Welcome to Gaia! ::

I am selfish.

I freely admit it – I. Am. Selfish.

But I just can’t help it.

I found out the news about Hitsugaya while talking to Kira. Rumors had started fast. It was inevitable that I would find out.

One might ask why I didn’t break down crying, why I didn’t run to him and beg him not to go.

It was because I’m selfish.

Because I was going to commit suicide.

I loved Aizen – and he betrayed me. It hurt – in more ways than one. And I couldn’t bear that Hitsugaya, too, got hurt because of me. I am selfish, and so I decided to kill myself. After the initial shock, it would be better for everyone. Mainly, I would be free of my pain.

If I asked Hitsugaya to stay – there was a chance he would find out. There was a chance he would stop me. And I didn’t want that. There was a definite chance he would stay, and prevent me from doing what I had to do.

So, I had to feign that I didn’t care at all – there would be no chance that he’d think I didn’t want him to go.

It was only after he left, only after I was alone, that I cried.

Because it hurt.

A lot.

In a way – I loved him too, my Shiro-chan. I really, really didn’t want him to die. But my selfishness and pain won over in the end. It really is my fault. I didn’t stop him.

After that, I sobbed – and Matsumoto found me. I ended up telling everything, everything, to her, and she left to go to the battlefield.

I must wonder if my message ever reached him. Only a messenger, bearing the news of his death, has returned.

I wish… I would’ve said I’m sorry. For all the pain. For all the misery I caused him. It hurts just to think about it.

But now… it doesn’t matter. If I’m going to kill myself, now would be the time, before Matsumoto gets back and informs everyone about this.

But there’s a wavering feeling, now – not as resolute. I know the cause – his death.


Ahh… I threw up again. That’s happened a lot, especially after I found out. I can’t stop feeling sick, and depressed, and just…

But I have made my decision.

Hitsugaya isn’t here any more. And more than ever, now – I need to say I’m sorry.

If I kill myself and travel to the human world, maybe, just maybe, I’ll meet him again, and tell him, over and over again, that I’m sorry.

It’s just something I have to do.

---

Yeah... due to popular demand and a random plot idea, this came along. o:

Basically... everyone urged me to write a Hinamori POV.

And I ended up wanting to explain her reasons for her actions.

And this was the result.

Aw.....That's really good but it's horribly sad crying