Gaian Literary Elitist's AllianceOfficial Poetry Evaluation FormHorigome -
Forever Autumn
An autumnal atmosphere enriches the air,
Bringing feelings to those in awe of its flair.
Emotions golden warm of a season so grand,
Anticipation of soon to be winter white-land.
The leaves they fall, like confetti of nature,
Testimony of the season's great stature.
The trees become bare, and the branches so lone,
That they look like true skeletons, no meat on the bone.
People in the park within fields of gold,
Reminisce of past years, and autumns of old.
The trees may have aged as well as the eyes,
But to say it has changed is one of those lies.
For autumn's a month that is in status quo,
As anyone who's seen it, should surely know.
That time may pass and we grow old
But always there will be, fields of pure gold.
Nature's Song
Listen, to the music in the world, that rhythm all about,
The singing of the songbirds, the wind with its bold shout,
The rustle of the leaves and the whisper of the willow,
The crunching of green grass as the foot treads in the meadow,
The comforting waves of the white, sailing clouds,
The talking of the trees behind tall wooden shrouds
The worms and the rabbits with a drumming bass of ground,
In all they come together to make, the loudest, silent sound.
The world orchestra plays the universe's sweetest song,
A culminating concert of a planet live and strong.
The flute of the wind and the cello of the trees
With the bass of the ground, and the buzzing of the bees.
Language:1) The language here is not too horrifically poor, the latter points shall deal with the other more important aspects. A word of advice would be to perhaps think carefully about the choice of words, especially using techniques such as alliteration. 6.1/10
2) Well, see above - much the same. It really depends on the atmosphere you are trying to create as to what vernacular should be used. Here, a gentle-sounding vocabulary could be made use of to reflect the theme of the poem. You have attempted to use this. 6.2/10
Punctuation:1 & 2) Well, punctuation seems fine, although poets do tend to use more semi-colons and dashes as well as that ever-important enjambement, dependant on the type of 'metaphorical pun' technique employed. 6.4/10
Style:1 & 2) As both poems are much of a muchness, I would try and break both of them down into their metaphorical ideas and then build up the rhythm and structure needed to convey them. It is a valuable thing to differ style so as to not become 'bogged-down' in a particular style.
For both, I award:- 5.2/10
Sructure:1 & 2) You could perhaps vary the four line stanzas a little from time to time. Some poems are better disjointed dependant on the themes that are to be portrayed. 4.9/10
Techniques:1 & 2) Very sparse in the way of poetical techniques to analyse. I would, however, try to not use the cliched rhyming couplets frequently and perhaps do a little free verse here and there. Alliteration and sibilance help the emotive nature of poems. Sibilance would be a good choice, as it is of a more gentle-sounding nature ('shh' sounding words). 5.4/10
1) Rating:5.6/10
2) Rating:5.6/10Additional Comments:Perhaps read some professional poetry to see styles, poetic techniques etc.
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