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 Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 8:20 pm
Here's some of my poems ^_^
Leave
I just want 2 runaway
From my problems... everything
every passing day
makes me think back and cringe
why should I stay here with everyone
In a world were no one cares
wats done is done
but... how could i dare
say no one cares
for I know that the 1 true God
is there
4 me 4ever
so there is a reson to be here in this world
so i won't runaway, I'll stay and fight the battle
Betrayed
Why am I feeling this way?
the feeling sweeps me away
I?m all alone
every ones gone
the rain pelts my face
it was just a race
to become better frends with the person first
Oh how i thirst
for the river of frendship
I emerge from the ship
I see now
how
I can leave my pain
how I can change
I?ll keep my distance
Beause that was there last chance
good bye friend you have hurt me to many times
You?ve let me in a pool of hurt
so goodbye
~~~Trust~~~
I trusted you
but you abused that trust
secerets of the old and new
but you spreaded them out like dust
I loved you
but now I hate
all the thing you do
trying to get me back but its all to late
All I an say is you abused a gift I entrusted with you
A gift called Trust
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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 5:12 pm
May I suggest writing out words like "to" instead of replacing them with numbers? It generally makes the whole thing look more appealing to a reader. 3nodding
Also, once you choose a pattern for how much punctuation you use in a poem, I recommend sticking with it.Example Instead of writing:Why am I feeling this way? the feeling sweeps me away ... you could try:Why am I feeling this way? The feeling sweeps me away .You see, because you chose to write the first line as if it were a normal sentence, you should remain consistent and write the rest of the poem following the same pattern.
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Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:46 pm
Thanks : ) biggrin I originally wrote it kind of sloppily but I thought I edited it.. I guess I missed a few : )
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Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:54 pm
Choice
A spark Of hope
A light to guide you
One friend to love
And one to trust
Another Chance
Don't give up
Your almost there
The journey is ending
You can make it
The light will guide you
Choice (part 2)
Give up
All hope is lost
Friends betray you
No chances left
You won't make it
Give yourself to the darkness
Your troubles will end
Epilogue
Which will you choose
The light of guidiance
or
The dephs of darkness?
I decided to right this kind of beause of kingdom hearts hehe lol
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 3:03 pm
My pain in words
The wind blows
The rain patters
My tears flow
As I think about all my hardships and matters
My tears fall faster down my face
They fall fast as if it is a race
The moon shines in the night
And that comforts me and makes me think...
that I just might...
Get over all the pain I've been through
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Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 3:07 pm
I like the Choice poems.
It makes me think of the "songs of innocents and songs of experience" Your writings good, but a little sloppy. Synchronize the amount of syllables per line and write using compleat words and your writings will be exsquisite 3nodding heart
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Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 3:17 pm
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2006 6:49 pm
I've made another portfolio so please dont comment here anymore! Thankyou!
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