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 Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 3:32 pm
I love you. its easy to say when nobody is around to ask me why? i dont know why, your not anything like my ideal love not even close. But deep down my heart longs to be with you. You pretend not to like me but i can see it in your sheilded eyes you love me. Even though you cannot speak love dosent need to be expressed through words alone. Your Actions. Your Words. Your Silence. That is your disability. mine is i no longer speak to you nor do i consider you my friend. but just a classmate. i am now the silen one. As you reach out to me i move away as if you ave a disease. I feel so alone now with out your silent words and loud actions. If only i could turn back the hands of time and fix your broken heart. Our love as strange as it may seem is Defective just like your brain,and alike my heart.
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 8:53 pm
Not bad not at all but at the end I'd change the "just like" or maybe just rewording the last line all together. The ending is the most important and should be the most powerful part of any writing. There is no room for weak words there.
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:43 pm
It was pretty good,but it didn't catch too much attention wise... It had a good word flow
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