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Coco, that is hillarious!

What Kiri and Draco could have been like if Draco had never been with Alair.

Kiri sauntered down the hall way, passing various people as she went. "Chelsy darling. You're still coming to my office tonight, right?" "Of course professor." The seventh year hufflepuff swooned as Kiri patted her head and gave her a charming smile. Six. "Domini! You're glowing like your roses." Domini grined with the lightest blush on her face and brushed her hand down Kiri's arm as she walked away.Seven. As Rain passed her by Kiri gave a cat call after the woman before asking, "Oi, has Lucius thought about that three-some offer yet?" Rain smirked back at her. "He has yet sadly he doesn't want to~." She blew Kiri a kiss in apology with a wink before sasheying down in the oposite direction when Kiri caught it with her hand.Eight.Finally, she crossed paths with Draco. Upon seeing eachother, they stopped, giving eachother a once over before puffing their chests in attempt to one-up the other. "Eight." "Nine." "Damn you and your p***s!" Kiri growled and stomped off to find another girl to seduce.

Teehee, and yet, *le sighs* That's the one thing women don't have!! It's so depressing~. And thank ya. I would post more tonight but I'm too tired at the moment =_=. curse you lack of sleep!

*can't stop laughing* O-okay, as you might guess by the hour this was posted, I was rather sleep deprived when I wrote this and just finished watching the second part of a Yaoi OVA called Boku No Sexual Harassment (aka My Sexual Harassment) followed by a hillarious video that can be seen here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=meuh6EFIJ9c&mode=related&search= , so, without further adue, I present a drunken moment with Alair and Kiri.

At 2:30 am on one late winter's eve, or should we say, early winter's morning, Alair and Kiri could be found drinking in her office while searching for man-on-man-in-animated action threw the lovely workings of Kiri's enchanted laptop. Kiri poured herself another shot of sake, downing it while Alair leaned over her sloppily to continue their search. "Oooi, Nee-chan, what about this -hiccup- one?!" "Which one?" Kiri asked, peering at the screen. "Boku No Sexual Harreesssment." Alair slurred, clicking on the link. "Go for it!" Kiri cheered.
Twenty minutes and another bottle later, Kiri and Alair where on the floor laughing. "Oh Nooooeeeessss~! The Asian american woman is gonna rape him!!!" Alair sporfled. "Wait, no!! That pair of chopsticks is eyeing him more suspiciously! Or maybe the bartender? Oh! There goes the cat with his virginity!" Kiri laughed back, causing Alair to erupt in another fit of giggles. "Why does everyone want to do him!? I mean for the love of Mike, Every Living THING has been eying him throughout this whole sodding movie!" "And the animation isn't even that good! I mean come on~ Who would want their man that manly?! It's not attractive at allll~" "That's 'cause you're a lesbian!" Alair shot back a little too loudly, followed by clamping his hand over his mouth and starting to laugh again.
"What the- NO!!! That was the last part!! Curse you down-loader lady!" Kiri squawked at the laptop. She picked up her shot glass and tried to throw it at the screen, only to have it slip out of her hand and hit her square in the forehead. "Bloody hell!" Kiri whined, tipping over onto her side on the floor as Alair giggled some more. The smashed brunette crawled up the blanket of the kotatsu to look at the screen. "Hey, a new video is popping up!" He observed, causing Kiri to stir and sit back up. "Click it!" she commanded, and so he did.
With every new squeak the 1:33 minute long song belted, a new round of laughter began with the two drunken 'adults' .
"Wha-wha-WHAT THE HELL?!" Alair laughed, clutching his sides. "I don't know!!!" Kiri replied, breathless with giggles. "But that brunette totally reminds me of you!" Alair looked hopelessly appalled. "ME?! I DON'T SQUEAK!" He shouted, kicking his sister playfully with the lack of coordination needed to do it properly. "Or, at least, I hope I dont..." Alair suddenly looked very put out with his eyes watering with fake tears. "I don't want to squee-hee-heeak~" He complained in the most adorable voice he could muster whilst intoxicated. Kiri awed before flopping over so she was draped over her brother. "There there Ally-kun, I'm sure it's a vuury manly squeak." She giggled when Alair hit her. "You're mean!" He pouted, before suddenly feeling rather tired. "'m gonna go nighty..." but before he could finish he was asleep. "You jerk!" Kiri pouted back, this time at the fact that he was falling asleep before her. However, she shortly followed with lack of anything better to do.
Four hours later, a certain Draco Malfoy had the unfortunate event of finding the siblings draped over a beeny bag with porn ads flashing on the open laptop screen. Oh joy.

Hell yeah! my longest one yet! 536 words~ Oh, and the phrase 'oh noes' and sporfle (I think that's how it's spelled) where heard via Finker 3nodding

Today was the last warm day in the land of 1000 nimrods, so I made this up while sitting cold and miserable at the edge of a rather cold pool, sitting against a water jet .

"Wow." "What?" "I'm fat." "What?!" Water jets and thighs should never be put in the same proximity of eachother." Kiri replied as if it explained everything. She glared at her leg with a mixture of disgust and amusment on her face. Alair swam a lap in the muggle pool, trying his best to still enjoy himself even though he was supposed to be the one highly susceptible to temperatures. Kiri, the one immune to pretty much everything on the other hand, was sitting in a ball in the corner at the pool geting a full blast of the heated jets. "Get your thigh or whatever away from it then." Alair offered in a bored tone, pushing off the side of pool. "No. It looks cool." "Then don't complain!"
A few minutes went by and Alair became tired of the silence. "Why don't water jets and thighs work?" "Because it makes you see how fat you really are." She complained, watching the water make a crater out of her flesh. Alair rolled his eyes. "It's called 'gravity' and 'pressure'. Really Kiri, even you should know that!" "I do know that! It doesn't make it any less annoying though." "Then cut it out already!" Kiri gave him an odd look. "Cut my leg off?" "Ne Bakamono! That's not what I ment- Ah screw it. Let yourself bruise to death." He grumbled at her, ignoring the cold chill now permanently inplanted in his body.
5 minutes later. "Wow. I'm fat." "I know." Alair and Kiri glared at the ripples on their legs. Alair snapped out of it. "Wait. Are we on crack or something?" Kiri shrugged. "'Cause you get amused insanely easily, but I usually don't." Kiri shrugged again. "I dunno. My leg's starting to turn red though.... Oh well." "Yeah." And the staring contest continued.

...Okay, that was really crappy and they both seemed out of character. I'll make a better one tomorrow when I'm not moody and soggy.

Indeed we do Calli my dear ^_^. And now for my post of the day. Let's see, which one which one~ Ah! In honor of the wonderful Renaissance Festival that's currently in town, I shall make a drabble dedicated to Kiri, Alair, and the ever tauntingly voyeuristic Gypsies.

It was a warm autumn day and one could see a certain brunette and rainbow head bobbing in an unending crowd of Medieval drunkards. It was the annual muggle Renaissance fair in England, one that the siblings often went to, though it may seem rather pointless as they happened to live in a castle. Alair had invited Draco, but Draco had noticed this fact too and decided he'd rather not spend a whole day watching Kiri gonk over every living thing. Of course, this satisfied Kiri and put-out our dear uke.
It was mid-day as the villagers called it and Kiri was ripping apart a turkey leg while Alair moped. "I wanted to see Draco dressed as a Pirate..." "And I wanted to see him put in the Stocks*. We both lose." Kiri reasoned, ignoring the glare Alair sent to her. They where both dressed in Pirate get-ups for the event, as Kiri had claimed it would help stop global warming AND make them look sexy. Alair had given an inward sigh. Kiri and her spoof religions. He went with it though and found that he did look rather fitting in leather breeches.
Back to reality, we see Kiri stopping in front of a certain stage. Alair gave her a puzzled look, wondering why she had suddenly stopped before he looked at the stage. "Oh Kiri...." he whined. On the stage danced a group of six gypsies, all scantily clad and with beautifully polished cutlasses. It was a well known fact, at least for Alair, that if there where 3 things Kiri couldn't resist it was beautiful women, weaponry and Japanese food. Two out of three was more then enough to give Kiri a, as she so appropriatley named it, 'hair boner'*.
"Hoholyomnipotentnoodle." Kiri melted, her eyes going wide and turkey bone falling to the floor. She began to walk forward but Alair stopped her. "Kiri, NO, don't interrupt their performance! They're probably straight- Err, strike that," Alair stopped himself as the women began stripper dancing with eachother, licking the lengths of their blades. "KIRI, NO!" Alair pleaded, using all of his strength now to hold Kiri back. Unfortunately, Kiri was a rather strong broad and managed to drag him along with her even though his heals where dug into the dirt. "Kiri!" He rememberd. "You just finished eating a turkey leg, remember? Do you really want to snog a sexy girl with grease all over your face?" That got her to stop. "You're right!" She replied, and Alair gave a sigh in relief, letting go in the sad thought that it was safe. How very wrong he was. In only 10 seconds Kiri managed to pour water out of her elk skin pouch, rub all the grease from her face and hands, wipe that off on her sash and pop in two fruity breath-mints before sauntering over to the stage once more.
"KIRI!" But his voice went unheard as the audience erupted in a standing ovation for the exotic costumed dancers. Then, for what Alair took as a second part of the act, one of the gypsies- who happened to be the prettiest of the bunch- ran off stage into the audience. The crowed went quiet to hear the dialogue that pursued. "Issabell, where are you running off to?" One of the gypsies asked the runaway. "I've found him! I found the man of my dreams!" She squealed, tugging on the arm of the ugliest man in the audience that she could find. Kiri took this as her opening. "Pardon me plunder landlubber," she spat, "But me thinks ye not be man enough for such a beaut. Might I offer a more becoming bargain to the lady. Say..." She wrapped her arms around the gypsy's waist and grinned at her charmingly, "I, per-haps? What say ye noble wench?" She purred, and the woman giggled, seeming not to notice the fact that Kiri was a woman. "I say 'ye' might have to prove to I that such speak is true." She replied flirtatiously, to which Kiri smirked in the most Piratey of fashion. Staying true to her character, Kiri replied, "Of course lass. I do believe this calls for a duel as to win fair lady's heart!" She compromised, turning to the crowd to ask for their reaction. The crowd seemed convinced that this was part of the act as well, and thus they went wild. The man assulted gulped. Alair had a feeling that he was American. "What say ye 'fair husband'?" Kiri glared at the man with a demeaning smirk. "Th-that's okay!" He squeaked in a voice controversial his busty weight, and with that said he toddled away as fast as his chub would let him.
"Now where were we?" Kiri asked the gypsy, sweeping her off her feet bridal style. "Ah yes, Me thinks it was at the 'win fair lady's heart' bit." She gave the girl another charming smile and she positively swooned. The fellow gypsies on stage giggled and gossiped about their 'sister's new 'husband'. Kiri looked back up to the stage and winked, causing the girls to collapse over one another in flattery. "As it be, albeit I have enchanted the miss, it may take more then one soft flesh to calm this sea-hankering spirit. What say ye to some 'Spirits' and, God willing, a bed to be taken care of in with these humble hands?" Kiri purred to the gypsies. They went ballistic.
"O~oh, do say it so lord!" One gushed, clinging to Kiri's right arm. "No, Let it be I alone to cure your aching soul!" Another pleaded, pressing her scantily-clad busom against Kiri's left arm. The girl Kiri was carrying pouted, unsatisfied with the offer. She turned to Kiri with her big sparkling eyes and rosey lips. "Say it not beloved voyager! I want my life with you and you alone!" she cried, and a bickering started between the three women.
"Silence my Sirens! Think ye not that there be 'nough of me to share?" Kiri asked in her most seductive voice. The girls chorused in a sigh, signaling that their hearts had been captured. Satisfied, Kiri swaggered away from the crowd, all of them applauding at their 'performance'.
Alair sighed. This was why he wanted Draco to come along so badly; because once Kiri got a girl- or in this case, three- Alair would be all alone while Kiri got a kinky Renaissance shag. He shuddered at the thought. As the remaining gypsies passed around a wicker basket for donations, Alair heard 'Issabella' ask faintly in the distance, "Um, that was just an act, right?"
Alair chuckled to himself and went to find the jousting arena. Maybe next year.


Holy crap... 1113 words...

*The stocks. In the Renaissance Fair in this state, you can pay for people to be put in the stocks- AKA, lock them up and humiliated them by complete strangers for all to see. It's really quite entertaining, and I think Draco would throw a fit if Kiri had gotten her way. Then again, Draco would do the same thing to her in a heartbeat.
*Hair boner. Noun. A word that Kagami_San came up with for the woman to say since they can't have a normal boner. Thank you Kagami heart

And also: Draco=1, Kiri=2. The challenge is on! Who will win the title of guild pimp!? Only time will tell. (Dun dun dun!!!)

Yay for hot Ren-fest gypsy dancers!!!!!!!