This fic is based on a dream I had..Major propz and credit goes to CuddlesRevenge, because I told her the idea, and we went with it. heart I also give mad propz to n00b c4k3, because without her edit of a Serj picture, where he looked like a fairy, this fic wouldn't exist...XD So, yeah. READ!
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Part 1~ In which stuff happens.
Serj watched Daron and Shavo play Twister quietly, holding the spinner to himself.
"Spin it, Serj," said Daron, who was arched over Shavo, and his arms were beginning to shake.
"Left foot on red," he said, bored.
Daron fell on Shavo, giving up.
"GET OFF ME!" wailed Shavo, flailing his arms.
"Oh, like you're in the position to be yelling at ME," Daron grumbled, crossing his arms.
"I said, get OFF!"
Shavo pushed Daron up hard, and he stumbled a bit. Serj sighed. Now they would fight.
And fight they did. Bringing in foreign objects like pool sticks, which Daron used to swing around wildly and chase Shavo around. Shavo hid behind Serj, and Daron, in pure blind fury, whacked Serj REALLY REALLY hard.
"Aw! ********!" Serj yelled, hand over his mouth.
Shavo stoner-laughed.
"Dude, I think you knocked a tooth out!"
"Are you shittin' me?!" Serj growled, pulling his hand back to find blood. He looked around on the carpet, and found his tooth.
"DAMMIT, DARON!"
John came into the room, and stared at the scene. Blood on the carpet, Serj holding a tooth, Shavo laughing his a** off, Daron holding a poolstick and looking confused.
"What the hell just happened?" asked John, a WTF expression on his face.
"Daron knocked Serj's tooth out because he was mad at me," Shavo said, breaking out into laughter again.
"Uhhh...I really don't get it, but, oh well.." John mumbled, walking off.
Serj wasn't sure of what to do now. Beat Daron to a bloody pulp, or beat Shavo and Daron to a bloody pulp? And then put what's left of them in a cup and give it to a rabid fangirl?
"OMG, PUT IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW FOR THE TOOTH KANGAROO!" Shavo yelled, all excitedly.
"Tooth FAIRY, Shavo." corrected Serj.
"You believe in the toothfairy?" Daron asked skeptically.
"Uhh..yeah," Serj said, walking to his room, to slip the tooth under the pillow.
Part 2~ -Gasp- OMG.
That night, Serj couldn't sleep at all. He was sort of trancy, seeing things people would see in dreams, and things in reality.
"Did Daron put something in my drink?" he asked himself, looking at the ceiling.
But then, a stranger feeling came to him, as the window was thrown open. A tiny figure floated in, dresses in pink, sparkly, bright floofy things. With a crown. And a wand. And wings.
He couldn't tell if it was a dream, and the past 4 hours didn't even exist, as far as he was concerned. He was too..trippy to remember.
But when the thing went to put it's hand underneath the pillow, Serj freaked.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" he yelled, his hands going around the thing's neck. "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!"
The thing squirmed in his hands, but fell limp after a moment. But of course, Serj didn't notice. He flailed around the room, knocking things over.
"WHAT THE CRAP, SERJ!" yelled Daron, kicking the door open. Shavo and John stood behind him.
"THIS THING WANTED TO STEAL MY PILLOW!" Serj yelled, pointing to the limp being in his hands.
"That's the toothfairy, dope," Shavo said simply, as if it were no big deal, poking her head.
"I STRANGLED THE TOOTHFAIRY?!"
"Yep,"
Part 3~ O_O
"There's a hospital for mythical figures," repeated Serj, with a WTF look on his face.
"Didn't the paramedic just say that?" Daron wondered aloud, staring at the toothfairy, who was put on a stretcher and into a small ambulance. With wings on it.
"Uhh..Yeah, I did," said the paramedic, taking out a small pouch. "Now, I'm gonna shrink you so you can fit in here."
"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!" screamed John, burying his head in his hands.
"Daron, did you spike his drink, too?"
"Yus."
The paramedic rolled her eyes and threw a handful of silvery glitter at the four of them. Now they were POCKET-SIZED!
"Into the ambulance you go," said she, ushering them in. It looked waaay bigger inside than it did outside. It had room for at least 3 more people.
System hopped in, and sat on the seat lining the wall. The toothfairy was unconscious, and Serj looked really sad.
Shavo poked Daron, then pointed at Serj, and they both giggled. Daron started to sing 'Lonely Day'.
"Oye! Don't be such a d**k," growled the paramedic, not taking her eyes off of the toothfairy.
Suddenly, a beep came from her earpiece, and she pressed a button on it.
"Huh? Oh. Wow. Umm..I'll tell him. OK."
She looked at Serj and gulped hard.
"Morgan Le fay herself wants to see you," she said.
"Uhhh...and she would beeeeeee?" Daron said, poking Shavo.
"Queen of The Fairies."
"O' snap!"
~Later, yo.~
"Lady Morgan will see you now," said the receptionist lady.
Serj got up, but she gently pushed the other 3 back down.
"Just Mr. Tankian, please,"
Daron made a face at her, as Serj walked in.
"Serj Tankian..Lead singer of the popular band System of A Down..Among other things," she murmured, looking him over.
"Yes..?"
"It wasn't a question," she said calmly, eyebrows raised as she looked papers over.
He looked down at the floor. Holy crap, what the frig is she gonna do?! Serj thought frantically to himself. I have no idea how the law works in um...This..place.
"Mr. Tankian, I've worked out your sentence," she said, slowly, as if to build up the tension and make Serj's heart beat faster than a crack addict's. "You, yourself, will take the place of the toothfairy,"
His eyes grew about 10 times their size.
"Oh, don't worry about wings. Take off your shirt."
Then they widened even more.
"I said off with the shirt, Mr. Tankian."
He whimpered, as the shirt came off.
"It's my THING." he whined, as she took a sparkly periwinkle colored marker and drew 2 vertical lines down his back. She drew a circle around the wings with her finger 3 times, and the wings sprouted.
"GAAAAAAAH! THEY'RE GIRLY!" he yelled, flapping the wings.
"Sorry, I meant to grab red," said Morgan Le Fay with a smirk, "You can make them go into your body though. That will be all."
He went out there, looking at the ground.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! YOU'RE A ******** FAIRY!!!! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAH!"
"Shudduuuuuuup," whined Serj, pushing the wings into his back.
The receptionist lady grinned, and handed him a paper.
"Work schedule. No pay, by the way...."
He moaned like a little kid.
They were at home, just like that, in a flash.
"You have a hard night ahead of you," said John.
"Thanks for the update, ******** class="postcontent-align-center" style="text-align: center">Part 4~ SOMEONE SEEZ. Shimi stared out of the window, at the moon. It was a few more moments before she snapped back to reality, the dark, empty living room, the computer screen. Well, the computer wasn't reality, but neither is dreamland.
She squinted hard, and heard footsteps. Jake stood there, in all of his brotherly..er..'glory' and rolled his eyes.
"Aren't you going to get OFF of that?" he asked, sitting on the couch.
"It's better than sitting infront of the TV all day, playing Halo," snapped Shimi, not taking her eyes off of the computer. "And plus, I'm talkin' to Keeeeeeeeelllsie,"
He immediatley stood up and hovered over his sister's shoulder, squinting at the screen. Shimi minimized the conversation.
"Oye! I saw 'marriage' in there!"
"Good for you,"
"Whatever," he said, walking back up the stairs, "I'm gonna go play Halo with Evan."
"No buttsecks!"
"OYE!"
Shimi laughed, then immediatley froze. What the hell WAS that?!
It was a figure in the dark, struggling with what looked like wings...And really curly hair.
"WTF?!"
She really wanted to see what it was..But it would see her and like..Fly away.
So, Shimi got binoculars! The stalkers' solution to every sight problem. The lighting was bad..Maybe..If she tunred the pole-light on, she could see better? She dove for the light, as if she were in WWI and being fired at. The light came on, and the figure froze, itself. Hair frizzing out. She brought the binoculars to her eyes, and freaked out.
"IS THAT EFFING SERJ?!"
He opened a window, and went inside.
"OM-effing-G! I have to tell Kelsie."
{Actual SN's not used. XD}
SHIMI_YO: OMG. I THINK SERJ IS THE TOOTHFAIRY.
XDKelsie: O.o;;
SHIMI_YO: I am 100% serious. I was looking out of the window, and I saw something flying and it was too big to be a bird. It's wings were all sparkly, and I wanted to see what it was, so I got my binoculars, turned the light on, and saw him freaking out.
XDKelsie: Sure..Maybe you should get some sleep? I mean, it is, like..4:00 in the morning...
SHIMI_YO: I'm not tired! I had 15 cans of pepsi. I DON'T NEED SLEEP FOR 2 DAYS.
XDKelsie: Sleep deprivation can do that to you...
SHIMI_YO: GAAAAAAAHH! I AM NOT SLEEP DEPRIVED!
XDKelsie: You stayed up for 1 day already! Not so much as a nap!
SHIMI_YO: How the hell do you know?
XDKelsie: Jake told me.
SHIMI_YO: He tells you everything. But seriously...You're coming over tomorrow. Along with Megan and Devon.
XDKelsie: Okay, I'll come. Just to see the look on your face when we all laugh at you.
SHIMI_YO: 'tis I who will laugh, love.
XDKelsie signed off at 4:37 A.M.Shimi shut down the computer, stood up and turned.
"Gaah! Abby?"
"WTF are you doing?"
"Playing ninja,"
"Oh..kay.."
Abby turned around and walked into the kitchen, Shimi following obediently.
"Whatcha maaaaaaaakin'?" asked Shimi, now suspicious of everything.
"A sammich....Why do you care?"
"Well, you're my favorite sister, I wanna check up on my favorite sister." Shimi said sweetly, pulling the peanut butter jar out of the cupboard.
"Whaddya want?" asked Abby sharply. She knew her older sister's games.
"Ehh..Can you..LEAVE-MEGAN-KELSIE-DEVON-AND-ME-ALONE?!" whined Shimi, in one breath.
"Hmmm...I dunnnooooo..." Abby said, acquiring that wolfish grin of hers, as she puts peanut butter on the bread.
"PLEAAAASE?!"
"Sure...But you owe me later on,"
Shimi instantly regretted it, but glomped Abby all the same.
"You're like a mob boss, you know that?"
"Yep,"
Part 4~ BUTTERFLY NET!!!
"OMG, I lost a tooth," Abby wailed, running around in circles.
"But you're 11..." Shimi said, secretly glad.
"I know, but I lost it! It's right here!"
"Oh. Put it under your pillow for the toothfairy." Shimi said, plotting in her mind.
"The toothfairy? You believe in the toothfairy? I don't know you any more. Here, have a tooth."
Shimi took the tooth, about to go 'spoldey in he mind.
This is AWESOME! thought Shimi, giggling.
The door was knocked on, and Shimi dove at it. There stood Kelsie, Megan and Devon, all stifling laughter.
"Stop laughing, I kid you not." growled Shimi. Her dad, JEFF, looked away, which let Shimi to know that there are too many girls in the house.
"Ehhh, let's go to my room."
Abby made a face at her dad, who rolled his eyes.
"I'M SERIOUS!! We can use Abby's tooth to lure Serj in here," Shimi said.
Devon rolled onto her back, laughing so hard.
"You must be on crack." Kelsie said, biting her lip.
"Fine, I'll shut you guys up,"
Shimi put 'Hypnotize' in the Playstation and turned the volume up high.
They didn't shut up, they just started singing, but that was better than claims of her abusing drugs.
~Later, yo~
Now they were sitting in the room, lacking Abby of course, all waiting for this supposed "Toothfairy" to come. Kelsie even brought BUTTERFLY nets.
The light was off. They were fake-sleeping on the floor, eyes cracked open at the pillow.
It was about 3:57 in the morning, and no sign of Serj.
"I don't think he--"
The window creaked. Their eyes widened.
Told ya so. thought Shimi, heart racing.
"Holy ********!" growled Serj, tumbling in. He was literally 2 inches away from them all. Megan shifted as if sleeping, to face Shimi under the crack of her arm.
"Why the hell do they have butterfly ne--HOLY s**t!"
They all pounced on him. They were all laughing uncontrollably.
"HE HAS WINGS! ******** SPARKLY a** WINGS!!" Shimi screamed, between laughter.
"How the hell did you know I was coming? Psycho-a** fangirls..." growled Serj.
"Yep." said Megan, over the laughter thing. But still gawking at the wings.
The door handle shifted. They pushed Serj under the bed, hard.
Jeff stood there, his hair all wild cowlicks.
"Can you guys keep it down? I have to wake up at 4 in the morning.."
"It is 4, dad,"
"Oh. Well, thank you, then." said Jeff, turning around and closing the door.
"We're gonna sleep now.." Shimi said slowly, grinning all fake-ly.
Serj rolled back out.
"That hurt my head, you know," he said, sitting up straight, and rubbing his head.
They all sat up.
"HUDDLE! And don't you even think about sneaking out." Megan said with a smirk.
"We can SO TOTALLY get 3 wishes off of him," concluded Devon, smiling happily.
"I so pwn you, Kelsie." Shimi giggled.
Kelsie grumbled.
"Alright. We'll let you go if..You give us 3 wishes," Megan chirped.
"Ugh, so cliche," Serj grumbled, "But I suppose so."
"I WISH THAT MYSPACE BLEW UP!!" Shimi yelled. Serj grinned and waved his wand. They heard a distant boom, and lots of "MOTHERFUUUUUUUUCK!"'s.
"Nice, Shimi, REEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL nice," Devon said, staring at Serj.
"Uhhh...I wish we had something to wish for..." Megan said slowly, not really thinking about what she said.
Serj laughed harder.
"OMG, I HAVE THE BEST THING EVER IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW." Megan yelled.
"What what what?!" evryone else, save for Serj, barked.
"I wish..That we could be your assistant fairies."
Part 5~ Sweet. We can fly.
Serj moaned, instantly regretting ever even sleeping that fateful night. He waved his wand through the air. Wings immediatly sprouted from the girls' backs. Sort of butterfly-ish, and all different colors.
Shimi's were a deep blue color, and the ends sort of curled up at the top, and down for the bottom.
Kelsie's were deep red, and looked a bit more demonic than the rest, for some odd reason. {Don't kill me, it's how I envisioned you..XD}
Megan's were purple and really shiny, reflecting light right into Shimi's eyes and burning her retinas, and pointy at the tops and bottoms.
{Don't kill meeeeee....>.>}
Devon's were green and they had a strange pattern on it, all curly and wavey-like, and the ends of the wings were sort of jagged-ish and zig-zaggy.
"WHOA. Lyk, OMG." Shimi gasped, flapping her wings into Serj's face.
"Ow. Don't do that..." he muttered, rubbing his eye.
"Sorry! Umm..This is this first time I've had wings, so..yeah."
"We can make them go away, right?" Devon asked Serj with wide eyes.
"Yeah, just sorta push em in,"
With their wings all gone, Serj decided to get up.
"We're going with you," Kelsie said, matter-o-factly.
"Yeah, let's just leave a note for my step mom. Oye, Penny, we all stepped out to go help the toothfairy. And, can you clean the kitty litter for me? Thanks. Somehow, I don't see that working," Shimi said, rolling her eyes.
"We don't have to tell her the truth..." Kelsie said, her eye gleaming.
"Oh, KELSIE! You lie? OMG, I so don't know you anymore." Devon said, laughing.
"Well, whatever you're gonna do, do it, we gotta go," Serj said, jiggling slightly.
Shimi wrote a note saying that they walked to Devon's house and stayed there, for some reason.
"Let's roll," said Megan, all seriously. Not knowing what her wish got them all into.
"What do assisstant fairies do, anyway?" asked Shimi, fumbling with her wings.
"Assistant stuff? I dunno," Serj said, looking over at them all. "And what are your names, anyway?"
"I'm Devon, That's Kelsie, that's Megan and she's Oli--"
"Shimi,"
"Touchy," Devon giggled, as Shimi forgot about what was happening right then and started to play Air Force in her head.
"Commies to my left! Choo ch-choo choo! Gaaah! Jester goin' down!" yelped Shimi, rolling to her right and shooting with a hand-gun at Serj.
"You really should meet Daron...Are you a stoner, by any chance?" he asked, looking at Shimi as she dove down to fight some Air Force guy.
"Nope," she said simply, firing at Megan.
"Alright, next stop, some kid's house," said Serj tilting dowwards.
"Sweet. Me and Kelsie got this one." Shimi said.
"No, we're a team, dammit," Megan said, still thinking.
"Bravo team go!" Shimi whispered, as they landed.
Serj put his finger to his mouth and went "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Yes, boss." Megan said, laughing. He made a weird face, and slid the window up. They all crept inside.
"You know, you'd think that the toothfairy had some sort of magickal method to get into a kid's room," Kelsie whispered to Devon, who clamped her hands over her mouth and tried not to laugh.
Serj quickly made the exchange, tooth-to-50 cents.
"Do I really need assistants for jobs like this?" he asked himself, as they all went back out.
"We provide comedy," Shimi said, taking off. Suddenly, Serj's head beeped.
"Shift's over,"
"What? We didn't get to do any fairy stuff!" Kelsie pouted, crossing her arms.
"Do you think that there's one toothfairy? It's a system of things."
The girls laughed.
"Grr..I mean, I have a shift, set in one area of the world, and the next toothfairy has another shift, in another area. Goes on like that for 24 hours." he explained.
"So..How did you become toothfairy anyway?" asked Devon, corkscrewing in the air.
"Daron hit me, knocked my tooth out, I put it under my pillow, forgot about it, strangled the toothfairy when she tried to take my tooth, Morgan Le Fay decided I should be the toothfairy. THE END." Serj said, throwing his arms up for emphasis. "And now, I go home."
"What do you mean, 'I'? We're going too," Kelsie decided, really wanting to meet Shavo. And the rest of them for that matter, but yeah.
"Yeah! We're your assistant fairies! We do..assistant..stuff." Megan said, pumping her arm into the air.
"Fine, whatever. You're going to get high just walking into the house, but since you REALLY wanna tag along..."
"YAY!"
~LATER, YO~
"Oye, what's with the minors?" asked Daron, eyeing them all.
"We're his assistant fairies!" cheered Shimi.
"Huh. How did that happen?" John wondered aloud.
"They caught me with butterfly nets. The crafty little..Hey! You never told me how you knew I was coming." Serj said, just catching up with the last 30 minutes.
"I saw you getting some other kid's tooth on my street. I was the person who turned the light on, and you freaked out." said Shimi, shuffling her feet. "So I told Kelsie here, and she was a..bit skeptical at first. So then she, Megan and Devon came over to my house, and we lured you with my sister's tooth."
"Ohhhh..."
"Why do you need assistants?" asked Shavo.
"To do assistant stuff," explained Serj.
Devon promptly tackled Shimi, who had lifted up Daron's guitar.
"I WANT IT!" she squealed, tugging on the end.
"Oye, don't touch that! It's uhh...It'll kill you! Yeah, that's it." Daron said, thinking about it.
"I just wanted to see it..." cried Shimi, starting to fake cry.
"NUUUUU! Do not cry, for it is my bane! I cannot stand to see the tears of..fairies!" Daron shouted.
"Holy crap, you really are clueless, aren't you?" Shimi said suddenly, stopping her 'crying'.
"Holy crap, you really are like a little kid aren't you?" Daron countered.
"Holy crap, you've never been in the presence of a little kid for more than 4 minutes," Shavo stoner-laughed.
"Holy crap, stop with the 'Holy crap's!" John growled.
"HOLY CRAP!" Megan yelled. She looked out of the window, and seeing the sun slightly up more, she freaked.
"What?" asked Devon, who was content to play with John's drums.
"We have school!" Megan shouted.
"O' snap!"
Part 6~ [Insert title here]
{Kelseh, it's going to be in 8th grade...XD But that's just because I don't know what the highschool is like.}
They were all late to their first classes. But they met System, so it was okay.
Megan and Shimi sat in English, bored.
"Why are all of our other friends on the other team? And one in 9th grade?" Shimi grumbled.
"'Cause our school sucks." Megan answered, head down on the table.
"True 'dat," muttered Shimi. Megan laughed.
"But we're fancy System-helping people." whispered Megan.
"Alright, it seems like you kids don't know what an antecedent even IS...So, let's go over it again."
Part 7~ Let's follow DARON, shall we?
Daron rolled over and gave a loud moan. Gawd, what a headache! Wait...why was he on Serj's couch? And why was there a flower in his hair? And why was there strange make-up on him?!
"Hey, Daron," said Shavo, coming in and trying to stifle laughter, "Would you tell anyone if you woke up with a condom in your a**?"
He went wide-eyed.
"NOT AGAIN!!" he wailed.
"Dude, dude, it wasn't me this time..Actually, you probably don't have one up thar."
Daron sighed. "It was like that one time when you sold me to that fat Asian chick who sold me to all her buddies and had to keep me high on LSD, and--"
"Don't bring that up, Serj and John sold ME too." said Shavo, shaking his head. "But anyway, go wash your face off. Take a shower,"
Daron nodded, and walked off.
"Please don't be there, please don't be there....GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! CONDOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!"
Daron came running out, buck-a** nekkid, and started beating Shavo with a pool stick.
"OW! OW! OW! IT WASN'T ME! OW! OW! OW! PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON! OW! OW! OW! I SWEAR ON MY BASS! OW! OW! OW! STOP IT!!"
"DON'T EVER-RAPE-ME-AGAIN-YOU-SON-OF-A-WH--wait, what? You swear on your bass?"
"Yeah, we were all a bit drunk..er..a few hours ago, and you crashed on the sofa. So we all went to sleep, and you went into another room. We slept for, like..20 minutes, because we heard a lot of screaming coming from the room you were sleeping in."
Daron thought hard for what seemed like forever, and his eyes went wider.
"Dude I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!"
FLASHBACK~
Time~ 8:37 A.M."Well that was weird," Daron concluded as the girls ran out, sprouted wings and flew off.
"Yeah..." Shavo said slowly, creeping away.
"Hey! Where you goin'?!" Daron barked, running after him.
"NUUUUUUUUUU!! MY BOOZE!" Shavo whined, attacking some booze.
"GIMME!" Daron yelled.
Time~ 10:06 A.M."Dude. Dude..Dude..I..Are you lissenin t' me? Uhh..Dude, I ******** you, man.." Shavo stuttered, pointing to a lamp.
Daron laughed all shrilly-like, then looked up at Serj and John, who were looking at them all stern-like.
"Oops...Sorry, daddy," Daron laughed, rolling onto his back.
"You didn't tell us you had BOOZE!" growled Serj, picking up a bottle and promptly drinking.
Time~ 1:17 P.M."CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG! AAAAAAAAAAH, you p***y." laughed Shavo. John almost threw up on him. Serj was looking for more booze in his piano because Daron said some was in there.
"Dude..Where did our day go?" asked Daron, staring at the cieling.
"In the piano. I'll find your lost time after I get the...OW! MY a**!" Serj yelled, falling on his head.
"I'm..tired. I'll go to the sleep now.." Daron mumbled, stumbling as he made his way into the bathroom. He dropped onto the floor, and passed out.
"I'm tired too..I'll go sleep on your bed," said Shavo, making his way upstairs. John followed, cradling a beer bottle like it was his baby. He might have even been talking to it.
Serj waited untill he was sure they were sleeping, and he crept into the bathroom where Daron was.
PAYBACK, ******** lowered himself down onto his knees and studied Daron carefully.
"What to do, what to do, what to doooo-hiccup-"
The lightbulb above Serj's head exploded, and he opened Daron's mouth.
"Ecch. I smell the booze."
Serj took something out of his pocket and opened it. He took out a paper tab and stuck it on Daron's tongue.
Time: 2:10 P.M.Daron woke up and shifted onto his back. He sat up slowly and put a hand on his head. Holy ********, the headache was worse..He started to hallucinate. Feel things, see things, hear things. Daron shook his head.
"I..I'm goin'..goin' crazy.." he murmured, closing his eyes. But they didn't go away. He whimpered and rolled onto his back, head in his hand. Then Wait and Bleed started to play in his head, but it sounded like it was being played through water.
"What the hell?" he moaned{-Fangirlishgiggle-}. He closed his eyes again, but someone else appeared..
~BACK TO, YO.~
"It was that pink-haired b*****d!" yelled Daron.
"Do you know a pink-haired b*****d?" Shavo asked, still not sure of what happened.
"No. BUT HE RAPED ME!" Daron growled. "Now who would have pink hair?"
"A gay guy?"
"No, dammit! He was, like..magickal.."
"I'm starting to think that you were willing.."
"SHUDDUP AND HELP ME THINK!"
"Hmmmm...Magickal. Pink hair...Magickal. Pink hair..Hm."
"I HAVE AN IDEA."
~20 minutes later~
The room was thick with pot smoke, and the two were totally, like, trippin' man.
"What did..did that accomplish?" Shavo asked, waving his hands infront of his face.
"I really don't know." Daron answered. "So..Umm..Maybe we should ask Serj or John?"
"YEAH!"
So they walked in merrily, John and Serj doing nothing important.
"Hey, do we know a pink-haired b*****d?" asked Shavo.
"No," said John bluntly.
"Oh..Umm..Now what?" said Daron, plopping down on a couch.
"We think of people that might have pink hair?" suggested Shavo.
"Uhh..."
"Hmmm...Pink is girly, girls like love and..stuff."
"LOVE! Pssshaw." Daron muttered.
"Love. L-O-V...VALENTINES DAY! OMG IT WAS --"
{Cliffeh! ;B}
~Diff. POV, yo.~
I watched all of this in silence, internally screaming at the 2 stoners.
But now I couldn't do what I was supposed to do, that Serj messed everything up. By letting the other 3 see the toothfairy, they could see other mythical figures. I totally screwed at this point. How was I supposed to complete this job if he could tell who I was? I was gonna have to sneak around and do this. 1/2 of the job had been done a long time ago, but this would prove to be hard.
I thought quickly of a plan, and waited untill they, or at least Shavo, Daron and John were asleep.
Creeping in, I readied my weapon and pointed it at Daron. His eyes snapped open.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! PINK-HAIRED b*****d!" he screamed, wailing on me. I couldn't do it now! My weapon dropped as he kicked the s**t out of me. I couldn't retaliate..
~Diff. POV, yo~
Daron stepped back, glaring at Cupid.
"I won't be raped by you ANYMORE!"
But Cupid was knocked out cold.
Serj walked in, rubbing his eyes.
"Uhh..There's a naked bloody guy in your room, you're panting, I don't wanna know what happened," he said, turning around.
Megan, Shimi, Devon and Kelsie peeked in.
"YOU'RE GAY?!" Megan shouted in agony.
"NO! HE TRIED TO RAPE ME AGAIN!"
"YOU GOT RAPED?!"
"Yes."
Daron sighed, and told them all the story.
But next thing he knew, he was sitting in Morgan Le Fay's office.
"What is with System Of A Down and abusing mythical figures?" she asked aloud, a hint of pure anger in her voice.
"He-He was gonna rape me again," said Daron quietly, looking down at the floor. Now mind you, he hasn't had enough weed for today.
"He didn't rape you," said Morgan simply, "Serj gave you LSD and you hallucinated. What you did do, however, is kick the s**t out of Cupid. So, same sentence as Mr. Tankian. You're Cupid...And remember, you have to wax."
He was freaking out, as she gave him little angel wings, but not about that, about what Serj did. And the fact that he'd have to wax.
"YOU ******** a*****e!" he yelled, storming out of the room, pointing at Serj.
"What did I do?" Serj asked, recoiling a bit.
"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU GAVE ME LSD! AND I HALLUCINATED AND THAT LED ME TO BECOME CUPID!"
"OH, YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I DIDN'T BEAT YOUR a** WHEN YOU KNOCKED MY TOOTH OUT! AND YOU TOO, SHAVO!"
Kelsie, Devon, Megan and Shimi were watching intently. Shavo was laughing and fearing the wrath of the toothfairy at the same time.
"How about you both shut up? I mean, 1.) It was all out of drunken stupidity and 2.) It was out of hallucination. So you can all shut the ******** up and do your job," said John simply.
"WHOA. Did that just come outta John? Like..Our John?" Shavo said, over his laughing fits.
"I really oughta--"
"ALRIGHT, I think we need to solve this somehow." Kelsie concluded. Devon jabbed her in her ribs.
"Can't get nothin' by you," she giggled, which earned her a smack.
"How about what we did when we were little kids? Play videogames. The vent to our aggression!" Shimi suggested happily.
"Is that healthy?" Serj asked.
""Shuddup, We're gonna play Pokemon Stadium."
Part 8~ VENT THE AGGRESSION! >:0
"I'm on Serj's team," said Shimi, grabbing a red controller.
"I'm on Daron's team!" Megan cheered, grabbing her own controller, which was gray. Daron glared at Serj.
"If I can kick your a** in real life I can kick your a** with these little creature things that are forced into..BALLS!"
Abby came out of the kitchen and stared at them all.
"Shimi, what are 4 full grown men doing in our house? And..Umm..System, to be exact?"
"We're venting aggression. Shut up." grumbled Daron. He picked his pokemon.
Abby sat on the couch and proceeded to stare at John, the one she thought was ub3r h0++.
"Shimi, your sister is scaring me," he whispered to Shimi.
"Just smack her a few times," Shimi answered, engrossed in the videogame. John sighed. Shavo sat on the couch next to Abby and promptly wrapped his arm over her shoulder.
"Hey, Abby...Why don't you go do something else? It could get violent,"
Abby made a face, and stood up to leave.
"EAT MY FIRE, YA b***h!" yelled Daron, as his charizard flamed Shimi's Pikachu.
'You smack-talkin' whore!" growled Shimi. The two proceeded to talk smack to each other, throughout the entire match, which Daron and Megan won.
"Holy s**t, you were right..I LOVE YOU, MAN!" howled Serj.
"I LOVE YOU TOO, MAN!" yelled Daron. Shavo and John shook their heads. Abby came back out, staring at them all as if they had just strangled their cat and drank her blood.
"Shut. The. F--"
"'Eyy! It's Abby! Join the party!" interrupted Shavo, throwing his hands in the air. Abby grumbled, then sat on the floor near her sister.
"It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Can't you go sleep or something?" Abby asked, trying to be polite.
"We're very angry people," said Shavo, who was sitting next to Kelsie, as they were on a team. "So we're venting our aggression,"
"Whatever.."
"No no, not kadabra, they suck!" Devon whispered to John. John grumbled at her, and picked another one. Soon, his full team was flareon, vaporeon, jolteon, eevee, and 2 ones not worth mentioning.
"No, NUUUUUU! ******** YOU, LORELEI!" yelled Daron, flipping the TV off, as the elite four chick beat him.
It was like, noon o'clock, and the parentals had left for something for the whole weekend. Jake was sleeping or avoiding the band downstairs that was freaking out.
"Oh, holy s**t. We've been here for like..17 million hours. I have a job to do," grumbled Daron, standing up and walking into Shimi's dining room, coming out a bit later with a joint in his mouth. "'Kay..Says I have to be naked....And waxed. I am not doing it."
Serj looked at him.
"What if..I get Megan to do it?" he said slowly, looking at her. Her eyes went wide.
"Hells yes," said Daron.
So they sat out there, with Shavo and Shimi pressing their ears against the bathroom door.
"Drop the pants, Daron."
"Heh. Anything for you, sugar."
"Fuzzy pink leopard thong, too."
"You really wanna do this don't you?"
"No comment."
.....-Rip-
"AAAAAAAHHH! HOLY FUUUUCK!"
"It isn't that bad.."
"YES IT IS! YOU RIP HOT-a** WAX COVERED PAPER OFF MY c**k!"
Then they heard laughter from Megan.
Part 9~ A day in the life o' Cupid. ;D
Daron grumbled, fitting the red heart-arrow to the bowstring and firing it off at some lady with a fat a**. He missed, however, getting her chihuahua.
"O' snap!" he said, as the dog started doing things to the lady's leg. "WhatdoIshootWhatdoIshootWhatdoIshoot?!"
He fired off at a squirrel, so the dog would fall for it instead of the lady's leg. And they started to mate.
"Dammit..That is SO wrong....oh well," said he, readying his bow again. This time, he made a guy and a park bench fall in love.
"Haha, take THAT, American society! Damn it's cold out.." said Daron, looking down.
The guy started to make out with the bench feverishly. Daron looked at his list. And remember kids, Cupid can also BREAK relationships. So he fit a black heart arrow to his bow and sped off.
"Nooo!" howled the girl. "NO NO NO NO NO!"
"Yeess!" said Daron, even though she couldn't hear him. "YES YES YES YES YES!"
Her boyfriend stood dumbfounded, as this girl went through his stuff, seeing things a girlfriend wouldn't want to see.
Daron fired the arrow at the ground and in a burst of purple-black light that only he could see..>.>;; she screamed, "WE'RE THROUGH!"
"Nuu! Baby, come back! It..It wasn't what it looked like!"
"Pictures of you and a naked girl? Ho'yeah, it was," said ******** off!" screamed the girl. Daron cracked up.
"Oh, that is PRICELESS," he said, wiping his eyes and fluttering out of the window. He looked at his list again.
Some matches he kept the same, others he changed as he saw fit. Like, making 2 'hawt' chicks fall madly in love. He started to stonergiggle to himself. He saw Megan, Devon, Kelsie and Shimi walking along. So he decided to drop in!
"Gaah! Daron!" shreiked Kelsie, averting her eyes from his hawt nekkieness.
Shimi, Devon and Megan, however, were completely happy with it.
"Gaah! Kelsie!" mocked Daron in a high falsetto. "Well..Anyway, just dropping by to see how my 4 favorite minors are doing,"
They all grinned.
"I don't trust that guy," mumbled Brittany, as he started his big fancy electricity guy's truck, "And our power was fine before..That was random,"
"Well it's okay now!" giggled her little sister. "And we gotta go to bed, 'cause the toothfairy is coming for my lost tooth tonight,"
"The toothfairy doesn't exist,"
"Yes she does!"
"NO it doesn't!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"Y--"
She fell over onto her bed, immediatley asleep.
"Huh...That's weird.." Brittany mused.
She found herself in a light sleep..yet, then again, the sounds of stumbling and growly voices would wake anyone up.
"OWWW!! ********! OFF THE c**k, SHIMI!"
"Sorry! SOORRRRRYYY!"
"Shuddup! You're gonna wake them up!"
"Too late.."
"OHMYGODISTHATSERJFROMSOAD?!" screamed Brittany.
Shimi and Serj were still tangled, but managed to untangle quite quickly. He looked away with a grumble.
"Yes." Shimi said, jabbing him in the ribs. "Say hi, Mister Pister,"
"Hi. We'll be taking your sister's tooth now." said Serj. He made the exchange, and then readied to leave.
"Nuuuu! That's not fair! I see the lead singer of one of the best bands EVER, and he only stays for 3 minutes?! Nuh-uh, I'm comin' with you," Brittany decided.
"Thanks, but, no. I have enough minors to tend to," said Serj.
"C'MOOOOOOOOON, Serrrrrrrrrrj! She's just a fan." Shimi pleaded.
"You guys are 'just fans' too, and you effing got me with butterfly nets!" retorted Serj.
"Well what would YOU do if the hawtest guy ever stumbled into your room?!" Devon growled.
"I'd say 'What the ******** are you doing in my room, get the hell out.'"
"Oh..right..you're straight..Umm..PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE?"
The other girls joined in the chorus of 'PLEAAAAAASE'.
"Gaah, whatever. But I'm not carrying you," said Serj, flying out. Kelsie and Shimi lifted up Brittany by her arms and sped out.
She stared up at Serj's house, eyes wide. Of course, Shavo, Daron and John were there, probably having a party, or something.
"Wait..stay out here for a minute...I hear things," said Serj, shaking his head, walking inside. He started to scream. How weird. Serj screaming. But you don't know how bad the house is.
"WHAT THE ******** IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!?!? I'M GONE FOR A FEW HOURS AND THIS HAPPENS?!?!"
"But, it wasn't--"
"YOU SHUT UP! AND HELP CLEAN THIS UP, OR--"
"You'll sprinkle us with fairy dust?"
They heard more screaming.
"Serj needs cookies," decided Shimi calmly.
"Cookies?! IS THAT SLANG FOR BLOW--" yelled Devon.
"No, you spazz! COOKIES. You know, the snack item that everyone loves." said Shimi.
"Yes. Yes he does need cookies," said Megan, matter-o-factly.
"Alright. Let's make cookies for the angry, scary, SECKSY Serj!" Devon cheered, throwing her hands into the air, and running inside. She promptly screamed.
"HOLY s**t!!!!!"
The other girls ran in, and gasped.
EVERYTHING was broken, and had spraypaint all over it. And in all colors of the rainbow, too. It was all spread over the ground.
"How the HELL did this happen?" asked Kelsie.
Shavo looked away fom her, looking like a spolied little kid who had to sit in the naughty chair.
FLASHBACK!Daron, Shavo and John were walking along their merry path, through the forest of enlightenment..
Eh, nevermind, they're downtown trying to score some cheap pot.
"Hey," said a shady looking guy from an alley.
"Hi!" Daron said brightly.
"You want a hooker?"
"DO I look like I need one? I'm effing Cup--"
John slapped a hand over his mouth to silence him.
"No, we don't want any expensive diseases. Thanks,"
"Hey, my whores are disease-free!"
"Yeah, about as disease free as a doorknob," mumbled Shavo. John shot him a weird look.
"They're probably 15 year old cheerleaders who show your clients the love their daddy never gave them," said Daron. Damn. Why does he know everything?
gonk The guy started to fume, as our heroes walked away nonchalantly.
A whore came from the depths of the alley and said,
"No wun talks 'bout us 'n' you dat way,"
"Shuddup, b***h!" he yelled. "But you're right..Let's get our revenge.."
"OMFG, Peter WENTZ!!!" yelled Daron in a pot-induced stupor.
"Uhhh...No. A random emo kid," said John dully.
"Oh." he said, looking dissapointed.
They walked along merrily agaon, except for John. Who didn't even know why he came along. And from Serj's house, smoke was streaming from the windows.
"WHAT THE ********!!!" screamed Daron and Shavo in unision. They took off for it at a run. Well, 2 of the three stumbling and giggling like mad. See what pot does to you?
John kicked the door open to see that guy and a few ho's vandalizing. The guy grinned.
"'At's what you get!"
"What the hell, man! All we did was turn you DOWN! And then you vandalize a house belonging to a guy who took NO part in this!!"
"....."
And then they ran out.
"Oh, ********, we have to clean this --"
"WHAT THE ******** IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!?!? I'M GONE FOR A FEW HOURS AND THIS HAPPENS?!?!"
END FLASHBACK
"Oh."
Serj looked surprised.
"And we're not shittin' you," grumbled Daron.
"What the hell."
"Well, then.." Shimi said loudly to break the now growing silence, pulling her friends by their shirts into the kitchen.
"We need to make them cookies." she decided.
"Oh, GAWD, would you get OFF of the cookies thing?" Kelsie grumbled.
Shimi arched her eyebrow.
"I promise you, that if I make Mom's Patented Chocolate Chip Cookies, they and YOU will all be in a better mood."
"You're on."
~20 Minutes later~
"It's amazing how that Barney song can make everything go faster," Megan mused, admiring the broomy-work on the floor. The kitchen was good enough to cook in! Yay.
"DAMMIT, SHAVO!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, DARON!"
"YOU SHUT UP!"
Megan peeked through the door, seeing Shavo hop around with an arrow stuck in his foot. Daron looked amused.
"OWW. OWW. OW--...MEEEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN.."
He looked at her with heart-like eyes, and then started coming after her. She blinked, as Daron started to fume.
"I need to find an outlet for Shavo's erm..love.." he said as Shavo practically forced himself on Megan.
"I would like this under different circumstances.." she said, pushing him onto Kelsie, who shrieked and forced him away.
Daron nodded, and flew out with an arrow to his bowstring. He flew high over the place, found a girl--it was late at night, mind you-- and fired.
"Ow.." murmured Caitlin, rubbing her upper arm. She suddenly realized where she was and let out a whine, laying down on the bench. The only sounds of the night were hobos and some really annoying repetitive sound. It was kind of rustly, and sounded on a regular beat. It was several moments before she threw a rock in the general direction of the rustly sound, a loud, satisfying 'KLONK' issuing from whatever she hit. Caitlin smirked.
"AH! ********!"
Cailtin's eyes grew wide. She just hit a person. Who sounded vaguely ******** ******** ********! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HIT ME WITH A ROCK?!? AND ON MY HEAD?!?!?!"
"DARON?!"
She narrowed her eyes at the figure sitting on the ground, who was rocking side to side, saying something about 'little ******** kids these days'.
"Daron
MALAKIAN."
"What?!"
"Homigawdz."
Part 10~ Homigawdz, Shavo!!
"Are..you on crack?" Caitlin asked Daron in pure disbelief. She smacked herself on the forehead; she already knew the answer to that.
Daron shifted.
"I'm not lying." he said a tad calmer. He snapped his fingers, and then a pair of large pink angelic wings erupted from his back. He gave her a crooked smile, and at her shriek, a rather loud stoner laugh. Serj came out, arms crossed.
"Sorry I broke curfew," said Daron solemnly. Then at the raised eyebrow Serj replied with, he laughed again.
"Is this.."
"Yeap!"
"She's most likely a minor. Not a wise choice."
Caitlin nodded, although she was confused.
"..." Daron stared at his feet, then snapped his fingers again. "No one will find out?"
Serj sighed and turned.
-
Shavo was sitting on the couch, knees to his chest so that only his wide eyes were visible. He saw Caitlin and immediatly hid his eyes by looking down.
"Your c**k can't be that exciting," said John with a slight edge to his voice, jerking his feet so they sat regularly on the couch. Daron pushed Caitlin onto Shavo.
"Enjoy." he said dully, plopping on the carpet.
She quickly rolled off of Shavo, blushing.
"Oh, come ON." Daron grumbled, "I'm Cupid, God Of Love, I made you two love each other so just.."
His voice trailed off.
Megan peeked through the door again and squealed.
"OMG! CAITLIN!"
Megan tackled her, and pretty soon, a stream of girls flew at Caitlin.
"AREYOUGOINGOUTWITHSHAVOOMGYOU'REHERE!!!"
Part 11~ Charades {{THis is a tad crackish..BEWARE..}}
"Uhh..No, and yes?" Caitlin said.
Shavo looked down at his feet again.
"YOUMADEHIMFEELBAD." the girls shouted in unision.
Shavo nodded.
"How did I make him feel bad?" Caitlin asked.
"QUOTE US, 'AREYOUGOINGOUTWITHSHAVOOMGYOU'REHERE!!!' QUOTE CAITLIN, 'Uhh..No..'"
Shavo nodded again.
"Ohhh..Why do you want to go out with me?"
Shavo pointed at Daron.
"Daron..made you two fall in love." Megan said.
"Right..." said Caitlin.
Daron pushed Caitlin onto Shavo again.
"Just give it up, you two want each other,"
Kelsie threw a cookie at Daron's head.
"Stop being a d**k."
"Get outta my house, KELSIE."
"This isn't your HOUSE, DARON."
"How 'bout you all shut up?"
Part 72~ SNOW DAY. ;D
"Wow. It's late." Shimi murmured, squinting at the clock. Somehow, Serj's blankets and pillows had ended up in the living room, where they were now laying lazily. Shavo had fallen asleep next to Caitlin first, and then they drew a large monacle around his left eye and a large curly mustache. Serj was half asleep on the couch, next to Devon, and John had taken to the floor in a big mass of blankets. Brittany was sleeping close to him and was covered in 3 pillows 'cause John hogged them all. Daron went into the bathroom 30 minutes ago and probably passed out from all the weed, and Megan was also half asleep watching Invader Zim. Kelsie fell asleep in a chair.
Shimi crept over Brittany and the mass of blankets known as John, then opened the curtains infront of the window. She took a step back, because the white was so startling to her eyes which were now used to the dark after spending several hours in it. A yell came from the bathroom, "WTF?!?!? I PASSED OUT?!?"
She stifled a laugh, then walked over to the door and opened it. The snow was really high and packed in.
"HAH. ********' SNOW DAY." Shimi laughed, closing the door, falling onto John's mass of blankets and rolling off. Megan's eyes snapped open, "Huh? Wuzza'bout a snow day?"
"The snow's lyk, waist deep."
Megan, Caitlin, Devon, and Brittany all held their fists up in the air and fell back asleep.
Shimi stole one of John's blankets, rolled over and fell asleep herself.
-
"Power outage. Looooooovely." murmured Devon, tossing the useless Nintendo controller aside.
"OMG, do you guys wanna see an interpretive dance?!" Shimi shouted, standing up suddenly. Everyone mumbled something.
"Yes? Okay."
Shimi put her hands up, eyes closed.
"DO YOU FEEL..LIKE A MAN!!" she shouted, putting her arms in a body builder pose. "WHEN YOU PUSH.." she made a pushing motion, "HER AROUND?" she twirled like a ballerina, "DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW, AS SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND?" and she fell dramatically to the floor.
Serj clapped. John looked dumbfounded, and Daron was already on his feet.
"Teach me that."
-
So once Caitlin and Shavo woke up, Daron had the interpretive dance to 'Face Down' by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus down pat.
"What the hell?"
"WHEN YOU PUSH..HER AROUND?"
Shimi and Daron were in unision.
Shavo watched them then fall to the ground, the backs of their hands to their foreheads.
"WOW."
-
So, time passed, which was filled with playing video games and eating. Daron shifted uneasily on the couch. Then again, and again. Shavo glanced at him, and made intricate handsigns. Daron nodded, and they both crept upstairs. Serj shook his head and sighed.
"What did they go do?"
"They're gonna smoke pot."
"Oh."
-
Daron stumbled out of Serj's bedroom, laughing and couching at the same time. He quickly collapsed on the ground in a fit of laughter. Shavo tried to walk out straight, but also fell, and started to laugh. Extremely thick smoke poured out.
"I don't think... I ever poked that much smot.. I mean--"
The 2 stoners started to laugh harder.
Daron, being cupid, and therefore not human, had smoked way much more pot than was humanly possible, and took Shavo along for the ride. But, with that much pot smoke permeating the house, the others weren't safe from the stony terror.
"Is.. is this fog?" asked Shimi, walking around stupidly, whie waving her hands.
"I dunno.. But it makes me giggle," said Devon, who was sprawled out on the floor.
Megan snorted in agreement, as Caitlin examined her hands, "They're getting bigger," she said, convinced, as she brought them closer to her face.
Brittany was attempting to braid John's hair, despite the fact that it was short.
And then Daron, with Shavo, hobbled down stairs to see everyone else high.
"Oh, ******** WANTS TO SEE A POLEDANCE?" screamed Shimi, holding a broom above her head.
"Maybe it isn't SO bad.. -Gigglesnort-"
TO BE CONTINUED...
