Quote:
KNOCK OFF THE VALENTINE
Reworked lyrics of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws"
from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas
HOJO, GAST and LUCRECIA: Knock off Vincent Valentine?
HOJO: I WANNA DO IT!
GAST: Let's draw straws!
LUCRECIA: ShinRa says we should work together! Three of a kind!
HOJO: Birds of a feather! ::holds up green chocobo::
GAST: Now and forever!
ALL: Wheeee!
Kidnap the Valentine, throw him in the safe!
Put some cordoroys on him and see to it that he chafes!
GAST:
First, let's go and take his gun
And stuff it full of bubble gum
And when he goes to shoot us with,
It won't work and he'll be glum!
LUCRECIA:
Wait! I've got a better plan
To catch this big blue turkey man!
Let's pop him in the mako tank
Or throw him to that Scarlet skank!
ALL:
Knock off the Valentine
Lop off his left arm!
Lock him up for thirty years
Then see if he still charms!
HOJO:
Then Missus Jennie-over dame
Can have a new chew toy to maim!
She'll be so pleased, I hope to say
That we'll get a vacation day!
ALL:
Wheeee!
GAST:
I say that we take a gamma scanner
Shove it up his nose three times
Then set it to explode and when
he sneezes, Vincent Valentine will be no more!
LUCRECIA:
You're so cruel, Boss!
If we blew him up to smithereens,
We'd get no chance to go inject him
And watch him turn all blue and green!
ALL:
Tie up the Valentine
Throw him in a ditch!
HOJO:
Throw Lucrecia in there, too,
Cos she's a soft ol' b***h!
(HOJO and LUCRECIA start grabbing at each other's
throats while GAST gets up for his tenor solo
under the spotlight)
GAST:
Because the great Miss big Jenova is the most classified of all!
And with that nosey little Turk around...
ALL:
It's driving us up the wall!
LUCRECIA:
And once the mimbo's dead and gone...
Our lovely work can carry on!
ALL:
Once we're done down these old stairs
Our work will make us millionaires!
LUCRECIA:
(pretends to have a fuzzy coat on)
OOOOOooo!
HOJO:
(throws a disgusted look at LUCRECIA)
ALL:
We're ShinRa's little science geeks
We take our jobs with pride
We do our best to please the boss
So he won't fire our hides!
GAST:
I wish my students weren't so dumb...
LUCRECIA:
I'm not the dumb one!
HOJO:
You're the slut!
GAST:
SILENCE!
BOTH OF YOU JUST QUIET DOWN!
This'll cook his goose, you'll see.
I'll tell him Lu's all sick an stuff
And lure him down here one, two, three.
Now, Hojo-man, you'll take this gun
And shoot him somewhere in the head
With any luck it will get stuck
And on the floor he will be dead!
LUCRECIA:
Oh, my!
HOJO:
Not up to it? >D
LUCRECIA:
(shoves HOJO)
HOJO:
(kicks LUCRECIA)
GAST:
(trying to divert their attention)
Knock off the Valentine, in a coffin will he rest...
HOJO:
Or grind him up fer Palmer and see how his taste tests!
LUCRECIA:
Stomp on the Valentine, throw him off a cliff...
HOJO:
Try'na make up for it now won't really make a diff!
LUCRECIA:
(fumes, then jumps on HOJO and strangles him)
GAST:
(while the other two try to kill each other)
Knock off the Valentine, beat him up real bad...
HOJO:
Take a buncha pictures of the fun he and Lu had!
LUCRECIA:
Rip up that mindless Turk, chuck him in a coffin!
Maybe then old Hojo here will stop his prepubescent scoffin!
ALL:
Knock off the Valentine
Feed him to the dog!
Mr. Bossy ShinRa man's sure to be agog!
Mutilate the Valentine, see just how he screams,
Bring out the old safe and that's where we'll stick the keeee~y!
Layout and content (c) 2001-2005 RD, 2006 by EK unless otherwise noted. Fanfiction and fanart are (c) their authors and artists, but above all, Hojo and FF7 are (c) Squaresoft.
Reworked lyrics of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws"
from Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas
HOJO, GAST and LUCRECIA: Knock off Vincent Valentine?
HOJO: I WANNA DO IT!
GAST: Let's draw straws!
LUCRECIA: ShinRa says we should work together! Three of a kind!
HOJO: Birds of a feather! ::holds up green chocobo::
GAST: Now and forever!
ALL: Wheeee!
Kidnap the Valentine, throw him in the safe!
Put some cordoroys on him and see to it that he chafes!
GAST:
First, let's go and take his gun
And stuff it full of bubble gum
And when he goes to shoot us with,
It won't work and he'll be glum!
LUCRECIA:
Wait! I've got a better plan
To catch this big blue turkey man!
Let's pop him in the mako tank
Or throw him to that Scarlet skank!
ALL:
Knock off the Valentine
Lop off his left arm!
Lock him up for thirty years
Then see if he still charms!
HOJO:
Then Missus Jennie-over dame
Can have a new chew toy to maim!
She'll be so pleased, I hope to say
That we'll get a vacation day!
ALL:
Wheeee!
GAST:
I say that we take a gamma scanner
Shove it up his nose three times
Then set it to explode and when
he sneezes, Vincent Valentine will be no more!
LUCRECIA:
You're so cruel, Boss!
If we blew him up to smithereens,
We'd get no chance to go inject him
And watch him turn all blue and green!
ALL:
Tie up the Valentine
Throw him in a ditch!
HOJO:
Throw Lucrecia in there, too,
Cos she's a soft ol' b***h!
(HOJO and LUCRECIA start grabbing at each other's
throats while GAST gets up for his tenor solo
under the spotlight)
GAST:
Because the great Miss big Jenova is the most classified of all!
And with that nosey little Turk around...
ALL:
It's driving us up the wall!
LUCRECIA:
And once the mimbo's dead and gone...
Our lovely work can carry on!
ALL:
Once we're done down these old stairs
Our work will make us millionaires!
LUCRECIA:
(pretends to have a fuzzy coat on)
OOOOOooo!
HOJO:
(throws a disgusted look at LUCRECIA)
ALL:
We're ShinRa's little science geeks
We take our jobs with pride
We do our best to please the boss
So he won't fire our hides!
GAST:
I wish my students weren't so dumb...
LUCRECIA:
I'm not the dumb one!
HOJO:
You're the slut!
GAST:
SILENCE!
BOTH OF YOU JUST QUIET DOWN!
This'll cook his goose, you'll see.
I'll tell him Lu's all sick an stuff
And lure him down here one, two, three.
Now, Hojo-man, you'll take this gun
And shoot him somewhere in the head
With any luck it will get stuck
And on the floor he will be dead!
LUCRECIA:
Oh, my!
HOJO:
Not up to it? >D
LUCRECIA:
(shoves HOJO)
HOJO:
(kicks LUCRECIA)
GAST:
(trying to divert their attention)
Knock off the Valentine, in a coffin will he rest...
HOJO:
Or grind him up fer Palmer and see how his taste tests!
LUCRECIA:
Stomp on the Valentine, throw him off a cliff...
HOJO:
Try'na make up for it now won't really make a diff!
LUCRECIA:
(fumes, then jumps on HOJO and strangles him)
GAST:
(while the other two try to kill each other)
Knock off the Valentine, beat him up real bad...
HOJO:
Take a buncha pictures of the fun he and Lu had!
LUCRECIA:
Rip up that mindless Turk, chuck him in a coffin!
Maybe then old Hojo here will stop his prepubescent scoffin!
ALL:
Knock off the Valentine
Feed him to the dog!
Mr. Bossy ShinRa man's sure to be agog!
Mutilate the Valentine, see just how he screams,
Bring out the old safe and that's where we'll stick the keeee~y!
Layout and content (c) 2001-2005 RD, 2006 by EK unless otherwise noted. Fanfiction and fanart are (c) their authors and artists, but above all, Hojo and FF7 are (c) Squaresoft.
