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Pirate stories are good aren't they? This one is a humorous one, parodying lots of other stories. I'm a little unconfident that it'll be read, since the last reply was so long ago...but here it is.

YE TREASURE ISLES

‘Twas a beauteous day in the Treasure Isles, as the Black Diamond floated at anchor, and the waves lapped gently against that dread hull.
On board, the captain Fitzroy (a fine, tall personage with long curled wig beneath a feathered picture hat) viewed his crew merrily playing at pistolry and strip poker – for which, the contestants kept their clothes on – and called upon his mate Buckson.
‘Buckson!’ he called, waving his cutlass ‘Belay those swabs from shooting up my quarterdeck!’
Buckson obligingly cuffed a pistoleering buccaneer across the back of the head, and scuttled to the captain’s side.
‘Aye sir?’ he smarmed – a Liverpuddlian incidentally – ‘What ‘tis you be wanting?’
The captain smiled and secret smile, and murmured a secret word, picked a secret ear and examined a secret piece of earwax.
‘Come into me captain’s cabin, away from the rest of the crew.’
Once in the opulent quarters the captain gave the mate a good long look and summoned him to the captain’s desk.
‘Behold!’ he summoned ‘A map! ‘Tis one I have studied for the days of our anchorage here. I had it of a contact in Port o’ Spain.’
‘Aye sir. All the ship knows of the map, as Price the sailmaker oft sneaks brandy and port from your private bootleg.’
‘What! I wasn’t aware I had any in there!’ exclaimed the captain, hurriedly checking his footwear.
‘No captain. Your private store?’
The captain huffed and muttered and ordered Price be hung from the rigging.
‘Howbeit sah! Price no doubt cannot read, so knows not the words upon the map – sa hah!’
‘Actually sir, Price has a first in English literature.’
‘From whence?’
‘Trinity College, in Dublin sir.’
‘But they can’t speak English there surely?’ wondered the captain ‘HOWBEIT sah! I tell the, this is a map of an island in the East Indies – maybe the Moluccas, or the Andamans!’
‘The Dutch Philippines sir. Or so Price has told me. Over your prime Jamaican rum.’
‘Damn and blast Price!’ spat the captain ‘I tell thee, the map most likely leads to our lifeblood, our motee-vay-shun, perhaps our only reason for living…’
‘Poo, I hate word games,’ said Buckson, looking puzzled.
‘Treasure! Thou untutored half-wit!’ thundered the irate captain.
‘If it’s tutored you want, you ought to be a-speaking to Price,’ mumbled Buckson, whereupon, Captain Fitzroy galumphed outside, picked up Buckson by the britches, hoisted him aloft, and with a cry of ‘Stop stealing my thunder!’ – and after a moments thought – ‘And my liquor!’ – Price was hurled over the side, where the sharks dispatched him right speedily.
‘Helmsman!’ called the captain ‘Set course for Nassau, to restock, re-debauch and hire a new sailmaker. And one,’ he chortled ‘With no bleedin’ education!’

More chapters will follow. See you soon! 3nodding

Wow God I'm sorry! I thought no-one was interested! xp

I'll add the next bit tomorrow hopefully. biggrin