of oceans, the tallest of buildings, such importance should not go un-noticed. However it is unconsciously chosen to be ignored by those who are made up by such importance.
This leads to confusion which ultimately leads to wars and the meaningless death� of matter. It�s hard to tell how matter feels about this as its feelings are ignored to the point of no knowledge of those feelings. People only care about the death of those who were made from the matter they unconsciously choose to ignore the feelings of the matter. And the universe is meant to make sense?


Language:
Some complex vocabulary attempted here! I really like the wide selection and appreciation of words and their meanings here. Spelling is fine, as far as I can see... 8/10

Punctuation:
Hmmm. A little confusing with the punctuation in the first line (too many commas falling on unnatural stresses) otherwise, some well placed punctuation. 7.5/10

Style:
Oh! A very deep style employed here, not through use of techniques, rather through use of profound thinking. Good attempt here at trying to confuse us! 8/10

Rating:7.8/10

Additional Comments:
A solid, well thought out piece with some profound themes. I like the way you turn the perspective of matter around, and other than that slightly illogical first sentence (?) it reads perfectly well. Good work!

Gaian Literary Elitist's Alliance

Official Prose Evaluation Form

Prologue


It all started with the meteor shower… It was a clear starry night, but that didn’t matter to anyone. Tonight they were all gathered to watch a meteor shower. Supposedly one of the meteors had the mass to survive for ten minutes with out burning up. We had no idea the pain and suffering would occur just a week afterwards. We were just watching the sky.

The predictions were right the final meteorite lasted for ten minutes before it disappeared. That night is when most people believe he landed. The carnage didn’t start for a week. I guess he needed time to adapt to our world, while he tested the limits of his immense power in the new environment. His main power was mind over matter, meaning that if he thought about something hard enough it would become reality. From this power sprung hundreds more each as wild as his mind. He seemed quite invincible, so there was nothing we could do when he started demolishing things. Most people would think that being thought out of existence wouldn’t hurt. This would seem true, but he, enjoying the anguished sobs and screams, would get rid of only necessary parts such as their heart. His victims would slowly suffocate even though they could still fill their lungs with air to scream. This was his way, he would go around taking hearts, veins, eyes, and worst of all the minds of his victims. With buildings and other such inanimate objects he might remove the first floor or set a hellish fire on them that could never be put out, unless its job was finished.

And so forth…

Language: 6.5/10 Some good use of complex language and subject specific jargan, but not as evenly spread as it could have been

Punctuation: 8/10 No real mistakes made, but try to use more semicolons and such to achieve a greater dynamism

Style: 6.8/10 Very bold, brash style, obviously very confident, though in places, the brief nature meant that it sounded somewhat farfetched. A minor relaxation of ideas into one story would very quickly, very easily, make a huge improvement

Rating: 7.1/10

Additional Comments:
Very minor adjustments could easily push this to a high 8 or a 9. Perhaps a little less ambitious for such a short piece.