|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 4:13 am
The Comedy Thread
Use this thread to post anything comical; including pictures, jokes, stories, etc.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 4:36 am
I think I shall start this off with:  Quote: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? NOTHING! You've already told her twice.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 10:49 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 1:05 am
good work deletin my post biggrin
are all conflicting opinions deleted?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 2:56 am
WAckyT good work deletin my post biggrin are all conflicting opinions deleted? Check out the Rules/Info thread. 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 3:20 am
Jive Whale WAckyT good work deletin my post biggrin are all conflicting opinions deleted? Check out the Rules/Info thread. 3nodding yeah i just read it and i dont see how my threads/posts infringed on the rules?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 5:58 am
The forum just needed cleaning up... Don't take offense or anything.
But anyway, my most favourite joke ever is as follows:
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are in the middle of their final showdown fight inside the Death Star. Just as Luke is about to strike Vader down, Vader screams "WAIT!" Luke cuts short the swing of his light sabre and says "What is it?" To this Vader replies "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke, a little suspicious asks "How do you know?" Vader looks Luke in the eye and says "I felt your presents."
domokun
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2004 8:27 am
EmWah The forum just needed cleaning up... Don't take offense or anything. But anyway, my most favourite joke ever is as follows: Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are in the middle of their final showdown fight inside the Death Star. Just as Luke is about to strike Vader down, Vader screams "WAIT!" Luke cuts short the swing of his light sabre and says "What is it?" To this Vader replies "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke, a little suspicious asks "How do you know?" Vader looks Luke in the eye and says "I felt your presents." domokun lol *shakes head* wink some of these are ok. some are kinda crap A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About a! n hour and half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back. A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, looking quite uncomfortable. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, clears his throat and says, "Your house." An old geezer in the old folk's home took a fancy to an old lady who is also staying at the home. One day he gets up enough courage to tell her he wants to make love to her. She agrees and suggests that when everyone else is gone for a day trip, they will stay behind and get to it. He goes to her room on the day and asks her how she likes it. She says, "I used to like it when a man went down on me." He says he would love to and goes for it. After about 30 seconds he comes back up and says, "I'm sorry. I afraid I just can't go on. It smells rotten down there." She says, "It must be my arthritis." He looks at her and says, "Surely you can't get arthritis down there. And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that horrible smell." She says, "No, my arthritis is in my shoulder and I can't wipe my a**." A little girl asked her mum, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mum replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home." actually theyre really crap
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:15 pm
harhar. two old people on their 50th marrage aniversery were sitting at
their breakfast table. The old woman says to her husband "My nipples are
still as hot for you as they were 50 years ago, luv".
To which he replies "That's because they're in your tea, dear".
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ps she's got saggy tits. eek
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:20 pm
Jem ps she's got saggy tits. eek lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:28 pm
here's another one:
There was a guy who decided to have a party, and he decided that it
should be a fancy dress party, with an emotion theme. He told all his
friends that the party would be held friday at his place.
Come friday, the guy heard a knock at the door, and there was a man
dressed in all green. The man holding the party says "that's a great
costume" "I'm green with envy!" the man laughs and invites him in.
A few minutes later, a knock on the door, and there was a woman
standing; dressed in a tight pink dress with a pink feather boa. The man
says she has a great costume, she says she's tickled pink blah blah blah.
A few minutes a knock from the door and two men are standing. both naked, aside from a piece of foodstuff hanging from their genitals.
The first man had a bowl of custard, the other a pear.
The host says "The ******** are you guys doing?! you're going to get arrested
or something looking like this!" the second man then says "Don't you want to know what we are?" "go on then" says the host
"well," the first man says "I'm ******** dis custard and my friends c** in dis pear!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA surprised
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:41 pm
Q. Why does Mrs. Bush always get on top ?
A. Because George can only ******** up. domokun
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 12:14 am
A couple of jokes I enjoyed.Quote: It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was ******** some b***h, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the ********! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
The Angel considers this, and let's him in cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question. So the dude replies, "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and ******** hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died. So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in this refrigerator right..." Quote: A cucumber, a pickle, and a p***s were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad." So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The p***s glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until i throw up and pass out." Quote: Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your a** without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples." Quote: Two families move from Pakistan to America.
When they arrive the two fathers make a bet - in a year's time whichever family has become more American will win.
A year later they meet again:The first man says, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
The second man replies, "******** you, towelhead."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 7:21 am
ok
a marine gets stationed in iraq. he longs to see his girlfriend again, as its been 6 long months since he saw her, and he wants to propose.
one day, she sends a letter saying she couldent wait for him to get back,and that shes been sleeping with 3 other men since he was posted in iraq. she wants to break it off and she wants the photos of herself back, which was all the marine had.
The marine, keeping his cool, goes around to all his buddies asking for photos of girlfriends, sisters, and pin up girls they have.
he then writes back to the ex saying, "im sorry, i cant remember which girl you are, please pick your photos out of these ones and send the rest back"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2004 1:46 am
I'm gonna post a prank. Because it's a funny prank. I heard it on the radio
a short while back at about 3AM.
You get some crazy thing, for example: a rusty egg beater. Then you get
someone to give it in to a lost and found desk saying they found a rusty
egg beater. A few days later, someone else goes in saying they lost their
rusty egg beater, and the person at the lost and found counter would be
all "funny you should mention that because someone did give us this
weird object. Here you go". And then, after examination, the said
someone gives back the item saying it's not theirs. Hilarity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
