The Revelation of Four Minutes and Approximately Twelve SecondsBy: Nolah
Commissioned by: Vampiric_Lust
It had taken Charlie a total of four minutes and approximately twelve seconds to feel like an absolute shite. He'd been leading her along the whole time, the whole goddamned ******** time. He'd come to that conclusion upon watching her walk away towards the beach with that beautiful smile, saying that she'd be back later and he'd felt absolutely nothing-or at least nothing that he would connect with being in love with someone or having any kind of romantic intention for someone. Definitely not what he saw between Sayid and Shannon, not that kind of feeling at all. Maybe an affection of an older brother? Was that what he had become to Claire after all this time? Even after that confusing jumble where he'd basically blurted out that he'd loved her and she'd turned him down and now...now after they were over that and seemed to be on the right track he had made the horrifying discovery that he no longer felt that way.
He couldn't understand why it hadn't come sooner, but then perhaps he'd been concentrating all of his efforts on someone else, and who that someone else was altogether more terrifying and horrible prospect than his earlier revelation that he'd appropriately named the revelation of four minutes and approximately 12 seconds, even though he didn't have a watch.
Sure, he hadn't been too religious in the past but he was getting it back and he had been a devoted parishioner at some point-before all of the drugs and the music...but if that had been bad then surely the church wouldn’t approve of his latest habit. Staring at the make-shift hospital to see if Jack was there working or organizing, or doing something so that he was at least visible, or sitting with Claire and all the while thinking about some kind of ailment he could concoct so that he could go over and ask Jack's advice-in denial that he was hoping for more than an aspirin. Perhaps it had started to sink in when he'd see the sweat on Jack's arms, on that slowly darkening skin and wonder what it tasted like, or if it was normal to want to kiss his tattoo, or maybe visually unbuttoning the buttons on those infuriating shirts he wore-what was the point in Jack wearing shirts, don't they just impede him? And again there was that moment in the cave in when they'd been so close and Jack had told him he wasn't useless and he'd saved them. He'd felt like superman on that day. But then he would picture the confessional and the understanding father on the other side and curse himself twelve times over and then curse the damned Island because really this was all the Island's fault...wasn't it?
And even after Claire had headed off and he'd had the revelation of four minutes and approximately 12 seconds he was still trying to think of a plausible reason for going over there. Headache? No...he's used that three times this week, so much so that Claire was beginning to get worried, even encouraging him to see Jack although she had no idea of what that would entail, that it was something Charlie sought desperately but was also afraid. Fever? No, because then he'd have to lie out in the sand and the sun for a while and that would mean that Jack would be out of sight, off with Kate perhaps and that was always bad. No...but then the proviso of simply going over there to talk was terrifying in itself. What would they talk about? The merits of experimenting sexually with someone of the same gender-something neither (insofar as Charlie was aware of) that they had experienced, and oh, by the way it's you that I'm after? What a disaster that would be.
Stop being a coward. It was Liam's voice-trying to convince him to get over everything that came with being a rockstar, but this time the rockstar scenario was as far from his mind as it possibly could be. Now it was just Liam's voice telling him not to be a coward although he doubted Liam would condone the fact that he was using this to psych himself up to go talk to the man he possible wanted to kiss, and honestly more. Then the ball dropped. Claire. He could go over on the pretense of wanting to ask some questions about Claire, which in truth he had been meaning to do for a while. His whole reaction at the false labor hadn't been very heartening for his competence level. Yes, that was indeed what he would do. He would march up there with all of the confidence in the world and ask Jack if they could talk...away from the caves. The prospect was petrifying.
"Jack?" The man in question turned, hand dragging across his forehead at droplets of sweat that stubbornly never seemed to leave. Charlie felt his heart check for a moment and he stood, staring at the simple motion, curiosity once again grabbing at him, as a small grin twisted those maddening lips into a grin.
" Charlie." Jack said after a moment of silence. "Another headache?"
"No...I...er, can we talk?" Jack seemed surprised but nodded almost immediately.
" Sure...is something wrong?"
" I want to talk to you about Claire...could we maybe go for a walk or something?" For a moment Charlie felt like the bravest man in the world, even though his heart was pounding and the blood was rushing so fast that he was surprised Jack couldn't hear it, shouldn't doctors be aware of things like that?
" Sure..." Jack seemed concerned as they left the safety of the 'hospital' and moved away into more dense territory, not just for the lack of trees but because Charlie was beginning to worry whether or not the ability to breath was vital to his survival because it seemed to have deserted him.
"So...it won't be long will it?" He asked finally, trying to look conversationally at Jack.
" No...in a day or two, no more than by the end of the week. Why? Is something wrong?"
" Not really...I just, I want to make sure I know what I'm doing if I'm the one who's there when it happens. Don't want to let her down, y'know?" Once again the words 'you're not useless' flitted through his mind and he smiled, despite himself.
" That's totally normal Charlie, look." They stopped walking and Jack placed a hand on his shoulder, for reassurance though Charlie was afraid of the tremor it sent through his body. "Everyone's nervous about it, and you're close with her, really close with her but don't worry. I'll make sure nothing bad happens, I promised her and now I'm promising you. Nothing bad will happen to Claire.” He seemed so sure in his words, like he had to believe them himself and that if he didn't then something terrible would happen, like maybe the world would swallow him up and keep him in the dark.
“Thanks..." Charlie swallowed and suddenly his throat seemed like sandpaper. He took another step deeper into the jungle and Jack followed, maybe a foot ahead, consciously clearing the overhanging brush as they moved and this time, when Charlie looked up at him there was something unreadable behind the usually concerned eyes. Charlie felt the first inklings of hope but quickly dashed them. Jack was a manly man, Jack was a hero whether he wanted to admit it or not and Jack had something going on with Kate, it was obvious. "It's just she's really scared and-oh!" It wasn't the most masculine thing he could have said in the instance but the fact that Jack had just tumbled, twisting at the last second, grabbing for something to steady his fall and Charlie had felt the fingers dig into his arm and the only word that came into his mind as they fell in tandem towards the vibrant green floor was 'oh'. And then their chests thumped together painfully and Charlie found that he was only centimeters away from Jack's lips-Jack's face rather and that it was so uplifting that it took a moment before he realized that Jack had made no move to get up or roll out from under him.
They were just staring at each other and the light filtering in from the trees above was making exotic patterns on Jack's skin and Charlie wanted to trace them, kiss them-do something and so he did. When their lips touched it was the lightest of brushes, just barely contact at all but enough to make Charlie's head spin. The church was going kill him and he was going to burn in hell. But who cared because Jack still hadn't pushed him away and Jack wasn't looking disgusted or angry or anything other than...Charlie had no chance to react because this time it was Jack who initiated the kiss and whether it was the heat, the pressure or something Charlie's muddled thoughts couldn't comprehend, at least they could comprehend one thing. Jack was kissing him, Jack was kissing him. It was like a mantra, and Charlie was flying.
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