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Reply Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum
"Pain"

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Im 2 sexy for dis SN

PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 3:02 pm


PAIN

I never knew so few people can do so much damage.
I never knew my feelings can get so hurt.
Sticks and stones may break bones but they heal.
Sometimes just saying "sorry" doesn’t always heal.
I never knew that my feelings healing could take long to heal.
I never knew that pain could hurt worse then pain

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 2:10 pm


I'm guessing what you're tring to do here is achieve an effect through repetition, but written in this way it doesn't quite work. The words "heal" and "pain" could easily be replaced with others to give this a better flow.

The first sentence is great though.... biggrin . It has a good... for lack of a better word... melody...

noiseless_lark

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Critiques: Poem, Short Story, and Writing for Critiquing Forum

 
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