|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 4:51 pm
In the darkness little is seen.
Shadows are veiwed but nothing is belived.
Can you see the moon light?
The raining night.
Pitch-black skies no clouds no home.
Free to roam.Forever tears shone...
as my tainted heart cries for...SALVATION.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 10:34 am
wow!!! thats cool!! i like it. biggrin biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 12:07 pm
Nice, short, but with a point.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 9:35 am
I like it. Very insightful and dark. I love dark poems like this. Nice job!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 7:17 pm
I would say work on the flow. It's quite choppy and the question line completely throws the flow off. I do like the dark atmosphere.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:47 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 4:38 pm
I love it! so dark and beautiful. the "is" in the second line bumps the rythm a little but I love the imagry
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 3:42 pm
i like it, its sort sweet and to the point....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 08, 2006 7:56 pm
Like Darksky said, it needs some work on the flow. The dark atmosphere is great, but the choppy movement and lack of punctuation that makes sense jarrs the reading, I think.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 2:13 pm
I couldn't agree more. I've always liked the calm mysterious night than the rampaging confused day. great job!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
