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She had died when I was 12.
An accident had killed her kittens, and being a dedicated Mom she, became depressed and commited suicide to be with them. (don't try and argue contrary to that). I was devistated, but 3 days after her death she gave me one last visit, a chance to let me know everything was ok and she was happy. And some how it made her loss a little easier to deal with.

I've had other cats since. None have been as smart, and my current cat is as anti social as Buffy was friendly. I still think about her from time to time, how she used the screen from my bedroom window as her door bell to indicate that she wanted in, and our dawn watching routine before going back to bed. But not as much as I use to.

But then, I didn't have much time to think about that kind of stuff at all. My boyfriend and I were having problems. Most of it were the usual relationship quarrels about financial stuff, and house duties, but because our jobs were also causing us stress, things just felt worse than what they were. It had gotten to the point that we barely spoke to each other and I was thinking of ending the relationship.

One night, I came home from my 3-11 shift. My bf was already in bed and I had gotten into the habbit of letting him fall asleep before I went in. So I played on the computer for a while. As I surfed Gaia, I saw someone had started a thread about ghost experiences, and I thought a Ghost story Thread would be cool in the guild. So I made the first post to get it started before going to bed. The next night was the same. My bf was already in bed so I went back to the Guild and saw no one had entered a ghost story yet. So I posted the one about the lady in the hat. That got a couple of people interested, but it was late for me and it was time for bed.

That night my dreams were awful. The stiffened body of a blue-grey cat partially flattened and covered in frost, the mangled bodies of 3 kittens and a soaking wet blue-grey cat hovering above them trying to keep her dead babies dry. I woke up with a start, tears streaming down my face. Only instinct made me roll over to try to seek some comfort from my bf's form, but he had already left for work. But the pre dawn light indicated there was something else in his place. A medium cat with Blue-Grey fur, Jade coloured eyes and purring contently while staring at me. I was happy to see her and the images from the dreams quickly melted away, and everything felt ok.

Then I heard the jingle of keys and the front door open, I turned for a moment trying to figure out what was going on and realized if was my bf. As I got up to go ask him why he was home I noticed Buffy was no longer on the bed.

I thought it must have been residue from the dream, to see her again. Or maybe it was Sidia, and somehow the dim light had made her seem larger, turned the colour of her black fur lighter and her gold eyes green, although she usually never is on the bed when we are. As I stood up my bf opened the door and came to me for a hug, which I happily gave him, as I asked him why he was home.

"It was the oddest thing. I'm walking to work when I saw these 3 kittens rolling around and playing amoung some cardboard leaning against one of the houses. I was just going to ignore them until I saw this Blue-grey cat come out of the shadows and play with the kittens for a bit before she guided them back to the shadows. There was something about that cat that reminded me of you, and how much I miss you. So I got to work, told the boss I wasn't well and came home."

I was awe struck, a part of me didn't think it was possible, but curiousity won out. I asked him if the kittens were black and white, a darker grey than the mother, and the third 2 toned grey striped. He replied that he wasn't sure about the third as it had still been slightly dark out, but the other 2 were right, then he asked me if I had seen them before.

I replied "Not since I was 12" then explained the special relationship I had with Buffy and her tragic end. Apparently, it was a story I had never told him before and it started us into some conversation. We spent the day together, mostly just to talk with dinner out thrown in the mix. But it was something we desparately needed.

Very late that night I woke up to Sidia climbing onto a ledge in the bedroom window and couldn't fall back to sleep. I went to the computer and visited the Ghost story thread in the guild and wrote out some of Buffy's story, sort of my way to thank her for the visit again. Then I laid on the sofa and remembered how smart she could be as I drifted off to sleep.

Buffy had always been a good friend and very protective of those she considered family.

Even though I know she isn't one of my primary guides, I'm positive she's somewhere in the background still keeping watch. I keep getting reminders when I'm feeling blue.