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 Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:02 am
Yesterday, I was reading the lastest issue of American Baby Magazine and I came across an article on "What To Wear, Now That Your A Mommie"
Now, I love the show what not to wear and have slightly hinted to everyone around me that I really really would like to be nominated for the show.
I didn't realize how bad things were until I read the article.
"Many Moms sport the 'I give up-look'. The 'mom' jeans, the oversized hooded sweatshirt, that can fit up to four people. White tennis shoes. A ponytail."
-Stacy London, What Not To Wear.
There I was at 1:20 in the afternoon in my too short blue fleece pants, (thanks mom), an oversized hooded sweatshirt, (stolen from my husbands closet), a ponytail, while my worn and tattered white sketchers sat in the corner, silently mocking me. Unsure of whether to laugh at cry over becoming a stereotype, I quickly ran upstairs to my closet only to find 3 pairs of jeans all two sizes to big, capris that were just as big, plain cotton shirts, and another pair of worn and tattered white skechers.
How did I let this happen and when? How did I allow it to be okay that everyone gets new clothes when need but me? Why is it I have this "motherly" guilt everytime I even entertain the thought of purchasing an item for ME ?/!
I wanted to blame my husband, my kids, and even my mom for the poor state of my wardrobe. Unfortunately, none of my arguments were plausible and all the fault for it landed squarely upon my shoulders.
How many mom's have fallen into the trap of putting everyone's needs before all of their own? Does anyone else suffer from guilt for wanting to spoil themselves? How do we overcome this?
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:00 pm
Oh hell, that's so me to an extent. I will say that once I became a mom, I ended up not taking the time (and money) to do nice things for myself.
BUT to be fair, I also realized that a lot of my "style" was just impratical and a waste of money. Comfort became my big thing. I don't think of it so much as giving up, but wisening up. I had to let go of the overpriced shirts and complicated clothing from popular stores. Of course, with the extra money, I could indulge in my kids, which was definitely a plus!
Although I do have to get reminded by my husband that it's okay to buy something for myself. I still feel guilty, but when it comes to spoiling myself, I tend to want more non-tangible things. A coffee night out without hubby or kids once every couple of weeks is an indulgence I'll take over clothes any day, but I don't want to think of clothes at this point since I'm still wearing maternity clothes. gonk
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:48 pm
Brazen_Tart How many mom's have fallen into the trap of putting everyone's needs before all of their own? Does anyone else suffer from guilt for wanting to spoil themselves? How do we overcome this? Being a new mom, I think I still have alittle time before I fall into the "I-don't-care" category.....although I think I'm well on my way at this point. I think it kinda becomes an automatic thought. When I got pregnant, I was frustrated because I had gotten finaically stable enough to buy the clothes I wanted to buy but could no longer buy because I wouldn't fit into them in a few weeks anyways. Now, that I'm no longer pregnant I thought I could buy the clothes I wanted (or so my pre-pregnancy mind thought); but now I look at the $9 skirt on the clearance rack that I would like to have and think "that could $9 could buy 2 gallons of milk and a package of diapers"; so I end up opting for what could help my family over what I want. Or better yet the "that $9 dollars could buy my husband a new shirt for work or the baby a new preemie outfit he can actually wear." I think overcoming it is a matter of forcing yourself to actually do something nice for yourself, whether its a new outfit, new shoes, a date night, a book, etc, and forget for a moment everyone else it would be nice to spend that amount of money on. ( lord knows there's a pair of $20 boots sitting over at Walmart that I want more than life itself right now, now that I can fit back into normal shoes...... sweatdrop )
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Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 3:51 pm
I can't say I'd be that person.
While I do love to buy clothes for my son. I like to look nice. I have hoodies because I get cold easily and that was my style before I got pregnant.
I tend to not buy myself new clothes though. The good will near us has some awesome clothes though. I even go there for some of D's clothes. I also scope out clearances. While yes $9 can buy milk some other groceries. You don't see a $9 skirt everyday. That's something I would have picked up.
I guess that's just me though. XD
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Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:00 am
I think the issue is more whether the clothes actually fit or not...you see way too many women wearing tents rather then clothes and it's not flattering in the least. I think the reason a lot of us fall into it is because no one really sees us, so what does it really matter?
So far, I seem to be doing OK, but I'm having a hard time telling myself it's OK to buy a pair of jeans that actually fit. xd
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Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:20 am
i was the same way for the first 2 years aftor i had my first son, But think about it, you're tired, you have no time, and every time yoou go to the store, weather it be wal-mart, or Macys you end up spending you're money on somehting cute for the kid/s. It is something i feel every mother does, we sacrifice a lot of our self immage because we do not have time to think about anything else but the kids/bills/work/ect, ect, ect. hehe. It does get a lot easier i think once they get a bit older, I personaly have gone back, to being stylish half the time, and well, comfy/sloppy half the time. It just depends on what i feel like, and if i have time.
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 11:25 am
I guess I'm an exception to this phenomenon...or actually the opposite of it.
Before I met Shawn, before I was engaged, before I had Dominic, before I got married, THAT'S when I dressed badly.
I look at my old photographs, of myself as a teenager (pre-17) and I have come to the conclusion that I thought I was a boy. Baggy pants, baggy jeans, giant sweaters, sneakers meant for basketball players, the works.
Ever since I was 17 and forward, I became more "aware" of my womanhood and there was a transition from that point forward, that was fortified and multiplied many afold when I first met Shawn. Perhaps its an instinctive mating-ritual, like when peacocks spread their feathers. Point being, I wanted to look good.
After marriage and motherhood, I find myself dressing better than ever. I got the man, we had a child, but my drive is still strong and I always feel good about getting myself a lovely new piece to wear every once in a while to add to my collection.
My child never goes without food, diapers or clothes, and of course I make sure our fridge is full before I decide to go shopping, but I just love clothes and I love the way it makes me feel to be a wife and mom and still feel sexy and active and put-together.
I watch What Not to Wear on TLC all the time and my favourite part of the show is the end, when they recap the women (or men) before, and then show them after. You notice how in the old footage, it's not just the clothes. They slouch, they look tired, even a little sad or just non-chalant. Then, all made-over, you can see how much their face lights up. They look happier in their own skin, they walk straighter, I think it's wonderful!
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:23 pm
I am an odd one I think... My son isn't even here yet and I'm already falling into this catagory... A few days ago I bought a couple of books, and I felt absolutly horable about it thinking of the one pack of diapers that that money could have bought... never mind that I HAVE six bags of diapers and the hospital gives you a bag on your way out.. I seriously felt so guilty that I thought of returning the books... and I'm a total book worm, so that's huge for me to even think about... I ended up rationalizing that I can't do much latley and I'll need SOMTHING other than stupid magazeens to read in the hospital after I have my son...
With clothes, I've never been too much of a slob, but neither have I ever been voted 'best dressed' either. I'm somewhere in between, with several huge hoodies, many cute tops and jeans (although I do admit that I DO have one pair that's several sizes too big, but thoes are for days I just want comfort) I have many pairs of shoes that match outfits and can look good, and my old white running shoes too... I fall comfortably in the middle of their discription and where they would think I 'should be' and that's fine with me. I think if you can be comfortable with who you are, then what you wear shouldn't be an issue.
I agree with Angel-Thoes people that do that show are more self confident when they are dressed in nice clothing. But there does come to be a point where you have to have self confadance in who you are NOT what you wear. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with looking nice-really there's not- but you have to have a ballence of inner and outter self. *puts away soapbox*
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:25 am
I know this topic is over 1 year old, but while browsing the Guild and coming across this post, I just had to stop and put my 5 pennies worth in.
I do have the 'I give up look' right now, and the reason why I haven't gone out and bought new clothes for myself is that I have the hope and strong desire to fit back into my old clothes at one point or another.
I don't want to give up on that idea, go out and buy nice clothes which fit me now and then look back at my favorite jeans and break down and cry because I know that now I have all those new clothes, I will never work the motivation to loose weight up so that I can fit back into them.
Hope nobody minds that I tried to give this post a new start ^__^
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 9:16 am
I fit more into that category when I was pregnant. Pre-pregnancy I would dress stylish and wear feminine tops and strappy sandals. The whole 'not caring anymore' thing started when my belly started to grow. I would wear oversized hooded sweatshirts (to accomodate my huge bump), and jeans or yoga pants. If I wasn't in a sweatshirt, I'd be in a stretchy sweater, and if not in that, then usually in a huge pink fleece bathrobe and jammies. I took the laces out of my shoes in order to make them fit my swollen feet, or just wore slippers.
Now that I am 11 months post-pregnancy, I am kind of between the way I dressed before and the way I dressed while I was pregnant. Most days I admit to wearing jeans, a t-shirt and slippers, but now and then I do dress more feminine. In all honesty, my body has changed a lot from what it used to be and its hard for me to find tops that actually fit correctly. I'm usually too tired to shop most of the time so I will wear whatever I have laying around, even my fiancées t-shirts some times.
I think that my son looking cute is more important to me than me looking cute. Lol. I spend more time picking out his outfits than I do my own. And if I see something cute for him in a store, I would and definitely have bought it instead of something for myself. I'm sure I'm not the only mom that has done that. blaugh
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 1:43 am
Ohh good point, right now I'm at a stage that when we go shopping, I end up buying something for either Brandon or my little girl.
Plus, I don't really have the time to go into changing rooms, to try a lot of clothes on.
Not the time and not the patience...lol
It's so easy when they are kids, you just look at the clothes and you can tell if they will fit or not 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 5:26 am
Definitely. Another problem I encounter with changing rooms is that they are usually too small to fit a stroller. Now that Owen is a bit older I can take him out of the stroller or shopping cart and take him in with me but its such a pain. I usually just give up and don't try anything on.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 4:54 pm
Changing rooms are a complete nightmare.
The only time you can fit a stroller in with you is when you find one which is also used by disabled people, but they don't really cater for them in every store, which isn't really nice if you ask me.
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:28 am
Bah. The only new clothing I've bought myself in the last six months has been sweat pants that were on sale.
I can't help feeling guilty, especially when we have all these bills. I wear sweat pants and t-shirts all the time now because they are easy to slip on and comfortable. I don't even take care of my hair anymore... It used to be a huge priority. I would never walk out the door with a strand out of place. Now I have a messy ponytail 24/7.
I kind of hate what's happened to me, but Tim is really bad with money and I want my daughter to have a college education available to her if she wants. Little things add up and if I can sacrifice clothes then I will.
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