Aww, I'm sorry.
-
Something happened to me like that once before. The change of heart theroy; that is. It's realy hard, and you start to feel like you cant trust yourself.
My advice to you is to live what was once your dream. If you wanted it so bad before, there must be some part of you that still want's it. It's just covered up by confusion. Try it out, and see what becomes of it. Give it a while to sink-in, and don't rush it.