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 Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 7:19 pm
its from a friend who does not go to this site... i told her i would put it here so its alright with her...
title: Wedding Day
you think your cute,
you think your great
not till long we're in a debate
all you men do is think reproduce
all i wanted was love
to set me lose
a little hug, thats alright
but soon you pulled me down and held me tight
under the covers on the bed
not till you touched me, i wasn't fed
next morning, i see you there
my verginaliy was gone, thats more than i could bare
i look at your hansom face on the bed
this is where all weddings led
all weddings, most the same
i guess this is what we're playing, i guess its only a game.
so, what do you think. (not mine)
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 7:47 pm
It gives a realistic view of the nonlove-based marraige situation America has fallen into. I think it's insightful and very good all around. There are some wierd line things going on, but I don't know if that was a typo or what. I just mean that it seems that a new line should start in a couple places where it doesn't. It's very good. Tell your friend I like it and I think it's insightful.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 10:04 pm
she says : thanks alot!! i know theres alot of errors because im not good at poems but i wanted to know how you felt about it.
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 11:24 am
I'll agree that some of the lines are awkward; they're too long for the poem and disrupt the flow and rhythm. Writing in set rhyme scheme patterns like that can be very restrictive, but it's a very thought provoking poem, and definately not bad at all for someone who professes to not being very good.
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:49 am
I'm not sure what the actual message of the poem is... are they married and after the wedding night she is no longer disillusioned, that their romance was just so he could get her to this point? If it's a marriage based around sex, then one wonders why marriage at all... if it IS a marriage that has lost its love, then I guess it sort of makes sense... but I think this poem needs a lot more clarity in images (not smut. Just idea-wise.)
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Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 6:23 pm
very nice thou errors thou no one can say they dont haveany of those
most have already mentioned the non_love marriage thing so no point to repeat
tell her good work and keep it up
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