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 Posted: Sun Jun 18, 2006 2:16 am
It was mid-day, and Radhi-nuru, the fire of the sky, kept a watchful eye on the mortals below him; though none held a place in his heart more so than the Jua'nuru. It had been a few days since he last spoke to Chaka'alasiri, his priestess and secret object of his affection. He wasn't certain the reason why he avoided the place he usually found comforting, or the one who's smile gave him most reason to shine, but the last time he met her (or one could say, the first time), had given him much to reflect upon. He wasn't afraid.. Oh no. He was just.. Giving her time to register the shock from their earlier encounter. Yes, that was it.
But now he could stand it no longer, and he called out through the depths to the mind of the one he so admired. His voice echoed softly in her brain, despite the distance between the pair; he had no doubt his faithful servant was ready to listen. "Good day, my child.."
The pale lioness had been going about her usual routine, prowling the lands of the Jua'nuru idly, when that voice she served, that duty she lived for broke into her thoughts.
"My lord, a good day indeed."
The words were as writing scribbled on her thoughts, not so much speech as indentations in a wax tablet, felt more than heard.
"How may I please your lordship today, great Radhi-nuru?"
He beamed (quite literally) as she finally responded, and even more so at her eagerness to please him. Perhaps it was self-indulgent of him, but he couldn't help but delight in her compliments. He tried desperately to keep his mind on the pride and the responsibilities he had made his own, having already spent their last meeting as a bit of selfish gratification. "Tell me, priestess. How are my people this day?"
"Well, my lord, your benevolence has left the Jua'nuru as you would wish, my lord."
Seating herself, Chaka began to make herself comfortable, the hope of receiving some message or order from the bright lord of the sky presenting itself in her mind.
It seemed a crime that there were any in the world who did not worship him, foir what greater deity was there, than her master?
The infidels would meet her wrath, should she ever meet them.
He smiled as though he were smiling right at her. As he would wish? Perhaps.. He would admit despite his best efforts, they were not doing -quite- as well as he'd hoped. Still, they persevered, and not entirely by his own merit. "Still, there are mouths to feed. I hear the murmurs of some, that I have not provided as I should.."
He thought to himself for a moment. Perhaps he had led them astray. On the mountain, he thought they would be safe. It was defensible, it played the strenghts of their colors, but.. As food ran scarce, he wondered how much he could help before they would run out. "And perhaps I have not."
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Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:15 pm
A frown marred the pretty face of the lioness, creased those mesmerising eyes.
"You, my dearest lord, not provide? You provide more than we could ask, perhaps we do not take of it as we ought.
But children under your light we are, and we will follow your ways, and thrive!"
It was true, the herd animals were not found in the masses of the plains, on the mountains.
But this, Chaka held, must be the fault of the prey. They could lure them, perhaps, or send the hunting party down. Their lord could not be blamed, for omnipotent were his ways.
Radhi-nuru smirked to himself, wishing he could have seen her face as she said that. Such blind conviction and unfaltering loyalty.. Although he found it one of her best qualities, it would only make the sting more painful should he fail her.. Er, fail them, that is.
Yes, he had to provide for his 'children'; he'd gotten himself too involved with them to let them die because of his meddling. Most of the food available to the Jua'nuru had already been eaten, and their options were slim. He'd led what he could up the mountain to them, as he had done with their mothers and fathers not too long ago, but he could only do so for so long. At first he'd foolishly thought they would be fine on their own. But now, this 'land of safety' he had led them to would become a prison of death, with moon-worshippers as the door guards. He wouldn't admit defeat.. If they were to live, they would have to gain numbers.. And destroy their enemies once and for all.
The sun god sighed before speaking again, his words more for his own contemplation than for the ears of his priestess. "Perhaps.. But what if 'my way' is something I could never ask you to follow..?"
These words shocked the lioness. Had she not proven herself to be an unfaltering worshipper? Did her lord doubt her now?
"There is nothing you could ask of me, lord, that I would not do."
It was true enough. She would die upon the word that it was necessary to prove her zeal, for what good was incomplete religion?
If not for her god and her pride, then what was it she lived for? Indeed, there was no greater pleasure for Chaka'alasiri to know herself acting upon divine will.
"I know, my child." He responded. He had no doubt of that. But if he asked them to fight, could he guarantee their victory?.. Even if they should mate and give birth to a new generation of warriors for such a cause, the cubs might die before they would have a chance to become proper warriors. What they needed were rogues, fully grown and willing to provide and fight for the Jua. But how would they find them on their own..?.. Perhaps he would have to intervene once more.
"But whether or not I want you to do what I know you must.." He sighed, trailing off and pausing for a moment to think. What orders should he give? To damn them with war or with starvation?.. No, he had no holy decree. He himself did not know how this would play out..
These words silenced even the overflowing thoughts of the young female.
That Radhi-nuru was in some internal conflict was obvious, and though unable to help him, she attempted, in her own rather less than soft manners, to sooth some burden.
"We shall forever follow your lead, my lord, or do our own as you would wish us."
Perhaps there was much to worry over in the pride, but as mortals, she and her kind made mistakes, and to burden the divine with them, no, it was intolerable.
"We, unlike you, lose our way now and then. But we shall find the path you shine on."
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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:09 pm
((Aha. 8D;; ))
The sun god's maw curled into a sad smile. He was glad that his priestess would never know how lost he really was now. He was desperate to supply her with guidance when his mind became plagued with doubt.
But his infallibility was wearing on his heart. The one thing he couldn't be right now was vulnerable. Not to the Jua-nuru, and especially not to his blessed Chaka'alasiri. Even now as he questioned his own judgement, his resolve had to remain iron in front of his followers. Even if he chose poorly, he must stand behind that choice. Even if they fell, it would be better than to sacrifice the faith they had intrusted in him. ..right?
The sun god's maw curled into a sad smile. He was glad that his priestess would never know how lost he really was now. He was desperate to supply her with guidance when his mind became plagued with doubt.
But his infallibility was wearing on his heart. The one thing he couldn't be right now was vulnerable. Not to the Jua-nuru, and especially not to his blessed Chaka'alasiri. Even now as he questioned his own judgement, his resolve had to remain iron in front of his followers. Even if he chose poorly, he must stand behind that choice. Even if they fell, it would be better than to sacrifice the faith they had intrusted in him. ..right?
These words pleased Chaka, but a concern of what was needed of her still remained, the idea that it was her duty to serve, to spread the message of the omnipotent Radhi'nuru was so ingrained upon her mind.
And I shall seek to follow it, my lord. Where would you lead me, sire? What would you have me do?"
The insistence in her voice was somewhat manic, the need to do his will almost rabid in her veins.
The emotions he tried desperately to ignore were fighting to surface as her fervence for him fueled the fire. Without trying or meaning to, he felt himself gravitating to the mountain where she stood.
Why couldn't he give her his decree? He had never felt so unsure. What was this mysterious feeling that clouded his judgement?
There were prophets before her and he watched almost carelessly as their lives were snuffed out by the wear of time, easing his heart by reminding himself of the rules of mortality. And he guided them before with confident ease, all the while knowing what the consequences could be. They were mortal; their lives were but moment in time before death would take them anyway. Why now did such a thought frighten him? Why did the thought of her eventual passing cause a chill to run down his spine?
Even as he indulged himself in selfish desires and stolen glances, he began to feel resentment to his own affection. Would this bond mean the death of her? Even now the Jua-nuru had lost so many due to his hesitation; his fear of losing her. Radhi-nuru felt his heart sink as he realized the truth. With his own selfishness he would bring forth her destruction. He was certain now what must be done.. To be her god, perhaps he could never be anything more..
He swallowed hard and his voice grew cold. "For now I ask that the Jua-nuru stay away from the borders.. The snow will not be sullied by the blood of my children.. I will see to that myself."
Stay away from the borders? Allow the infidels to go on living as if they were not wrong in every aspect, every thought? As if their every prayer were not an insult? Everything Chaka knew, everything she believed rebelled against this thought, and even coming from her infallible master, it made her blood boil.
"But if we do not see to the others, my lord, how will we overcome their heresy? How will your name rule supreme? How will I cleanse them all?"
The last of these questions had a manic screech to it's notes, a true sign of the feelings seething through the priestess' blood. If she was not the one who heard and commanded Radhi-nuru's words, what was she? What were her people if not the sun-god's chosen people, chosen to enforce his laws? What would become of them, of her? What would become of him?
Radhi-nuru felt the anger in her voice, though his guilt chose him as the target of her rage and not the enemies to the south. He had pushed her to this. He had poisoned her allegiance into bloodlust for those who would be her kin. His foolishness would be their downfall unless it ended now. He would make it end.. Even if it was the end of him.
The lion god's voice boomed with a harshness he had never spoken before. "My name?! How many will die in my name? What glory can there be in that? How many mortals must die for the sake of me?" He felt his fur stand on end as a growl escaped his throat. "Would you defy me now, priestess? How can you dare to understand the ways of a god?.." Though his words spoke to her ears, they were meant for his own, and he repeated them in his mind over and over. She could never understand is ways.. A mortal could never understand his heart.
These words, scolding, harsh words, cut Chaka to the soul, and it was with ears pressed against her skull and tears forming that she responded, pain slicing through her voice.
"I would defy mortals, mortals who ignore you, insult you! I understand their ways, and I abhor them. I am your priestess, always your priestess, and now you tell me not to preach?"
Her voice broke, sobs seeming to bubble up from her throat, but it was anger, as much as sadness, that was propelling her words. Her god, her guide, and she was to tell none of the infidels of their folly? Of their immense wrongs? How was she to be his priestess, when he turned his back on her, forced her not to be his fervent believer?
He heard her weepng as though he were standing beside her, and it ripped into his heart like the claws of a beast. Were his anger tempered, were he willing to voice his regret for his words, could he even apologize for them? As her god, he was absolute; there could be no atonement when no wrongs could be done by him. But he bore the sting of her cries none-the-less, and his chest felt like it was burning from the ache it caused his heart while still he bristled from the wounding of his pride. He would not be defied by her, even if she did so through her own love. She was his servant, not his equal.. He had blinded himself to think she could ever be.
"Do not question me, priestess. It is not the insults of the unbelievers that ring in my ears, but the doubt in your own voice.." He swallowed once more, then paused with sorrow as his gaze fell on the mountain below him. While normally the sight of it brought him joy, now his heart was filled with bitterness. If only she knew the reasons for his choices, would she argue with him this way?..
He looked to the sky, and instead of anxiety at the coming of night, now he found himself longing for it to take him, for the darkness to fall over him and for his sleep to pull him away from this place. To pull him away from her and this pain in his heart that he couldn't understand.
Doubt? She, doubt his word? Doubt his omnipotence? No, never!
The very accusation was like a knife-point to her soul, and with tears racing their way down her cheeks, Chaka turned tail and ran.
Back down the mountain, paws speeding away under her.
She would prove she was his priestess. She would crush unbelievers as she found them. She would. She was good, and she would not fail him in this.
The sun god could feel his priestess retreat from him, but to where, he did not know. Tangled in his own self-absorption, he wasn't sure he wanted to. The guilt he felt for pushing her away turned into hurt from her rebellion.
A curse ran across his tongue as tried to guard himself by pushing her away, as far from his thoughts as he could, but still she lingered. He thought he was protecting her, but maybe he was only protecting himself from her. In doing so, he might have destroyed the only thing they had together. He had made himself a fool.
To be with her the way he secretly desired, he would have to destroy her image of him. Even now he let his weakness cause her pain. But feeling the pain in her voice, he knew he could never take her faith from her for his own happiness. How could he ever ask her to accept his love in place of a god's glory..?
On his golden wings, Radhi-nuru fled from the mountain, from his shame.
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