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 Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:43 pm
Yeah, I've been feeling bad lately...My dad and my step mom are having issues, so therefore my dad's taking it out on me...And now he's going to sell the house...wtf! Where are we gonna live? I've been feeling down, and confused...So I wrote this poem.
Forever screaming,
voices throughout my tortured mind,
Let me off this wicked roller coaster called life.
I didn't ask to get on,
I never understand whats going on.
I want off this damnation of a ride called life.
Screaming, tortured, always in pain.
I just want to end the shame,
Let me off this roller coaster called life.
Always confused,
Never knowing what's going on,
Put me out of the pain,
And end the ride.
Coments pleash. And constructive critisism welcomed.
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Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 5:41 pm
...... Ummmm, wow... just wow.... The poem gives feeling, yes, but its a bit emo, don't you think? Unless you are emo... Then never mind. Sad thing is, 99% of teenagers feel this way one way or another. I sugest, to make this poem and others you write a bit better is make the poem longer or more descriptive. Your poem is a bit out wayed and reaches of the topic every once in a while. I know what your thinking, 'How can she go on about such a short poem?' Truth be told, I've read a lot of poems in my life and I plan to continue. If you read my other poem, you see it has some sort of an ending, closure. This poem hast none. Otherwise, I honor you. This poem, unlike mine, reaches out to many people. I hope you take my advise willingly.
Sherry
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Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 6:40 pm
Sugarkat ...... Ummmm, wow... just wow.... The poem gives feeling, yes, but its a bit emo, don't you think? Unless you are emo... Then never mind. Sad thing is, 99% of teenagers feel this way one way or another. I sugest, to make this poem and others you write a bit better is make the poem longer or more descriptive. Your poem is a bit out wayed and reaches of the topic every once in a while. I know what your thinking, 'How can she go on about such a short poem?' Truth be told, I've read a lot of poems in my life and I plan to continue. If you read my other poem, you see it has some sort of an ending, closure. This poem hast none. Otherwise, I honor you. This poem, unlike mine, reaches out to many people. I hope you take my advise willingly. Sherry No, not emo. I just write really dark poems. That's what I am. Dark. I use that to my advantage in my poems. Yes, though it might not seem it has an ending, it does indeed. "Put me out of the pain, and end the ride" Ends the poem. (Not very good at endings, so I put them in relation to the poem) And the topic of the poem, was how life is like a roller coaster ride. Hence the mentioning of the ride. Many of my poems, are indeed dark, yes indeed. But I'm emotional, and therefore, I do not write happy, cheery poems.
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 11:31 am
Your Emotional so you have the ability to write upsetting poems, I understand that, but you can also use your emotions to write poems away from darkness. 6th grade was ******** up for me so I have many poems written about death, yes I was a suisidal..... Not any more though. Through my poetry, I've learned how to take sadness and turn it into many other emotions, for example annoyance, which can be related to a sybling or enemy. This keeps the poem together and gives it an ending.
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 1:03 pm
eek Oh my... another Dark poem by our Sakurai, you did a good job on this one!
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:04 pm
Yes, dark...But still. I like darkness...
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:31 pm
I know you do, one reason I like your poems!
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:35 am
Heh. Atleast someone does...I only get sent to the G.C. for my writings at school...I almost got dettention for a drawing ^.^' Lets just say, Bi catgirls in, "Inapropriate" situations, are not drawings for school. Of course, had he not shouted "LOOK! DANNY HAS CATGIRL PORN!" The teacher wouldn't of noticed. FYI, it wasn't cg porn. It was just a catgirl massaging another catgir's breasts. Not my kind of classification of porn...
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:46 am
Ah, yes, I remember when I drew a picture of two of my characters in the "Don Juan" position, it's pretty innocent, actually, but, back then, my drawings were terrible, and instead of it looking like his hands were on her waist, it looked a little lower, and my 'friend' (or so he calls himself, he's pretty rude!) Said that that wasn't school appropriate, and that he would tell the teacher, he never did, and the picture wasn't that bad... normally, the only interaction I have with two people in my pictures is a hand on the shoulder, or dancing... they're really bad, those are...
(Not my classification either, I take it they were both clothed? Yeah, that isn't porn... believe me, if I wanted, I could draw much worse 'porn' then what they're thinking, but I would much rather use my creativity for something more productive, like learning how to draw the "Don Juan" position right!)
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:18 pm
(Yes, both were in work uniforms...It wasn't porn!)
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Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 8:16 am
(Hey, hey, calm yourself, I never said it was, see, it isn't, but the positions might've set some people off, doesn't really help the the picture was Bi, people are so closed minded, you know?
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Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 4:39 pm
(Yeah, I know...School's gonna be hell. When people relize that I'm only attracted to the male gender, and figure out I am indeed gay, then...I don't really want to think about it...)
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:54 am
(Ah, yes, that will be hell, for me, my issues are the crowds, and the fact that everyone thinks that I was sent from Hell or something like that, then again, the creepy things I tell them about Demons doesn't help... I say what I know, and they think I'm going to Hell where I came from... they're idiots...)
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Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:12 am
(Crowds are a pain...Everyone asks me, "HEy, when are the demons comming" Because, I am indeed obsessed with demonology, (And damn well good at it!) But it gets really annoying, expecially when people egg me on, then Shadow (My demon) Takes over, and about kills them ^.^')
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Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 11:53 am
eek Oh my... yes, I don't know all that much about Demonology, but it would be interesting to learn...
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