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CAST:
Berelain-Aishwarya Rai
Rand-Wes Bentley
Perrin-Tom Welling
Mat-Jake Gyllenhaal
Handmaiden-Paris HIlton
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Berelain, Perrin and Mat sat around a low table. The mansion was really exquisite; Rand had given it to Perrin as a "thank-you-for-all-your-help-with-that-War-against-the-Shadow" gift. Berelain was alternating between frowning at Mat and batting her eyelids at Perrin.
"Perrin, it was so nice for you to invite me to dinner like this,' purred Berelain sensually.
"It was my pleasure," Perrin replied gallantly.
"Yeah, you can say that again..." Mat muttered under his breath.
Berelain frowned at him very hard, then put on her most charismatic smile. "My handmaidens in the other chamber have been dying to meet the infamous casanove, Matrim Cauthon."
Mat's face lit up like a lightbulb. "Really? I'm off. Have fun, Perrin!"
"Wait! Mat! You can't leave me with - Oh, never mind." Mat swaggered off into the next room and was greeted by excited shrieks.
"This is so nice," murmured Berelain seductively, inching closer to Perrin. "You...me...alone...together..."
The doors flew open. Berelain's eyes grew to the size of silver Tar Valon marks and she leapt away from Perrin as if he had the plague.
"I'm here too,' said Faile as she walked in, her voice poisonously sweet.
Berelain spluttered for a bit. "Lady Bashere - I mean Aybara - I mean - Zarine!"
"That's Faile," Faile replied coldly. She added in an undertone to Perrin, "Don't worry, I've brought reinforcements."
Just then, Rand al'Thor walked in. Perrin grinned from ear to ear. Berelain went pale and gulped; Perrin could tell that she was thinking about the bubbles of evil again.
"Now, now, you two," said Rand, smiling amicably. "I'm laying down one rule. No fighting. If you break it...I shall punish you."
When he smiles like that... thought Berelain.
...there's no telling what he'd come up with! thought Faile.

TWO HOURS LATER.

Faile sat back and sighed with contentment. "Oh, that was delicious!"
Perrin shrugged. "Don't tell me. Far Dareis Mai cooked it."
"Their culinary skills have improved," commented Rand, thinking back to the soup they used to make him.
"Perhaps we could retire to our...bedchambers?" asked Berelain delicately, glancing at Perrin from under her eyelashes.
Perrin ignored her. "Rand, a nightcap?"
"Perhaps Faile would like a walk in the gardens with Ghara, my top assassin. She'd be quite...(here she coughed)...safe in his hands, I assure you. And it would give Perrin and I a chance to reacquaint...in private. We are close personal friends after all."
"Aaaargh!" screamed Faile. "I can't take it any more! STOP HITTING ON MY HUSBAND! Faile's Fan Blade Attack!"
"You little cow!" hissed Berelain. "Berelain's Whirlwind Kick!"
"Stop!" roared Rand, channeling Air to make his voice louder.
Berelain and Faile froze.
"You broke the rule," said Rand calmly.
Oh dear, they're in for it now... thought Perrin.
"I declare your punishment..." continued Rand.
Berelain and Faile gulped.
"...a karaoke war!" cheered Rand.
"What the..." began Perrin, but was mercifully interrupted.
Rand channeled Spirit, compelling Faile and Berelain. "True friends, take hand in hand. True friends, open your hearts."
"Stop! You crazy son of a b*tch!" screamed Faile.
"Help! HEEEELP!" shrieked Berelain.
Rand went on. "...and together, raise sweet songs of amity!"
A karaoke machine appeared.
"Where the hell did that come from?!" exploded Perrin. Meanwhile, Berelain and Faile had procured a microphone each.
Together they sang this song of Rand's composing, sounding like they had swallowed live cats:
#I thought she was my enemy
#But when we talked, I found I was wrong
#She was my friend
#Everybody's best of friends!##
"The horror..." quavered Perrin.
"Encore!" shouted Rand, applauding.
"#Everybody's best of frieeeeeends!!!##" finished the duo, ending on a very long, high-pitched note.
Mat stuck his head in. He was naked to the waist, and a chambermaid appeared to be trying to pull him back into the other room by tugging on the waistband of his underwear with her teeth.
"Blood and bloody ashes! What's that noise?!! I didn't know you were researching torture techniques..."
Perrin looked as though he had just been shoved into a room full of Myrddraal. "Oog...I have seen such things as nightmares are made of..." he moaned.
"A karaoke war between Berelain and Faile. I guess I'm seeing history in the making," commented Mat caustically.
"Clear the decks...the end is coming!" shouted Perrin, diving under a table as Faile and Berelain started singing ABBA's "Does Your Mother Know?".
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bump

I found it hilarious. I that when it comes to mocking the work of robert jordan, you have extraordinary talent. Keep writing, I will continue laughing. rofl

Oh, Galad, that was funny
You are really awesome at fanfics!
Thanks for the laughs....

Amen!