Welcome to Gaia! ::

redface This story will give you lot an idea about me and my big old sister Yomi aka as PURPLE RAT on gaia.

This piece was the correct piece for my assignment and my teacher liked it a lot... don't know why cos I think it lacks a lot... but whatever. It's meant to be in two voices because that was the point of the work. And it's nice and short!!! Not something I do very offen blaugh

Title: Music for her work

In a small, cubed bedroom two young women sat opposite each other. Sisters they were and each emerged within their own chosen paths of talent. Yomi Sherman was down from uni for two weeks and she eased herself with some discomfort on a fold away bed. On a worn down clip board she had a stack of plane and recycled paper and her black biro sketched neat drawings of several cute yet dangerous characters for a story board for her homework. She wasn’t board at all, in fact, she forgot the piles of drawings were homework but her own collections of poses.

“Yo, what yo’ drawing?”

She dropped her knee slamming her pen down on her blanket. The only sound that told her sister she was irritated was the sound of skin hitting plastic and the glare she shoot over to her younger sister.

“I’m drawing here!” Her voice, low in volume but held a strong tone.
Her sister Aisha knew her too well to be overthrown by the glare. She too lowered her eye lids while chewing on the end of her pen.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Catastrophe being sliced up by Black.”

“Is that for your animation?”

“Hmm mm.” Yomi answered.

She smiled in her mind and gave her sister her work to glance over.

“I need you to do some music for me.”

Yomi, although had attempted to do some sound for her work wasn’t able and didn’t have the time to do it. As her sister only spent her time writing and re-write she thought she could spend her time doing something useful and something she was able to finish.

“What sort.” Her voice lost the dull tone and became interested to help.

“Japanese music, for my animation.”

“Japanese?! I can’t do that kinda music!”

Yomi turned down to her laptop to see if she had Dance Ejay 3 on her so she could give to her sister. But she left it down in Worthing.

“and if I did I’d have to do it on my keyboard!” Aisha proclaimed.

Yomi grunted reaching over to get her stuff back and fell back down on the wall.

“In that case... never mind.”
She was ready to pick her pen back up when, in her corner of her eye she saw her sister reaching for the keyboard ready to play something. Yomi sighed picking up the SP to listen to her MP3 player.

* * *

She sat there across the room hiding her drawings as if I would copy them. I couldn’t even draw so there was no chance of that happening. One knee was raised and she slouched her upper back and shoulders on the wall as she lost herself in her character creations. She looked bored out of her mind!

I stared back down to my blank page. My mind raced with ideas but nothing , not even the simplest of sentence would fall from my mind and travel to my hand. I guess today was not a good day to write. I left out a sign and ran my hand over my afro looking back over to my sister.

“Yo, what yo doing?!” I said

She slammed her black pen down and glared over to me. Whatever! As if she was doing anything important to feel as if I’ve just disturbed her. Tch!

“I’m drawing here.”

“Whatcha drawing?”

“Catastrophe being sliced up by Black.”

“Is that for your animation?”

“Hmm mm.” Answered.

For some strange reason she gave me her work to look at. Like I cared, I had my own stories to attend too... but they did look cute!

“I need you to do some music for me.”

My eyes lit up. “What sort?”

She forced herself back up.

“Japanese music for my animation.”

The light slowly burnt out. “Japanese I can’t do that kinda music and if I did I’d have to do it on the keyboard.”

She grunted with irritation and held her hand out to me to get her pictures back.

“In that case... never mind.”

I would have protested my need to do some music but there was no point. I didn’t have any wires to connect the keyboard to the laptop and no way of recording the music on to a CD. I hung my head low and smiled. Like that would stop me! I liked a good challenge.

End

Wow, this is well short... I need to post something with a lot more words next time. whee

smile

i really like the way you
split the sotry up,
it made it very interesting to see
two different takes on the same scene.
i liked the dialogue as well, it seemed very real to me.
great work heart

It was rather amusing to read, and I love the way you gave them each so much personality.
The dialog seemed so natural, and so fluent in corrisponding to the sister's personalities that it was almost real.

Great work, I loved it.

The only I suggest - character description. We don't know what they look like at all, and the perfect way to tell us would be between the seperate views you have there.

And by the way, the two seperate views of the same thing was awesome, I absolutely loved it. <3

At least it's an esy fix, right? 3nodding

That was an interesting way to write this peice- give the sperate points of view. Very effective, as well as creative. Nice job on breaking set!
One thing you might want to work on- punctuation. There are a few places that could benefit from a comma, or hyphen. It would help the natural flow. Overall though, excellent piece.