Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply Cancer Ward
Lord Of The Wal-Mart~ A Joe [crack] fic! PG-13 no edit!

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

F E L L A T I O
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:20 pm


This fic is a crack fic, meaning that the authoress is ON CRACK WHEN SHE WROTE IT. SO, THEREFORE, THERE WILL BE LOOTSSSS OF STUPIDITY. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THAT, DO NOT READ ON.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Part 1~ Patrick Gone WILD! surprised

Joseph Mark Trohman the Seventy-Second was AS BORED AS ********. I mean, sure, he had that whole band thing goin' on..but..

"PETE, YOU LAZY s**t! GET OFF OF MY TABLE!!" yelled Patrick.

"Whoa, Patrick..You okay..?" Pete asked, holding his gameboy to the light.

"NO! NO I'M NOT!!"

Joe shook his head, and Andy went back to being As Exciting As A Wet Rock.

"Do you need some MIIIDDOOOOLLLL?!" crooned Pete. Patrick smacked him.

"GO TO WAL-MART AND GET ME SOME EFFING TYLENOL!!!" he screamed.

Joe flinched, as he heard glass breaking and Pete whimpering, Andy blinked a few times and exhaled.

Pete slumped up against the white wall, holding money in his hand. He stood straight up, leaving blood where his head was.

"To Wal-Mart!" he said in a lazy, drawling tone. Andy stood up, and Joe jumped to his feet.

"For Frodo!" added Joe.

"MY. NAME. IS. PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!" screamed Frodo, I MEAN PATRICK. "DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I'M SHORT!!!"

"Ahh, shuddup, you emo hobbit b*****d," grumbled Pete, walking out of the door. Patrick threw a china cat at him.


Part 2~ The Fellowship unofficially ebarks.

The forest Patrick's house was in was deep, and known to have many Hornoads and Zebesian Space Pirates in them. So the Fellowship of the Tylenol traveled along, singing a lovely, off-key tune.

"LALALALA!! AND THEN PATRICK b***h-SLAPPED PEEEEEEEEEETTE!! AND THEN PETEY BOY KIIIIIIILLLED HIM AND SAAAAVED THE DAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! AND HAD MAAAAAAANNNY VIIIRGINSSSS SACRIFICED AT HIS FEEEEEEEEEEEEEET BECAUSE HE RIDDED THE WORLD OF THE EVIL STUMPY TEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOORRRR!!!"

"Stumpy Terror?"

"YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS. STUMPY TEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOORRRR!!!"

"Oh."

Then Pete shut up. And Andy wasn't saying anything, just humming quietly to himself. Joe was skipping along merrily, but he froze once he heard the deep rumble of an Armenian man wail, "YOU SAW THE FOREST! NOW COME INSIDE!!"

"But we are inside!" yelled Joe.

"SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

"BRING IT ON, YOU...PERSON...HORNOAD...THING!!!" Pete yelled.

"NO! NEVERMIND HIM!" Joe yelled.

"AWW! I ALREADY GRABBED MY VINE!"

"WELL, SINCE YOU BOTHERED.."

"YAY!"


Soon, a bald man with a long, braided beard, and a loincloth that teased fangirls-- D:< Damn him-- flew in on a vine. Holding a spear to Joe's throat, he said, "HAHA! Now you are in my clutches!"

"You've been waiting your whole life to say that, haven't you?" asked Joe.

"Shuddup," he said, sounding like Taylor.

"OHHH, I know who you are! You're that Shay-go Oh-day-jeee-an guy." Joe said. Shay-go narrowed his eyes.

"It's Shavo Odadjian," said Shavo. "I'm in System Of A Down."

"You mean you WERE."

"No! We just went on hiatus!"

They all looked at each other.

"Let's all vow NEVER to go on hiatus, or we will become Hornoad Tarzan things." said Joe. He grabbed Andy and Petes' hands and shook them. They both nodded.

"So what brings you puny mortals into my Forest?!" he asked in a booming voice.

"Patrick is having his period, so--"

Pete got hit in the back of his head with a china cat.

"Tylenol. We need to go to Wal-Mart to get Tylenol,"

"Ooh, can I come? I need to buy some leopard-print fabric to make a new loin cloth.

"Of course, Shavo," said Joe, the unofficial leader of the Fellowship Of The Tylenol. Shavo grinned, and his spear magically trasnformed into a bass guitar, complete with amp.



So after hours of Shavo improvising on the bass, they reached a misty gorge-ish place. WHoa, I RHYMED!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH! Anyway, there was a long, rickety bridge across the ravine. Now, I know what you're thinking. One of the guys will be a bit reluctant to go on there, and the others will be all, "No, it's safe. Trust me!" so then they will fall through, and be pulled up by the one who was iffy about going on it in the first place. WELL YOU'RE WRONG.

But we're going the Monty Python and The Holy Grail route here, since Hollow is SUCH A BIG FAN of that movie.

To the right of the bridge stood a short, hunchbacked troll looking dude.

"I'll let ye pass if ye answer me these riddles three," he said in a low voice, flashing a grin.

Shavo stepped up, looking proud.

"First question," hissed the soothsayer, "What..is your name?"

"Shavarsh Odadjian," answered Shavo.
"Next question," he said, "What..is your quest?"

"To get leopard print fabric and Tylenol at Wal-Mart,"

"Third Question," he said, "What..is the capital of Assyria?"

"W-well..I dunno th-that.."

Shavo was flung into the ravine by some mystical force, screaming swearwords at the top of his lungs and flipping off the soothsayer. Joe's eyes went wide. He gulped, as Pete stepped forward. He looked like he was on the brink of bursting into tears.

"For Shavo!" he growled through gritted teeth.

"What..Is your name?"

"Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III,"

"What..is your quest?"

"TO get Midol for--"

A china cat smacked his cheek.

"I mean Tylenol, for my FRIEND, Patrick,"

"What..is your favorite color?"

"Rainbow!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!one!!!exclamationpoint!!!!!2!!eleven!!!!shift+one!!"

The soothsayer motioned for him to cross.

Andy stepped up, a look of fierce determination set upon his face.

"What..is YOUR name?"

"Andrew John Hurley,"

"What..is your quest?"

"To get Tylenol for my friend Patrick,"

"What..is your pwner's name?"

"Uhhhh..................dot..........Corey Taylor?"

The soothsayer allowed him to pass.

Joe stepped up, and opened his mouth, but the soothsayer shrank back in fear and realization of what Joe was.

"WHAT?!" he yelled, at the quickly retreating bundle of rags, "IS IT BECAUSE I'M A JEW?!"

But he was too far gone, and what he hissed sounded like, "Thosen none!!"

"THOSEN NONE?! YOU RACIST b*****d!!"

Joe growled, but crossed the bridge anyhow, and caught up with Andy and Pete, looking down into the gorge. He missed Shavo already! D; -CUE AWWING-


But Shavo was sitting on a rock, giggling like mad.

"WHOA!! How did you get out of there?!" asked Andy.

"I'm Shavo ********' Odadjian!" explained Shavo, grinning.

"Oh," said Joe, smiling.




So they went on their merry way, passing bunnies, innocent little birds, and the occaisional hobo, begging for money.

"Back off, ya lazy beggars!" yelled Shavo, kicking a pregnant hobo in the face.

But soon they reached a plain, with a body of water to the left, and they saw a dot on the horizon.

"Ahh! That's the nearest city. The Wal-Mart isn't in it, but we can do stuff there," said Andy.

Yet, a ways off, they heard the crash of metal, and the coarse screaming of people.

And epic battle was taking place.

Pirates Vs. Ninjas.

pirate Vs. ninja

Part 3~ Epic battle of...epic..pro..portions..
(This is short because somebody edited it to death.)
And then, a silver-haired ninja walked up to the Fellowship.

"What are you doing here?" he asked dully, pulling out a book o' porn in written form.

"Ooh, I LOVE that series!" Pete giggled.

"We're going to get Tylenol at Wal-Mart for our friend, Frod--I mean..Patrick.."

"Can I go along with you? I need some kunai and comdoms."

"WHat's your name, first?" asked Joe.

"Hatake Kakashi." he answered, turning the page. Pete was reading along silently, save for his uke-ish giggles. {{Author'sNote: An 'uke' is short for the japanese term 'ukeru' meaning to recieve, and it's the guy that usually on bottom during ghey secks. I imagine Pete as being an uke..Providing that he's gay, of course.}}

"Another night out with that ANBU member? Or is it Kurenai?" asked a random ninja. Who was Asuma. {{Wikipedia/Google them..}}

Kakashi blushed.

"Shuddup before I stab you in the eye with my porn!"

Asuma shrugged and took a drag on his ciggarette before he killed a pirate.

So they were on their merry way.

"Hey, could you read us a passage from that fine piece of literature?" Pete asked. Kakashi grinned, and proceeded as such. Now, y'all are too young for it, so I censored it.

"And, in a tangled ______ frenzy, Takoyo _____ Rin's ______ and she ________ __________ and ________ ________ IT FELT _________,"

Joe cringed.

"Damn you, Jiraiya! I hope you're having fun,"



And several miles away, while he was screwing Tsunade{{YOU ALL LIKE THE PAIRING!!!}}, Jiraiya sneezed.




Pete was bleeding through his nose, and Andy didn't look too effected. {{AN: Okay, I'll stop with Japanese superstitions. D; But I'll explain them. If someone is talking about you, you sneeze. And if you hear/see something sexual, you get a nosebleed.}}

Kakashi snorted. And then Pete and him started to discuss the..'mechanics' of things. And brag.

"Man, this one time, there was this groupie chick, right, and she came back and was all, 'Omg, Pete, i love you, I want urr children'. So I did her ALL NIGHT LONG! AHAHAHA!"

"Hn. Have you ever had kinky sex with 7 ANBU members? AT THE SAME TIME?! Yeah, that's what I thought." {{AN: This is from the fic on fanfiction.net called 'The mating Frenzy'. READ IT! D:<}}

"Oh, man. We have MUCH to learn from you,"

Now, a few of you know that Shavo himself is addicted to sex, but he's currently scoping the area out with his pet hornoad, Garabuunta. A while later, Shavo returned to everyone walking in silence. And this continued, all the way throught the plains.

"Dudes..We need a chick," stated Pete.

"Hmmmm?" hm'ed the Sexy Beast, Kakashi, while reading his favorite dirty novel. D:<

"We're all guys. We need a chick. We look gay,"

"You're the one wearing girl pants," Kakashi stated. Pete was about to smack him, when a black-blue-and-blonde blur tackled him.

"OMGPETEWENTZILOVEYOUSOOOOOOOOOMUCHYOUARROGANTBASTARDYOU'REEFFINGHAWT!"

Pete patted the blonde girl's head.

"Nice to meet a fan,"

"I've been stalking you guys for the last mile with my friend, can we come along? We need Happy Pills and cotton candy," asked the girl. Her emo glasses hung on her face, and her recently-cut blonde hair fell a little past her shoulders in a way that would've made her look like a Valley Girl, had it not been for the angled bangs. She wore a black tantop with skulls and crossbones, and ripped jeans with converse. She motioned to another girl, who was sitting on a treebranch with a determined look upon her face.

Her hair was brown, wavy, and too long for her taste. She was hunched over, but Joe could tell she was wearing a black Arizona hoodie and jeans, with black and white pinstriped converse. What shocked them the most was the silver and dark blue light saber glowing ominously in he hand. She jumped down infront of them. {{AN: Yeah..We're both 18 in this fic. Becazuse we lust after these hawt men.}}

"Sorry for Lindsay's rudeness. That's her name, Lindsay, and I'm Olivia. Call me that and get castrated by my lightsaber." she warned, waving oh-so-closely to Pete's area. "It's Shimi--OMG, THAT'S KAKASHI!!"

She glomped him, after sheathing her lightsaber, of course.

"OMGKAKASHIHATAKEILOVEYOUSOOOOOOOOOMUCHYOUPERVERTYOU'REEFFINGHAWT!" she squealed. Kakashi patted her head as well.

"C'mon, Patick's probably bleeding all over the fl--"

A china cat smacked him. Shavo sighed, and he knew this would be a long trip.


PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:37 pm


o.o

And just when I thought you couldn't get any crazier...

rofl
Just kidding, It was... poor Patick.

[RaBid.PoP~TaRt]
Captain


XDkelsie
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:46 pm


XD
Shavo in a loin cloth...
I could actually see him doing all those things though...
O.o

Anyway...
I like it.
=D
PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 2:47 pm


I think I'm gonna have Pete force Shavo into Tripp pants.... heart heart domokun

F E L L A T I O
Crew


the-murder-scene

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:03 pm


XD Which kind are they? Shavo was in the BIIIG ones with blue stitching.


mine are black with chain x's on the pockets and more chains down the legs and on the butt. me loves them and added more chains but i had to buy a belt to make them stay up because i keep losing weight.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 6:36 pm


That was flippin sweet. <--Kristin

[RaBid.PoP~TaRt]
Captain


[RaBid.PoP~TaRt]
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 8:29 pm


rofl
PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 8:36 pm


Effing awesome.
As are all of the updates in all of your fics. :]

XDkelsie
Crew


F E L L A T I O
Crew

PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:43 am


I LOVE YOU MAN! -Hugs a random person- AND YOU! -Hugs Lindsay- AND YOU! -Points to Kelsie- BECAUSE YOU MOST LIKELY DON'T WANT A HUG FROM ME!.....SHUT UP, LINDSAY! gonk
PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:53 pm


o.O WTF?

Mrs Joe Trohman


Mrs Joe Trohman

PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:21 pm


wow, I did not like that.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 1:06 pm


Raven_Heart
wow, I did not like that.


Thank you, for crushing my self-esteem.

This is a no-put down guild, only constructive criticism, flames will be beaten to death by the Armenian Jungle Man.

Everyone else seems to like it...

And please, no double-posting, it wastes space on the guild. biggrin

F E L L A T I O
Crew


Revenge In Your Eyes

PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 8:12 am


Homygawd.
That was so awesome.
xD
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 11:21 am


Revenge_In_Your_Eyes
Homygawd.
That was so awesome.
xD
You make the sexy Armenian jungle man feel loved.

SHAVO, SHOW THE LOVE. D:<

Shavo: Crack?


F E L L A T I O
Crew

Reply
Cancer Ward

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum