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Tags: Arts, Writing, Dance, Music, Drawing 

Reply Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum
Critique please- blunt poem, but a good message.

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Zanmatou

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 11:24 pm


How would you define a person- perception?
Of what then? Do you state with certainty, then,
that what you percieve through your looking-glass
Is the entire truth, the whole reality?
Do you even dare to claim, then,
With such certainty,
that your gossamer hold on reality does not deceive you?
To assume, as you do, that the measure of a man
Can be taken from what he shows to you, is likened to judging,
if a measure more absurd,
A book by its cover,
an oak by an acorn.
Nay, do not define one by appearances,
Rather, await eagerly the content therein;
For just as a worn cover denotes not pages of refuse,
but annals of well-referenced wisdom,
And the tiny acorn begets not a frail sapling,
but a venerable monument,
So can the apparently weak display valor,
The reserved possess insight,
The closed exude empathy.
And in this act, may you, apparent fool,
Be reformed, and be worthy,
of the same deepened consideration you now bestow.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:26 pm


in all honesty, i think it is too wordy, and the punctuation steers the eye and detracts from the message. i think it's partially my personal taste, but i think you should consider exploring your style, and learning how to make it just right, you know? regardless this is obviously a well-crafted piece. write on. heart

Shoushitsu

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Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum

 
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