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 Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 1:42 pm
K guys, this is a rough copy, so bug me all u want so i can fix it up.
Hate-
Hate, a burning fire within
A wretching desire to stop
It feels worse then death
Does more damage then bullets
Pushing me over the edge.
Hate, A little part of everyone
Designed to make life hell.
Making it harder to think
Saying things you don't mean
Causing you to fall
Hate, a vision of pure disgust
Making you seem alone.
Causing people to be seen
Not for what they are
But for making somethign a monster.
Hate, Nothing less then pain
even for one's own thought.
Making happiness hard
Making serene impossible
Driving us all insane.
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Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:35 pm
Well, your description of hate is certainly accurate. Perhaps its just me, though, but it seems like the ideas are a little too jumbled together, like there needs to be more to tie some of the ideas together?
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:28 pm
could u clarify? Thanks smile
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 4:35 pm
Um..I dunno...maybe just something..? I'm not an artsy poet. I just happened to think some things seemed out of place... sweatdrop
Now that I look it over again (and many many more times, actually) I think the ideas are coming together in my head better.
Next time the prose writer and essaying sounds like he has something to offer on your poetry, ignore him gonk
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