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Directly stemming from the Les Mis movie thread, the "I'd walk out of the cinema if..." game! Make up horrible scenarios of what can happen to the movie to make you, well, build a barricade in front of the studios. Or at least make you walk out of the cinema. Make up "Worst Cast Ever" lists, suggests crappily-made barricades, whatever. As long at it's horrible. We had this on another Les Mis board I was on.

One that I made that I remember of the top of my head:

One person suggested, "If they show Marius's and Cosette's wedding night eek "

And then I added on, "If they cast Brad Pitt as Marius and Hilary Duff and Cosette and show their wedding night." That also can mean Angelina Jolie as Valjean, 'cause she'd have to carry Brad Pitt through the sewers. And some other guy as Javert that would be a comical choice for her to say, "-Down, Javert..." (Now, I know I said I don't support V/J slash in the other thread, but this is purely for sickeningly humorous purposes talk2hand ).

If there is no fall-of-the-barricade scene and no Joly at all I'll eat someone's brains for my supper.

-Any sort of awfully prolonged makeout scene
-celebrity cameos
-the thenardiers being too comic reliefish stressed

I'd never walk out of the theatre if it was Les Mis....I might shout at it the whole time though (as with the 1998 movie).

But for fun I'll make a worst cast ever list.

Valjean - Steve Martin
Javert - Geoffrey Rush
Fantine - Britney Spears
Cosette - Hillary Duff
Young Cosette - Dakota Fanning
Marius - Elijah Wood
Thenardier - Johnny Depp
Enjolras - Orlando Bloom
Eponine - Anne Hathaway

Any suggestions for Gavroche?

I'd walk out if Javert jumped into the Seine in front of Valjean and he didn't help.
I'd walk out if Marius was the leader of the Friends of the L'ABC.
I'd walk out if Liam Neeson was cast in a movie as a lead.

O wait, all these are in that terrible movie. No wonder I loathe it.

I'd walk out of the theatre if Andrew Lloyd Webber decided to write a version of it.
I'd walk out ot the theatre if Nicholas Cage, Adam Sanders, Brittany Spears, Burt Reynolds were cast in it.

If they cut out any major character... I can live with very minor character being left out... Like Azelma, I can live without her, but they had better not try cutting out Eponine or Enjolras scream
(I mean, face it. Lets be reasonable, unless they do a two part thing like Kill Bill theres no way they're going to fit in every little scene and character).
And I won't be happy about it, but I suppose I can live if Les Amis and Patron-Minnette members aren't named, but are all there. (I'd be very sad if 'Parnasse wasn't there cry .... but I wouldn't walk out)

If Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise or Hillary Duff were cast in any role.... Accutally, Hillary Duff can be in it, as long as she's an unnamed hooker with no lines and no solos in Lovely Ladies.

If Eponine is sane and/or emo.
(and she probably will be, as thats how the musical portrays her. Grr, I don't want to see an emo kid who seems mentally healthy yet is to stupid to think of anything other then unrequitted love to sing about. I want the batty, yet clever and overly cheerful-consistering-her-stituation crackhead that is the'ponine I know and love! mad )

If Enjolras is portrayed as a stupid rebelous teenager.

If Madame Thenardier is a complete b***h. She should just be mostly a b***h. (If I'm not mistaken, Victor Hugo purpously characterized her in such a way to show that even this horrable ogress had some good quailtys. Such as loving Eponine and Azelma so much. I want to see a Madame Thenardier who is a devoted mother to her daughters, but says "******** you!" to the rest of the world)

If Waterloo takes more then 15 minutes (Holy crap. Probably the only part of the book that was painful to get through.)

If they leave out the more famous/importaint songs. (I'd like all the songs to be there... but again, be realistic. Things will have to be cut down and turned into dialouge. I want to at least see What Have I Done, I Dreamed a Dream, Lovely Ladies, Who am I, Castel on a Cloud, Master of the House, Look Down, Stars, Do you Hear the People Sing, One Day More, On my Own, Little People, A Little Fall of Rain, Bring him Home, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables and the Finale.)

Umm.... I'll think of more later.

Actually, the gay is a requirement considering this is Enjy we are talking about.

If Bossuet is involved and he has hair, I will commit seppuku. D: And if they ignore Joly entirely, well....

...

...

...

you can probably figure that one out yourselves.

And if there is no Joly x Feuilly slashy bits, I will sob. Loudly. And annoy other theatregoers. With my fangirlish mis-logic. Is t hat a word? ...it is now.

WORST CAST EVER

Valjean- Michael Jackson
Javert- Robin Williams
Marius- Tom Hanks
Cosette- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Eponine- Angelina Jolie
Thenardier- T.R. Knight (You know... George from Grey's Anantomy. He's too cute and innocent to play Thenardier)
Mme Thenardier- Kate Hudson
Enjoras- Antonio Banderez
Gavroche- ...Dakota Fanning? (For some reason I can see them dressing her up as a boy... I dunno...)
Fantine- Hillary Duff