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GimpyTheGreat Vice Captain
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 Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 9:52 pm
just as the title say, everything from dead babies to blonde jokes, so have fun and dont complain about offensive ones unless they arent funny.
ill get it started
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'magic`.
Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!
"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that tubby bald men were cute! "Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...
So I told her to ******** off.
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 9:57 pm
A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house yelling to his wife "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery! All 10 million of it...BELEIVE IT!"
"That's fantastic sweetie!"she replies "Do I pack for the beach or mountains?"
"Who cares" he replies "Just get the ******** out!"
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GimpyTheGreat Vice Captain
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GimpyTheGreat Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 10:05 pm
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course" he said.
The first man then asks "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland" replies the second man.
The first man responds "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course" replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin" he replied.
"I can't believe it" says the first man "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course" replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's" replies the second man "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62 too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much" replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:24 am
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--The Trusty Sidekick-- Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:48 am
hmm i say your mom at all the right times. lolx.
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 9:40 am
This one is kind of goofy:
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
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--The Trusty Sidekick-- Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 12:56 pm
PriceofSanity This one is kind of goofy: A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
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Posted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 2:53 pm
--The Trusty Sidekick-- PriceofSanity This one is kind of goofy: A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box." LoL...yeah, I thought it was pretty funny rofl
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Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2006 5:18 pm
GimpyTheGreat A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house yelling to his wife "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery! All 10 million of it...BELEIVE IT!" "That's fantastic sweetie!"she replies "Do I pack for the beach or mountains?" "Who cares" he replies "Just get the ******** out!" omg thats so mean! but so funny at the same time... I'd probably do the same thing. twisted ninja and is that a naruto dubb joke i see? surprised
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 12:33 am
Alarnia GimpyTheGreat A man rushes home, bursting through the front door of his house yelling to his wife "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery! All 10 million of it...BELEIVE IT!" "That's fantastic sweetie!"she replies "Do I pack for the beach or mountains?" "Who cares" he replies "Just get the ******** out!" omg thats so mean! but so funny at the same time... I'd probably do the same thing. twisted ninja and is that a naruto dubb joke i see? surprised everything seems to make more sense and is more funny when a belive it is through in somewhere
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GimpyTheGreat Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:28 am
As I was retrieving a shopping cart in Wal Mart yesterday, a articularly unkempt, unattractive and mean spirited woman who actually reeked of body odor pushed me aside.
Shoving past me, the woman snarled at her kids, almost knocking another older lady down, grabbed the first cart and swung it around, hitting an older man working there as a Wal Mart greeter.
A she pulled the cart away from the Greeter's stomach, in a kind and friendly voice the Greeter said, while gesturing toward the two children, "Are they twins?"
Glaring at him she snapped back saying, "No you old fool, the brat's 9 and the little witch is 7, are you so blind you think they look alike?"
"No," calmly replied the Greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. "
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:30 am
Far far away lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts, but
Nick the Dragon slayer knew the penalty for this desire would be death should he try and touch them. One day he revealed his secret desire to
his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief
doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to
arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and
poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon
being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that
only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the
antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the
next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous
and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left
satisfied and touted as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio
the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer
couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.
The King immediately summoned
Nick the Dragon Slayer...
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:31 am
I, the Straight Man's p***s, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.
Response:
Dear p***s,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will slow down before you are 65.
9. You find it difficult to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And, if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, The Management
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