Welcome to Gaia! ::

This is the prologue that I have so far:



Almost sixteen years before now, the clouds clattered with the roaring noise of a thunderclap. Dark, bellowing billows screened the sun’s warm glow up in the sky transmuting the town of Eldwood into an eerie darkness. The large puffs of smoke-like haze tumbled closer and closer to the dumbfounded city. Their evil eyes lit up with flashes, subliminally telling the townspeople to find shelter as rapidly as possible. And so they obeyed: flooding into their homes, locking their doors, eclipsing the ominous, brewing storm that waited outside with shutters and curtains against their windows.
The breeze sped up, tossing leaves and garbage along the barren streets into an eddy of chilly, autumn wind. Stray animals, cats and dogs, could feel the malevolence rampage their fur, and they, too, canvassed the neighborhoods for refuge. And soon, nothing was left of the city but dark homes and businesses with signs that read “closed” on their doors. The dim streetlights brightened up the murky, paved roads as night was forced upon this town with the black, ashy clouds. Yet as the sound of thunder rippled through the metropolis, and the beams of lightening glinted on the damp roads, one by one, the streetlights fell dark and dead.
Rain began to pour down in heavy sheets of whitish haze, and with it came a chariot with four black horses and a black carriage. They soared through the sky like a dark Santa Claus. The horses landed upon a street called “Mint Hill Avenue” as quietly as drop of water. Slowly, they trampled gracefully upon the dark, crimson bricks of the street until they stopped at a home with the name “Stone” engraved on a sign in the green, flush lawn. A figure dressed in a black cloak floated over towards the cherry-colored front door, and from his white, boney hands appeared a sleeping baby girl in a velvet dress the color of blood and wine. She stirred and opened her large, gray eyes that shimmered and twinkled like moonstones into the shadow of the figure’s veiled face.
A gust of cold wind clattered and tangled in girl’s short, raven-black hair as a sad emotion dazzled on her face. The dark figure sat the infant on the doorstep and knocked three, slow time on the front door before vanishing in the rain along with his mysterious horses and chariot. The girl reached out a small, ashen hand to her father, as he vaporized, and whimpered. The front door opened, gathering the baby’s attention and her glowing orbs. A tall woman in a pink robe stood at the other end of the door. Her flaxen hair was tied into bumpy, messy ponytail, and a surprised expression on her tan face.
“Robert! Get over her quick!” She yelled back into the cozy, warm house. The woman turned back around and picked up the baby girl noticing a small note pinned to her collar.

“A WOMAN SHE IS
A REAPER SHE’S NOT
TAKE FHAIN INTO YOUR KIN
AND LET HER LIFE BEGIN.”

This sounds like a very interesting story idea, but I have a few quechons.

1. Why does the grim reaper need a male child?
2. Since Fhain was created in part form the grim reapers blood, why wouldn’t she be a reaper? If so why not?
3. 1. Is some one trying to put an end to all of the deaths in the world? 2. Does some one want to have control over who lives and who dies 3.? Or what happens to people after they die. Or just 2 and 3?
4. Also would she try to become a reaper to make her ‘father’ proud of her? Or would she become angry and resentful?
5. things die around her so she obviously wealds some power over death, would she be able to learn to destroy life on a grand scail? If so would she be able to control this ability or will she end up destroying herself or becoming to dangerous for the world that her ‘father’ left her in?

something to consider.
1. Have you see Disney’s Hercules? In the movie a “god” is rased by mortals and he thinks that he is human as well, but after a while the truth is reviled to him. the Rest to the story, with the exception of the very end, is spent of Hercules trying to regain his ‘god hood’ so that he can return to mount Olympus and be with the other ‘gods.’
Like Hercules Fhain is something more then human, in fact her birth strikes me as nothing less then supernatural, it seems only natural to me that Fhain should find out about the letter that the Grim Reaper left with her and try to put the peaces of her past together.

Any time, if you need more help just let me know and we can keep this thred going.

Definately think the quality of this one will depend heavily on how you present it...

Questions!
1) So the Grim Reaper is Male, yes? If he's specifically one gender or another, why does he go about making his 'child' in a... well, unnatural way? To 'preserve' his powers or... what?

2) Why do the Stone's not tell her anything about this? Do they think it's a lot of nonsense, or do they just want her to be a real part of the family?

3) Why does the Grim Reaper work so hard to see her properly reared? She's a failed experiment, after all. And if he does care about her, shouldn't he set someone or something to watch over or after her or to check up on her after a number of years?

Suggestions!
1) It feels kind of silly for him to just give up on her because she's female- after all, she's his magic and bone, so I'd think he'd at least test her capabilities and decide that she can't hold enough magic or something.

2) If she's the reject, he should probably try again and create a real successor, which could work well for the creation of the antagonist...

Idea: for the story line, the grim reaper should get a male child and Fhain should meet him, something should happen between them and well you know, but I love the story idea, it should do well. If you have every seen the Hogfather by Terry Pratchet, I think Fhain should be a little like Susan (who is the grand daughter of the grim reaper), I dont really know how to describe what she can do but I thought it would be good. If she is the daghter of the grim reaper I think it would be good if people feel slightly uneasy around her. This is what I am doing with my main character, if the main character is treated differently the reader seems to like them more, I love story's where the main character is treated differently because it usually has a good effect.
Good luck with it, sounds great.